Self Improvement And Motivation

Heal Your Life With The Help Of The Angels

2009-10-14T04:03:00.000-07:00

by: Kate Loving Shenk

Amanda Goldston was our guest on Moon, Moo & You: The Collective Wisdom on 3/31/09. It was a great show.

I liked how we all shared our collective wisdom regarding angel encounters, because we've all had them. Naturally those of us on the show were already True Believers. But even those who are skeptics have had encounters with Angels. They just may not have recognized them as such.

Amanda says that she talks to her angels all the time, but is careful not to do this in public for the very real possibility that she will be institutionalized. Yet in the age of cell phone conversations, everyone is seemingly talking to themselves in public, making it easier for us to keep our conversations with angels going uninterrupted!

Amanda has a deck of of Angel Cards she uses to intensify her ability to communicate. She says she also calls on different angels to deal with different challenges.

She says that we must remember to ask for help, and theses beings will be there to help the minute or second we ask.

Joan brought up an experience she had in a difficult life situation. She woke up with the distinct impression that someone was holding her hand. She thought it was Whitey, her husband, but there was no one there.

Joan asked Amanda if it was an angel who was holding her hand.

Amanda said this happens all the time.

When children are lost in the wilderness, angels often show up to care for them and aid in their rescue.

Angels wrap their wings around us all and love us until we learn to love ourselves.

Amanda said to look at angels as helpers, as connectors, as beings who hook us up to a larger dimension and reality.

Give your angel a name or not because Angels don't mind. They will answer to anything.

Meditate on who your angel is and how he/she can help you.

God is not limited to any religion, as well. Alcoholics Anonymous calls God the Higher Power and in reality anything or anybody can be the Higher Power.

This is available to everyone.

Joan's sister Betty came on the call to discuss an experience she had with the angels.

Her son was looking for a pair of pants. Betty went to the third story of her home to look for these pants.

The pants simply showed up for her without her having to tear up the entire room. This experience seemed so mundane, so trite. Yet by asking for help with the small things, we are practicing to remember for the times when major challenge arises.

Complete surrender is often a component of angel contact. If we ask and get attached to how it's supposed to look, we block the avenues available for divine intervention.

When we let go of outcome, the contact will suddenly show up.

Amanda taught us a great journaling technique of how to we can ask the angels for help, an exercise in "conscious surrender."

Draw a line down the center of the page. On the left, write down everything you can do to accomplish a particular goal you are working on, such as make a phone call or write a blog entry, for instance.

On the right, ask the angels to help the only way an angel can, by bringing into your life the people who can help, by bringing unexpected money and resources into your life. Then you let go.

In this state of surrender, you follow through on your hunches and intuition which allows the unseen forces to carry you effortlessly to your destination.

The less you fuss about outcome and the focus on fear, the more the mind can concentrate on peace and eternity. Resistance and tension melt away.

Think of the worst thing that can happen: loss of job, loss of income, loss if life itself. Visualize what you would do if anything like your worst fear actually happens.

When you go beyond the fear, the pathways are cleared for the good to come in.

These are comforting guidelines for the challenges that confront us. We do not need to stay immersed in' the reality that the world tells us is true: economic collapse, poverty, joblessness, hunger.

Unplug the TV. Pray to the angels. Open up a two way conversation with all the unseen forces in the Universe.

As I sit here writing these words, the silence that permeates this moment in time, the occasional birdsong as night falls, the glimpse of the Cardinal out my window as I think of Betty finding the pants for her son, all allows me to feel connected to to this gift of solitude and to the higher Universal Beings who everywhere surround us.

I know we are never alone. The angels wait for our invitation. The dogs who lie by my side tell me they are angels, too. The love they continuously radiate is an awesome gift to everyone they meet.

Angelic Intervention is ours for the asking. They clear the consciousness for higher energies to take the steering wheel.

As far as I'm concerned, my life is theirs. I am no longer in charge, not that I ever was.

The difference is that now, I finally know it.

Cinderella Was Not Saved - She Was a Happy Person All Along!

2009-10-14T04:01:00.000-07:00

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Would the prince have chosen Cinderella to marry if she was a miserable young woman? If her stepsisters were beautiful but miserable, would he have chosen either of them?

Are you living under the delusion that when you meet your soul mate you will finally be happy - that your misery is because you are not in a relationship or not in the right relationship? If this is you, you might be interested in what I have discovered in my 42 years of counseling individuals and couples.

Most people who are happy in their marriages were ALREADY HAPPY before meeting their spouse! Happy people make happy marriages. Unhappy people either don't marry or generally continue to be unhappy after getting married.

While Cinderella wasn't happy with her circumstances, inside she was a loving, happy person. And so was the prince. "Happily ever after" is often not the result of getting married, but the result of two basically happy people getting married to each other!

Over and over I hear from my clients: "I need a relationship to be happy." Over and over I say to them, "Focus on learning how to make yourself happy now and then you might find the relationship you are seeking."

If you think about it, it makes sense. If you were a basically happy person, would you be attracted to a basically unhappy person? Not likely.

When you make your happiness dependent upon another person, you are handing them responsibility for your emotional wellbeing. Why would someone else want this responsibility? And, since we are attracted to each other at our common level of woundedness, the chances are that the person you are attracted to and who is attracted to you is also looking to you to take responsibility for their emotional wellbeing. This is called a codependent relationship, not a happy relationship, and definitely not happily ever after.

There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting a wonderful relationship. But the chances of finding that wonderful relationship if you are unhappy is slim. When you are already happy, then you want a relationship to share your love, your happiness, your joy, your learning and growth, and your interests. When you are unhappy, the chances are you are looking for a relationship to make you happy, and this is likely not going happen.

Back to Cinderella. Because she was a caring person, she tried very hard to make her stepmother and her stepsisters happy. But they were never happy. Why? Because they were angry and blaming people, making Cinderella responsible for their happiness. No matter how kind and wonderful she was, it did not matter, because their misery was created by their own beliefs and ways of treating themselves and others.

The same is true in today's relationships. I have worked with many people who were never happy, no matter what their partner did to make them happy. As long as they were judging themselves and others instead of learning how to take responsibility for their own feelings, they were sad, empty, alone inside, hurt and/or angry. As long as they looked outside themselves for the source of their unhappiness, they were stuck being unhappy.

The way out of this unhappiness is to learn how to take 100% responsibility for your own pain and your own joy. Anyone can learn to do this, but, if you are stuck in the false belief that you need the right relationship in order to be happy, then you will likely not be motivated to learn how to do this.

A Different Kind of Resolution

2009-10-14T04:00:00.000-07:00

by: Debra Wier

With the arrival of each New Year, I find that time seems to be passing more quickly. It’s that inverse proportion or time perception and age. It’s one I suppose we can all relate too; when you’re young time passes slowly and you wish you could speed it up and when you’re older time passes quickly and you wish you could somehow slow it down.

During childhood you can’t wait to become a teenager. Then you have the other milestones; at 16 you can legally drive, at 18 you’re considered an adult, and at 21 you can legally drink alcohol. Look out! 25 just sounds cool and 30 also has a nice ring to it as well. It sounds respectable, like you’ve finally grown up, got your act together, and you’re at the top of your game, hopefully. There are so many things to look forward to as a kid that we want to rush right into adulthood. I think it would be nice if upon reaching 30 we would go into a holding period and begin to age ever so slightly while time passes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

At any rate, you wake up one day and suddenly you’re 40 and you wonder where all those years went. Although 47 is still relatively young I find I spend more time than I should reminiscing about the things I used to be able to do that I can no longer do. More on that in a minute.

So this year, the New Year snuck up on me like a lightning bolt. I didn’t even think about any New Year’s resolutions until the first day of the year which didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to prepare. On Jan. 2, I decided that this would be the year I would get back in shape. Yes, that would be my resolution for the year; I would lose my excess weight and become lean and healthy and get in the best shape of my life. That doesn’t really sound so difficult. I was looking at it more like an exciting challenge.

So, in preparation for my new lifestyle I went to the grocery store that morning and purchased an assortment of fresh produce. Upon returning home, I made a big pot of homemade vegetable soup. The plan would be to eat the soup along with a portion of protein for a healthy lunch for the next few days. Planning is essential if you want to succeed and I now had a good idea about how I would fuel my body in the days ahead. The next step was to plan my workouts.

I decided to embark on a new and highly demanding fitness regime called P90X. It works on the muscle confusion principle. There are 12 different videos and you watch a different one everyday. Of course, you have to do the exercises as well. The idea behind muscle confusion is that your muscles continue to be stimulated because the routine is always changing and therefore you should get better results. Sounds good.

In order to begin the P90X routine you need to have a fairly good level of fitness as is stated in the videos. There is a fitness test you take and if you can meet all of the requirements then you should be in adequate condition to begin the program. I took the test and passed with flying colors except for one thing; the pull-ups.

Remember earlier, when I mentioned reminiscing about things I used to do in my twenties? Well, I used to be able to do pull ups and dips. While I could only do 7 pull ups and 7 dips, this is still quite respectable, especially for a woman as both exercises require tremendous upper body strength. Since I now have about 50 extra pounds I’m carrying around, pull-ups and dips are next to impossible. This isn’t an issue of not thinking positively enough, it’s an issue of weight to muscle ratio. I simple have too much weight and too little muscle to hoist myself off the ground no matter how much I visualize this happening. However, I know that I have the power to change this. I simply need to lose some fat and build some muscle. I’ve done it before so it can’t be that hard.

We had already purchased a pull-up bar in anticipation of starting the P90X program. It’s the kind that goes either inside of a door frame or on top of two opposing door frames. We mounted it on top of two opposing door frames as we felt it would have added support and there would be no chance of it coming down. It mounts by twisting the bar until the tension is great enough to hold it sturdily in place. Since the only portion of the test that I failed was the pull up portion, I decided to go ahead with the P90X program and instead of doing pull-ups I would just replace them initially will lat pull downs. Sounds like a plan.

In order to do lat pull-downs I would simply throw a rubber workout band over the bar, sit beneath it, and pull the band down towards my shoulders. I was part way into the routine alternating between push ups and lat pull downs and all was going well until I did something extremely stupid.

I wanted to get more resistance from the band I was using and so I kept backing up until I was about 6 or 7 feet away from the pull up bar. Can you see the problem? I just never thought that I’d be strong enough to pull the bar loose with just a rubber workout band. This thought never occurred to me but oh how I wish it had.

What happened next was truly one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. I was seated on my knees with my butt on my heels and began to pull the bands and this time there was adequate tension as I had moved away from the bar. It looked as if I was pulling back like how you would pull a sling shot. Then all of the sudden, the bar broke loose, came flying at me, smashed into my head, and knocked me on the floor. The sound it made was like a baseball bat hitting a baseball; one incredibly loud crack!

As I fell to the floor, I screamed and my husband came running in. The pain was so intense that it would be hard to describe. It brought tears to my eyes. I ended up with a very swollen forehead as the bar hit me on the left side of my head about an inch above the hairline. At first, only my forehead was swollen. Then the next day as the swelling moved down my face I had two black and swollen eyes. I had two black eyes for a couple of weeks as the swelling continued to move downward. My head was very sore from the severe blow. I still can’t believe I didn’t lose consciousness and fracture my skull. It’s possible that I did fracture my skull but other than the swelling and bruising and headache, I had no other real symptoms so it doesn’t appear that there’s any brain damage.

I’ve learned two things from this ordeal: one is that I have a really hard head, which I suspect my husband has known for years, and two, is that instead of making resolutions I’ve decided it’s best to simply make better decisions.

By always making the best decisions, I would have avoided ending up in a place where I needed a resolution. If I had made the best decision in regards to my fitness regime, I would have most likely realized that what I was doing might not have worked.

So rather than make any resolutions, I’ve distilled the whole process down to one thing: I’m simply going to make better decisions in the first place and try to avoid becoming a human target for a giant slingshot!

20 Things I've Learned From My Cat

2009-10-14T03:56:00.000-07:00

by: Debra Wier

We’ve had the good fortune of sharing our home with our cat, Puddin’, for nearly 16 years now. This means she is going on 80 in human years. She was a young stray when we found her or rather, when she found us. She was hanging around the place I used to work and since she was so persistent with her little meow, I simply had to pet her. She certainly was a lovable cat. It was dark outside so I didn’t really get a good look at her.

After I came home from work, I told my husband about the cat and suggested we drive by there since we were going out. He said, “That cat isn’t gonna be there, that was 2 hours ago! Besides, what would we do with it?” Well I wanted to go back anyway, just in case. I really had no plans of taking her home, at least consciously. I mainly just wanted him to see her.

When we arrived back at the office, I got out of the car and called her. I said something goofy like, “Where’s Mom’s baby?” She instantly came running out from under a bush across the street. My husband said, “Well I’ll be damned!” I took this as some kind of sign and my husband just fell in love with her immediately. He said we needed to take her home and feed her because he could feel her ribs. “Yeah but we don’t even have a litter box or cat food or anything and I’m not sure I want an indoor cat. What if she has fleas?” I had a million excuses but we decided we’d just feed her and keep her as an outdoor cat. Yeah right! That idea lasted for all of about two seconds.

We took her home and since we didn’t have any cat food we gave her tuna and milk. We let her come in and we put the food on a plate in the foyer. She lapped everything up in record time. Now that I could see her in the light, I thought she was the most beautiful cat I’d ever seen. It was those huge eyes; so big and beautiful. She reminded me of an owl.

After her feast, we opened the door for her to leave but she didn’t want to go back outside. NO WAY! As far as she was concerned, she had hit the mother lode, the jackpot, the lottery! The funny thing is she’s never been out since! She loves being an indoor cat and loves living the life of Riley.

We originally named her Savannah but then started calling her Puddin’ because my Dad had affectionately called her that once. It was a name she responded to quite well and it seemed to be a better fit. So we kept calling her Puddin’ and it just stuck. She unfortunately has a slow metabolism, and is now a big fat butterball, weighing in at nearly 22 pounds. While she no longer does back flips and now needs to be carried up the stairs, she continues to bring us much joy.

If you are lucky enough to share your home with a cat, then you know the wonder of the fabulous feline. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like cats, I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t understand how anybody can dislike any animal; it makes no sense to me.

Animals behave as designed by nature. They are usually not mean spirited unless they are mistreated. Obviously, I wouldn’t have a pet shark because their behavior isn’t really all that compatible with humans.

Just because cats don’t jump all over you, slobber on you, and lick you to death doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They simply have a different way of showing it. Whenever I hear someone say they hate cats it reminds me of not liking someone because of their skin color. I guess prejudice isn’t limited to human beings.

There’s an Irish proverb that says, “Beware of anyone who dislikes cats”. My feeling is that people who don’t like cats simply don’t understand them or don’t take the time to.

I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned from my cat. If you’re a cat lover then you can relate, if you’re not, then I hope perhaps I’ve made you more open minded to enjoying these magnificent creatures.

Things I’ve learned from my cat:

1. Sleep does the body good

2. Comfort is highly underrated

3. Baroque music is soothing to the soul and silence is golden

4. Getting your back scratched is one of life’s great pleasures

5. You learn when you explore; after all, the world is your oyster

6. Stretching after a nap is highly recommended

7. Showing no expression makes us appear less judgmental

8. You can learn a great deal by being a good listener

9. Don’t hesitate to give affection to those you love

10. Your crap should be covered at all times

11. It’s essential to be fastidious with your grooming habits

12. Even if you’re smarter than everyone else, there’s no need to let it show

13. Don’t worry about what others think of you

14. It’s best to live life on your own terms

15. When you go out on a limb, be sure to land on your feet

16. A persistent little nudge can pay off big time

17. Attitude is everything. Even if you’re just a kitten, see yourself as a lion

18. Independence is wonderful and so is companionship

19. If you have that wide-eyed, innocent look, it’s easy to get anything you ask for

20. Purring is an excellent way to show appreciation

How to Research Any Job Market

2009-10-08T04:13:00.000-07:00

by: Joy Akinlolu

A lot of job seekers today just jump on the queue, without prior knowledge about the company or market they are applying to. What happens after? They end up more disappointed and frustrated.

Only those who understand how to stand out can get the job. More so, remember no one will recruit a liability not even to talk of a novice. Never worry you are about to be exploded!

So let roll!

In carrying out your job search, you need to have several kinds of information at your disposal. You will need to research industry trends, details about the particular company you are or will be applying to, even details about the human resources manager. What I am saying is that, assuming you are applying to bank now, which common today, you first like to know about what is happening in industry which is BANKING, ok! Then later you will move to the particular bank you are applying to and the type of HR manager they have.

Cleared? Fine, let's ride on.

While carrying out these research put in mind the following questions so that it can serve as a guide during your search. They are;

What is it about this industry do I need to know so that I can ask and answer questions intelligently?

where can I get information about them?

What type of information am I looking for?

What do I need to know about the HR manager that will help me to write a better application letter and also be able to answer questions more confidently during the interview?

Remember carrying out a research is not like eating your best food, and that is why many job seekers shy away from it. If you consider the rate at which people are employed through a newspaper advert. You will found out that only a few find their job via these means.

Once you can research the market properly, then you will have a better idea of what you going in for. More importantly you will be able to tailor your CV and application letter more effectively due to the level of information you have at your disposal.

Now, How to carry out the research!

As you start off, researching the company trends, what you will be looking for are:

The main growth area.

The main players in the market.

The main challenges and problems facing the industry.

Now you know what you will look for, and then make a visit to the nearest university library or any other well equipped library around you search for their reference guide on your chosen industry trends. If this do not work then you go on-line and make your search on the common search engines, this does not take much time to find out.

Now next step is for you to narrow down your search to some specific companies which you are aiming for in your job search. While doing this, keep in mind these key facts about each of these organizations. These can be categorizing into six, they are;

Strong and weak point.

Major challenges.

Organizational structure.

Organizational culture.

Company size like: number of staff, profit, market share, profit, etc.

Main competitors.

To make the search easier for you, get hold of the companies report, or as I said earlier go online and get your hand on this information.

If this do not work find a means of speaking to their employees about what it is like working for that particular company, ask them about their competitors, strength and weakness, every other thing you deemed fit.

Now we are done with the company, let's move further to your specific job.

In doing this effectively you will need to know the following things;

What will be your task and responsibilities

What is the required qualification?

The typical salary job

What are their human resources like?

Laying your hand on a thing like this will make you better prepared with your CV and most importantly the interview.

WARNING

If you do not do your research so well, the company may say or do something that will as been ignorant of their business, which may ruin your opportunity of been taken. But if you do it will you will increase your chances by 100%.

For you to do it right it is better you have a file for all this research so that you can keep a track of those information it can be of help during your interview.

ACTION PLAN QUESTIONS

1. Why do you need to research your Job market?

2. How do I carry out the search?

3. What do I need to know about my chosen company?

4. What questions do I need answered as regard the Job I am looking for?

Does Psychotherapy Work?

2009-10-08T04:11:00.001-07:00

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Many years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had personally experienced with many different therapists and many different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced what I had learned, and I was never happy with the results.

I saw that people often felt better for the moment, or resolved a particular issue, but that when new issues came up, they didn't have a process for dealing with them. In all the years of my own therapy, I had never learned a process either - a process for loving myself and taking 100% responsibility for my own feelings and needs. In fact, taking responsibility for my feelings was never a part of any of the therapies I had experienced. I had learned to express my feelings - which often turned out to be a form of control - but not how I was creating my own feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, guilt and shame.

I no longer practice traditional psychotherapy because, in my experience, it doesn't work. For the past 23 years I have worked with clients with the Inner Bonding process. In fact, I have many psychotherapists in my practice learning this process, because they are discouraged with the results of traditional psychotherapy in their work and in their own lives.

WHAT WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T WORK

So, does psychotherapy work? It does if what you are learning about is how to connect with your own feelings and take responsibility for them; how to discover the false beliefs that are creating your painful feelings; and how to connect with a personal source of spiritual Guidance that teaches you the truth and the loving action toward yourself. It works when you are willing to learn to take loving action in your own behalf and share your love with others. It works when you are willing to stop blaming the past, your parents, your partner, society, events, or God for your suffering and learn that you are the cause of your own suffering. It works when you are willing to stop seeing yourself as a victim of others and circumstances and learn to be loving to yourself.

What does not work is spending years analyzing the past. While the past shaped our beliefs, and it is important to understand where we learned what we learned, dwelling on it is a waste of time. In my experience, if we stay current with discovering the false beliefs that cause our painful feelings, the past will become illuminated. When we realize, for example, that we spend much time and energy judging ourselves, it is easy to go into the past to see where we learned this. Did one or both of your parents judge you? Did they judge themselves? What was the role modeling you grew up with? Did either of your parents take responsibility for their feelings, or were they victims, blaming each other or you or others for their misery? It is not hard to learn about the past when we are willing to examine our current choices and behavior toward ourselves and others.

YOUR SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

Psychotherapy that does not include developing a spiritual connection does not work. Our spiritual connection is the Source we need to turn to for wisdom and comfort. In order to deal lovingly with the challenges of life, we need to know that we are not alone, and that we always have our higher Guidance to turn to for the truth and loving action toward ourselves and others.

True healing is about learning how to take full, 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs. It is about moving out of self-abandonment and emotional dependency and into emotional freedom. When you find a therapist, facilitator or coach who helps you to do this, then you will find great benefit.

The Golden Rule

2009-10-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

by: Rick Walker

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you"
Mt 7:12 - NIV

We have all heard the Golden Rule but do we really understand it, particularly with regard to our daily interaction with others?

I have been reading the discussion of "The Golden Rule" as presented in Chapter 16 of Napoleon Hill's "Law of Success" and have had an epiphany! I always took the Golden Rule to suggest that you will receive the same (or similar) response from others in similar fashion to the way you treat them. Treat people nicely and people will treat you nicely (and who doesn't want to be treated nicely?). Treat people poorly and expect to be treated poorly.

Is this, however, what is meant by "Do unto others ..." and, more importantly, who does it REALLY benefit the most?

Day to Day Interactions

In our day-to-day lives, we all interact with people; family, friends, business associates and strangers. And, so much of our day is influenced upon the outcomes of those interactions or, more specifically, how we respond to those outcomes.

If we take the transit system or, as an even more emphatic example, an elevator to work, we are very familiar with the manner in which we stay isolated in our separate world, interacting as little as possible with those around us. We have our protective barriers erected against possible interaction. We read books or the newspaper, plug ourselves into our iPods or work on our lap-tops. No end to the ways in which we can communicate the fact that we don't want to ... well, communicate.

If we have an exchange with a taxi driver, vendor or just bump into someone in the street, depending on the nature of both their response and our own, such an incident can set a "mood" for an entire day, if we let it. Some days, simply getting up "on the wrong side of the bed" in the morning can spoil a day, if we let it.

These are, I suggest, examples of how we might "manifest what we visualize into our lives", examples of how "attraction" and "magnetism" colours our interactions with people, how the "Law of Attraction" works when dealing with "mankind". Our mind set, our disposition dictates how we treat the world and, in return, how the world treats us.

"Such as are thy habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of thy mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts. Dye it, then, with a continuous series of such thoughts ..."
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Classic Examples

As an extreme example, let's consider the character Scrooge in Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol". The story begins by defining Scrooge's character as "... a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner!" ... before he meets Jacob Marley and the three ghosts. As Scrooge moves through every aspect of every day, his interactions with one and all are confrontational and distasteful. He is an entirely unsavoury character with whom to associate and overpowers everyone he encounters with his self-, or more accurately, money-centred consciousness. There are some exceptions, the most notable being his nephew who exudes Christmas cheer despite his uncle's ugly disposition. Scrooge exemplifies the definitive bad attitude toward his fellow man. It is very enlightening that his disposition is a direct result of his money centred consciousness.

He treats everyone he encounters with the character resulting from his money centred consciousness, every human interaction is based on an extreme "cost benefits analysis". In return, he receives cautious, timid, thoroughly cowed responses from his employees, disbelief and disappointment from businessmen (seeking charitable donations) and contempt from his business peers when informed of his death (Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come).

At the other extreme, let us look at another Christmas classic - "It's A Wonderful Life". George Bailey goes through his life (as reviewed for Clarence, his guardian angel) always giving of himself for his family, friends and "Building and Loan" clients, even going so far as to extend loans to his clients immediately after his wedding in response to a desperate financial crisis. He is presented, in many instances, as resenting his circumstances (but, tellingly, not resenting those he has helped). These responses are consistent with the core beliefs of his character. When life presents him with his own desperate, individual crisis, his family, friends and even strangers all come willingly, even eagerly, forward in order to provide the necessary assistance, far in excess of his actual requirements.

"A man reaps what he sows ... Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up"
Gal. 6:7 and 9

Admittedly, these are carefully constructed plots for story purposes, however, they do portray contrasting examples of the human experience and, more specifically, they exemplify "The Golden Rule". Both characters get back responses from their fellow man consistent with the core beliefs of their characters which dictate the nature of their interaction with their fellow man.

Where Scrooge presents a miserly disposition to those whom he encounters, he receives a similarly negative response in return. In contrast, where George Bailey exemplifies a generous and caring disposition in his daily life, he is offered respect, admiration and, when desperately needed, generosity in return. This generosity, as I stated above, was far in excess of his actual needs.

So, when we go about our lives on a day-to-day basis, what is the nature of the character we exemplify toward others; our family, friends, business associates and the strangers we meet. If we typically offer the world an unfriendly disposition, should we not expect, over time, to develop an unfriendly character? On the other hand, if we make active attempts to greet those whom we encounter in a friendly manner, should we not expect to develop a friendly disposition in our character?

"Manifest the Change You Desire in the World"

To be clear, all I am proposing is a simple smile, and possibly a "Hello", to the people we meet in the course of our day. A little daily courtesy to the coffee vendor in the morning. Simply small acts of courtesy and kindness in your day. It has been said that smiles are contagious. Perhaps smiles are similar to love in that it might be very hard to give them away as they are always given back.

"... our brains become magnetized with the dominating thoughts which we hold in our minds, and ... these "magnets" attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts".
Napoleon Hill

If we are going about our day with a cheerful disposition, we should reasonably expect to get cheerful responses from those whom we know. We may not get a cheerful response from the strangers we meet, however, give some thought to how someone you didn't know, passing by with a smile, may have been a ray of sunlight in your day. Furthermore, it's hard to have a bad day if you are smiling.

Who Really Benefits?

In the scenarios presented above, all those involved in the proposed exchanges realize some emotional response out of the exchanges. However, I suggest that you are the greatest (or worst) beneficiary of the exchanges. I believe we reap what we sow. If we present a pleasant and outgoing (positive) demeanor to those we encounter in our day, we become pleasant and outgoing and develop a corresponding positive attitude.

If, on the other hand, we present a disagreeable, negative demeanor to the world, we will drive people away and develop a negative attitude to the world over time (to match our negative demeanor - negative response feedback loop).
To take this argument further, in order to develop the character traits we desire in ourselves, we need to be actively exemplifying them in our daily lives. If these character traits are foreign to us, then we need to initially act" them out in order to eventually possess them. I believe this is what Napoleon Hill suggests in "Think and Grow Rich" and "Law of Sucess".

If we walk around, day-in and day-out, with a frown on our faces, how long until we develop a frown on our heart (if you will permit the metaphor)). Conversely, if we pass our day with a smile on our faces, acknowledging and relishing the good things we encounter every day, how long until we develop that same smile in our heart.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"
Gal. 5:22

At the very least, begin and end your days with a smile and good word for the members of your family. A smile from your wife or husband as you head off to work and smiles from your children goes a long way to easing the stress and tension in a day.

We reap what we sow. With these words in mind, I suggest we go out and sow a cheerful day. Doing so will place a cheerful disposition on ours souls and, over time, we will reap cheerfulness from those we meet.

"A man passes for what he is worth. What he is engraves itself on his face, on his form, on his fortunes, in letters of light which all men may read but himself. ... ".
Emerson.

Memory Fitness

2009-10-01T05:43:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Rowinsky

Whether you call it a “senior moment” or a “mind glitch,” the truth is that as we get older our memory and thought processes are just not what they used to be. A friend of mind claims that for the past ten years she hasn’t remembered the name of any new person she met. Another describes those frequent moments when the word is right on the tip of your tongue but for the life of you it just won’t materialize. Still another says her memory has gotten so rusty lately that her kids take advantage of it, sometimes having her believing that she approved an expenditure, when she can’t even remember them asking about it!

Just as daily weight repetitions in the gym strengthen certain muscle groups, mental exercises strengthen and enhance memory and thought functions over time. The following are some exercises you can use to increase your memory fitness:

• Do crossword puzzles and brainteasers on a regular basis.

• Play games that use memory like chess, bridge, or Trivial Pursuit.

• Memorize your shopping list by visualizing your trip through the supermarket. See yourself stop at each aisle putting what you need in your cart. When you get to the store, use your memory to select the items. Bring a written list along to be sure you haven’t forgotten anything.

• Each time you come to the end of a chapter in a book you are reading, imagine yourself summarizing it as briefly as possible to someone who has not read it. Do the same for the whole book when you finish it.

• Link together items that you need to remember into story form. If you need to do errands that include going to the hardware store, the dry cleaners, and the post office, your story might be: You get grease on your clothes at the hardware store so you must go to the dry cleaners. While at the dry cleaners you find an envelope in your pocket that needs to be mailed.

• When meeting someone for the first time, repeat her name as you are introduced. Ask a question about the spelling (is that Ann with an E at the end?) Find a distinctive feature about the person and picture it with the spelling of the person’s name. Associate the name with a song, a rhyme, or a celebrity (Example: if you meet someone named Marilyn, associate the person with Marilyn Monroe.)

Along with aging, memory loss is often the result of chronic stress. If you are going through a particularly stressful time in your life, you will most likely experience difficulty in remembering things. Try the following to help with the forgetfulness caused by stress:

• Put your keys in the same place in your purse and leave them in the same place when you enter your house.

• Try to park in the same place when using parking lots you frequent regularly.

• Keep a small notepad handy and write down things you know you need to remember.

• Purchase a small digital recorder or use the voice recording feature on your cell phone to record things that occur to you while away from home.

• Use timers to remind you of appointments and when you need to take medication.

• If you take more than one medicine a day, purchase a pill reminder box and use it so that you will not have to guess whether you've taken your medication or not.

• Slow down!

Sometimes memory loss is just a symptom of a too busy life but it also can alert us to a problem in the brain. Most of us have at one time or another worried that we had early Alzheimer's Disease. If you are concerned whether your forgetfulness has an organic cause you may want to read Understanding Memory Loss, an online booklet by the National Institute on Aging that can help you figure out whether you should seek an evaluation.

If you are having difficulty remembering things, it may be due to stress, anxiety, or depression. Life is challenging and when we are challenged we forget things. Besides the exercises above, you may want to visit a qualified mental health professional for help.

When you cannot remember something, it often makes you feel anxious or stressed. Good self care for you may include improving your memory. Using memory exercises, finding stress reducing strategies that work for you, and educating yourself about what is normal and what is abnormal memory loss can help. Of course, you have to remember to do them!

Living with Loneliness

2009-10-01T05:37:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Rowinsky

Loneliness can make one feel sad, anxious, and depressed. Most people feel lonely at some point in there life. You don't have to feel lonely if you decide to take control of your loneliness and do something about it.

Loneliness is feeling empty inside. It is a feeling of separateness and isolation. It is a feeling of being out of touch with other human beings. People experience loneliness when they do not have someone to depend on, a close family, a group of friends, or relationships with people at work or school. A person can be lonely even when surrounded by other people. We can feel lonely when there is a lack of intimacy in our relationships.

Loneliness occurs at all stages of our life. We may have felt it during our teenage years, as a new parent, when the children left home. Perhaps we never found Mr. or Ms. Right, or maybe we experienced the pain of divorce or the death of a spouse. Loneliness can be transitory and ebbs and flows during our lifetime. Different times of year often make lonely people even lonelier. It sometimes even causes feelings of loneliness in people who have many relationships.

You can learn to live with your loneliness by taking a proactive approach to it. The following are some ideas that can help. Keep an open mind as you read them. If you find yourself shaking your head and telling yourself you can't possibly do something about your loneliness, realize that only you can change the way you feel. If you don't like feeling lonely choose to take action to change.

Accept the reality of your loneliness. It is neither something to be ashamed of nor something to hide. Everyone, at some point in her life, has periods of loneliness-some people accept it, others try to deny it. Accepting it is the first step to finding some relief.

Express your loneliness. You may do it through tears or by writing your feelings. Expressing your loneliness to yourself can often give you insight as to what is causing it.

Question whether you need help in dealing with your loneliness. Feelings of "aloneness" can often stem from depression. You may want talk with a therapist or speak with the leader of your religious community about it.

Push yourself to have contact with others. Call your local community center, church, synagogue, or senior center. Ask for a list of groups and activities. Select one that appeals to you and then make yourself attend a meeting or program. It will feel awkward at first but you won't be the only person there who doesn't know anyone. Even if you are, each person there had to come for the first time at one point.

Sign-up for a class. Most towns and cities have community colleges or recreation centers that offer adult education. Choose a class that interests you-photography, creative writing, bowling, or maybe even French.

Introduce yourself to someone who also appears alone. If you feel awkward and don't know what to say, pretend you are interviewing that person for a newspaper article. Most people are flattered when someone shows an interest in them.

Suggest meeting for coffee or attending a concert or play together when you meet someone with whom you feel you have something in common.

Understand that it takes time to establish intimate relationships and build trust. But, nothing is going to happen until you start.

Volunteer your talents. Call your local volunteer center to see what services are needed. Choose an activity that brings you in contact with other people. Regularly scheduled time with other people can offer you a respite as you work your way out of your loneliness.

Join an on-line community. If you have Internet access, find sites of interest to you that have discussion groups. You can read what other people have to say and share your feelings anonymously until you feel safe.

Re-connect with distant relatives or old friends. Plan a reunion with people whom you haven't seen in years. Bring together a group of your old high school buddies or cousins with whom you've lost contact.

Exercise at a fitness center. There are fitness centers in every price range. Find one that seems to have people your age. Exercise helps ease the feelings of depression. Strike up a conversation with the person on the treadmill next to yours. Meet people during a stretch class or swimming lessons.

Take a bus trip for single people.

Seek help from a qualified counselor or therapist to try to learn how old patterns or communication problems keep you isolated or unable to develop relationships. Social anxiety is real for many people. Counseling can help you learn ways to deal with social anxiety so that you will find it less stressful to find new relationships.

Choosing to reach out to another is difficult but the rewards make it worth the effort. If you are ready to address your loneliness and do something about it, congratulate yourself on your willingness to take control of your life and then take the first step.

Sometimes people who feel alone also feel hopeless, powerless, and depressed. If you think your loneliness has gone beyond your ability to help yourself, you may want to seek out a qualified counselor or psychotherapist who can help you figure out why you feel so lonely. There are lots of reasons and many times it takes an outside, objective, person to help you figure out why this is an issue for you. Seeking counseling does not mean you are crazy nor have a mental illness. In fact, seeking counseling or therapy is an example of a healthy behavior.

"Thinking First, Doing Later" - (It's All About The Thinking)

2009-09-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

by: Virginia McBride

What is the most frequently heard complaint in business? How about, "I don't have enough time?" Do you say it to yourself? Do you say it to other people? Do you take work home? Do you return to work on the weekends? Do you identify the cause of the complaint of not having enough time? After all, we all have the same amount of time in every 24-hour period. Now, let's turn the complaint around. How do you use your time?

ANSWERING THE QUESTION - For starters, look at your calendar for the last week or month. What occupied the bulk of your time? What do you remember of each event? How many meetings did you attend? How many of those meetings were simply up-dates of past work or on-going work? How many phone conversations did you have? What was the purpose of those calls? How many people were involved simultaneously in the calls? How many lunches were on your calendar? What was accomplished during those lunches? Get a sense of what gobbles-up your time, especially what is non-productive.

If you do not maintain a calendar, take any work-day and document how you use your time. To see patterns, divide the day into modules that are small enough for you to identify wasted time. Fifteen minutes is a good working module. Record everything, even the "snack breaks." At the end of the day, ask yourself, "If I were leaving for vacation to Paris on an airplane tomorrow morning, how would I have changed my day?" Do not allow yourself to move "work" to your vacation. Be brutally honest.

WHAT'S MISSING - Chances are good that no time was set aside specifically for thinking. Everything was DOING! However, thinking, especially before doing, accelerates your doing.

For example, suppose someone asked you to move a pile of dirt from Point A to Point B. How would you complete the task? What steps would you go through? Whatever the situation, ask questions for clarification. These are mostly Yes/No questions. Do you care what the pile looks like at Point B? Do you have a preference for how the pile is moved? Must the entire pile be moved to Point B? Is there anything you want us to NOT do? Is there anything you want us to avoid? Clarification, even if detailed to the point of being picky, takes just a couple of minutes. In the end the job is done the way the pile owner wanted it done. Sadly, the rule of the workplace is there is never enough time to do something correctly the first time. Yet, there is always time to fix it later.

PLAN YOUR THINKING TIME - One, establish a thinking module that you can insert regularly into each day. Personally, I find that I can generally protect, without interruption, at least one 15-minute module during each day. No phone calls accepted. No instant messages read. Only thinking about my chosen focus. On good days, I can carve out bigger modules of time for focused thinking.

Two, establish a thinking agenda. Generally, I start with a "frustration" agenda. These may be problems that I am facing or ones for which I have responsibility. These may also be ideas that I want to develop for future programs, services, products, etc. These may also be "wish lists" of things I wish I could get to. These may also be priorities that I must address.

Three, whatever your choice, ask any clarification questions of yourself that come to mind. Write them down. If you do not write them, they have a funny way of flying away on even the most gentle breeze - especially if your 15 minutes expires.

Four, answer all of your clarification questions. Then document what additional questions came to mind that were not specifically for clarification. These most frequently are HOW and WHY questions. Answer the HOW questions first. The answers you get may refocus your thinking on the WHY questions.

Five, with the clarification complete, you are now free to think about who else should be involved in thinking about your choice. When you have them identified, send them a message - convene a meeting, if you must - that you would like them to spend at least 15-minutes a day for the next five days thinking about how to "deal" with the "frustration." Ask each person to write one idea each day and send it to a designated person who will compile all of the suggestions. (If you regularly use project management software, post the compilations there. If you do not have a simple software, check out for their BaseCamp product.) The compiler then forwards the list of ideas to everyone who contributed.

At the end of the week, prepare a total list of the ideas. Ask your idea people to vote for the top three that they believe should be moved forward for additional thinking. File the non-selected items for future thinking adventures.

Six, with much significant thinking completed, take the top three ideas and repeat the process. What additional thinkers should be included? Your original thinkers can offer suggestions. Repeat the process as long as you are getting quality ideas or you are expanding your group of thinkers. At some point, when you feel you are ready to move to decision-making and execution, close the idea session.

MOVING TO THE FUTURE - As you close the endeavor, ask your idea-providers how the process worked for them. Identify participants who would like to be included in future thinking events. Continuing, ask what changes they would make to the process, how they would evaluate their sense of productivity during the thinking event, what items they believe should be the next focus, how should people be chosen to participate in the next thinking event?

Finally, take a quiet moment for yourself to reflect on the thinking process and the thinking event. You were all "DOING the THINKING." Was everyone working? You betcha! Big time! And, the brains of most of the participants returned repeatedly to thinking about their focus throughout the day and week, well beyond the stipulated 15-minute module. Chances are good that everyone felt excited about the thinking and about the possible outcomes of the thinking.

If you lead by showing that you value thinking, others will follow you. By contrast, if you lead by showing that you value doing-without-thinking, people will mirror your behavior. Remember, thinking is exciting. Learning about "collective thinking" as a productivity tool is incredibly valuable and powerful. Now, ask yourself how you can use the "Thinking First" positioning to shorten the "work-week" while increasing productivity throughout your company. Thinking first accelerates your doing, your best doing!

Integrating and Putting It All Together

2009-09-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

by: Lloyd Irvin

Across 17 chapters, mental preparation concepts and techniques have been discussed in detail in this book. We now look at how to bring it all together in an easy step-by-step approach for a grappler or combat athlete to start applying these methods on a regular basis. Some key points from earlier chapters will be highlighted here to emphasize their importance in a comprehensive mental preparation program. The steps outlined here take into account all aspects of mental preparation discussed in this book. It gives you a complete and integrated approach to mental preparation. Grapplers and combat athletes who believe that they are already good at some aspects of mental preparation can choose the ones in which they believe they need help.

Twenty Steps to an Integrated Mental Preparation Program

STEP 1: At the very top the heap, the very first thing you should do is goal setting.

Several aspects of your mental framework are dependent on the goals that you start out with in your grappling or combat athletics career. Your goals will

• decide your motivation levels
• define you career track
• define your ambition
• indicate your level of commitment to the sport

Goals have to be set over an extended length of time (i.e., long-, medium-, and short-term goals), to give you the right perspective on where you are headed. You have to also periodically set performance-based goals based on your assessment of the skill areas in which you are deficient. Let's take a look at an abridged version of the key issues in achieving your goals.

Achieving your goals:

Your long-term goals (5-10+ years) are your vision for yourself and path that you hope your grappling or combat athletics career will take in the coming years. Your preparation has to start now, both mentally and physically if you want to participate in a national title or world title in a few years.

Getting mentally ready for major tournaments is a composite of your preparation and experiences over several years. Learning and skill development go through a gradual progression in eventually preparing you for the cherished big fights.

Medium-term goals (1-5 years) require that you constantly assess what is happening within the grappling and combat athletics fraternities, look for opportunities, evaluate the competition in terms wins and losses, and so on.

Short-term goals (6 months), given their immediacy, will require planning the exact dates when you should practice, train, and get yourself physically and mentally ready. The fitness regimen that you will follow, your diet program, your mental preparation, and the coaching sessions that you plan to attend all fall into place when you do the planning to achieve your short-term goals.

Performance-based goal setting:

This requires that you and your coach make an objective identification of weak areas or deficiencies in your and go about finding ways to improve your skills in those areas. These deficiencies could be in technique or they could even be in mental skills. You basically have to identify those aspects of your preparation that need enhancement to deliver peak performance. Since this type of goal setting is performance related, players feel motivated enough to see it through and overcome the weak, in their performance. What emerges is a goal-directed, mental skills training program, whereby the goals that have been set could be measured over time.

STEP 2: Commit yourself to consistency in mental skills preparation and follow the techniques on a regular basis. Mental skills work best if they are practiced and applied regularly. Develop a daily regimen. It can be as low as half an hour per day, but the positive results will be evident within a few weeks.

STEP 3: If you nurse a bloated ego, tone it down much before the match begins. A bloated diminishes the urge and ability to learn during practice sessions. You need an ego in order to develop the right competitive frame of mind, but too much of an ego can eventually pull you down. Use tips provided in Chapter 7 to deal with a big ego.

STEP 4: Sizing up your opponent is the next thing you should do in your mental preparation.

a) Analyze the history of the opponent's performance in terms of wins or losses and skills weak points displayed in previous matches.
b) Try to recall and bring to the fore any tactics that your opponent uses, so that you can build a strategy to neutralize them.

STEP 5: Apply the four-point approach to strategizing.

• Play to your plus points
• Be aware of shortcomings and vulnerabilities in your opponent
• Be aware of your own vulnerabilities
• Be flexible and develop alternative strategies

Build-in "If statements" to make your strategy as flexible as possible. Also, develop specific tactics to make your strategy workable.

STEP 6: Use simple methods like writing, audio-recordings, or computers to store your plan and strategy and commit it to your memory. Writing things down is one of the easiest ways to commit something to memory. Your recall of the information will significantly go up. It is also readily available to you for reference whenever you need to refresh your memory.

STEP 7: Use simulation to recreate the challenges and stresses in a real match.

STEP 8: Learn to visualize in order to mentally extend your practice time and to rehearse your moves in your mind on a regular basis.

Steps 9-14 have to be learned and applied almost simultaneously for the best effect. These steps address the many issues related to the critical mental process of achieving "Focus."

One of the most critical aspects of mental preparation is in applying all the mental skills required to achieve the multidimensional quality of focus.

Multidimensional facets of focus:

• If you are motivated, it brings focus to your game.
• If you have a healthy ego rather than a bloated ego, it brings focus to your game.
• If you concentrate on the task on hand, it brings focus to your game.
• If you are alert and attentive, it brings focus to your game.
• If you have a winning attitude, it brings focus to your game.
• If you have ambition and killer instinct, it brings focus to your game.
• If you have passion for the game, it brings focus to your game.
• If you shed mental baggage and negativity, it brings focus to your game.
• If you are consistent with your training, it brings focus to your game.
• If you develop your memory retrieval skills, it brings focus to your game.

STEP 9: Identify your motivators. Motivation is the fulcrum on which your sports career hinges.
If demotivated, use the tips provided in Chapter 7 to tide you over the depressed feeling. For instance, never view a single failure in isolation-you have to take a collective approach to your triumphs and failures. Your self-assessment has to straddle a set of tournaments rather than any one tournament where you could not achieve a win.

STEP 10: You can learn the "Distraction Breakers" and/or "Concentration Builders" to improve your involvement in your matches. When you concentrate, you will be able to use your mind at optimal levels to call on all aspects of your preparation and prepared at all times. Each of these can bring a high level of focus into your learning process and your performance in a match.

STEP 11: Analyze your attitude to the game and toward competition. Attitude is all about developing the right mindset and outlook to play in a competitive game. Attitude actually comprises three distinct traits:
a) Professional approach to competition: The "Assertive" approach is without a doubt the most professional approach to competition, and it is the best way to develop a winning attitude.
b) Determination and grit
c) Passion for the game

STEP 12: Override negativity by getting rid of mental baggage such as injury trauma, game failure, or problems in your personal life. Regain control over your thought processes and move ahead.

STEP 13: Make good use of practice sessions to develop both technique and mental skills.

• Prior to starting your practice, spend a few minutes thinking about what you would like to do, learn, and improve. Clearly outline issues that you want to deal with, such as styles, moves, concentration, intensity, alertness and so on.
• Display proactiveness and drive during training and treat it like a real game.
• Exercise control over your thought processes during training in much the same way that you will have to do in a match.
• After the practice session, spend a few minutes reflecting on what you learned and what you can follow up on in your spare time.
Maintain a performance monitor diary or audio recording.

STEP 14: Improve memory retrieval to efficiently apply the mental skills techniques.
Learn to use the "Image Cue Technique" and the "Structured Memory Technique:” They will help you with quick retrieval of your game plan, your styles, and your moves, during a match.

Steps 15 and 16 have to be followed a lot more diligently in the last few days before a match begins because that's when confidence wanes and stress sets in.

STEP 15: Use confidence-building techniques like positive self-talk, and "weeding-out," to build confidence in yourself. Learn to believe in your abilities.
Confidence + Belief in Self = Toughness

STEP 16: Relax: Try out the many relaxation techniques outlined in the book.

STEP 17: Deal with emotions-anger, fear-using the techniques provided.

STEP 18: Continue to use mental preparation in the few minutes before the game. These include breathing exercises, visualization and self-talk. The breathing exercises will help you stay calm visualization will bring top-of-mind the key styles and techniques that you want to use, and self-talk will maintain your confidence at high levels.

STEP 19: During the match, concentrate on the game as it unfolds, play your game as you planned it, be proactive and aggressive, pay attention and gauge your opponent's strategy, and be wary and alert at all times. You should also refocus as often as necessary so that you don't lose track of your game plan. Use breathing techniques if necessary to assist you in refocusing.

STEP 20: Post match review - Be brutally honest with yourself when you evaluate your performance. It will help pinpoint any weaknesses in your technique or mental skills. You can then run these weak areas more often in your preparation for the next match.

10 Top Things That Go Wrong With Willpower, and How to Fix Them

2009-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

1. Not having a clear goal in mind

Not knowing exactly what you want, or knowing that but not keeping it in mind, makes it very hard to remember what you need to do or why. If you don’t have a clear, short explanation of your goal that you could give anyone who asked at a moment’s notice, talk with a friend or write down your ideas until you can summarize your goals without even having to think about it. Then make sure to tell yourself about your goals regularly.

2. Trying to pursue more than one goal at a time

While it’s not absolutely impossible to pursue more than one goal at a time, doing so dilutes attention, focus, and mental resources. We only have so much time, attention, and effort we can put into changing our lives: trying to do more than one thing at a time is inviting trouble. What’s the single most important goal you have in front of you? Once you’re well on your way with that single, most important goal, it might be possible to get started on a second one.

3. Not being committed

Being committed to a goal means accepting it, taking complete responsibility for it yourself, and being willing to submit to the changes it will require in your life. (See Why Self-Reliance Requires Surrender.) If you’re not fully committed to your goal, feelings of resentment or rebelliousness, or a tendency to blame forces outside yourself for being in the situation you’re in, will block you from moving forward.

4. Failing to plan out specific steps

Knowing your goal is important, but in order to make real progress toward it, you’ll need to know exactly what you expect yourself to do. At any moment, you’ll need to know what the step you’re working on is and what the next step will be when you’re done with that.

5. Not setting aside time

You won’t make much progress toward your goal if you don’t set aside time to work on it. If you just try to fit it in when you have spare time, you’ll find your goal often gets lost in the shuffle.

6. Not keeping up a feedback loop

Having a feedback loop means stopping regularly (at least once or twice a week) to look carefully at what you’ve been doing to reach your goal and noticing what you need to work on, pay more attention to, improve, handle differently, or keep up. Some techniques for doing this include journaling, meeting with a group, blogging, participating in an online forum, or talking with a friend who’s helping you keep on track.

7. Not paying attention to your thoughts

Building willpower or reaching a goal means changing habits, and changing habits means paying more attention to when decisions are arising and what factors are influencing our decisions. Bad choices are very often choices that we rushed past or didn’t think carefully through at the time. Understanding what’s going on in our own minds when making choices doesn’t always get us to make better choices, but it’s a necessary step to getting better and better at making those choices. For one way to become more aware of your choices and thinking, read How To Improve Willpower Through Writing Things Down: Decision Logging.

8. Not enjoying the steps

It’s easy to think of the steps we need to take to reach a goal as being painful or difficult, but finding the pleasure in those steps simplifies everything. See Using enjoyment as a tool to reach goals.

9 Not preparing

If we wait until we’re actually faced with choices, we may not be prepared to tackle them well. Some choices even pass by before we realize they were coming, unless we prepare by looking ahead. An example is lateness: being on-time means planning intelligently for when to leave for an appointment and getting everything ready beforehand so that it’s possible to leave at that time. Even for choices we recognize as they come up, we may not be mentally or emotionally prepared to tackle them. Paying attention to broken ideas, meditating, and organizing are some of the techniques we can use to prepare ourselves to do better.

10. Taking setbacks too hard

Changing habits is hard, and doing a difficult thing day after day often means some short-term setbacks or failures. Failure doesn’t need to be a pattern: it can be taken as a learning experience. Consider that if a person is trying to quit smoking, their chances of succeeding are much higher if they have tried and failed to quit smoking before than if they had never tried. Even failure is a step forward. It’s not trying at all that we have to watch out for.

How to Strengthen Willpower Through Practice

2009-09-15T05:18:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

One of the most encouraging pieces of information I’ve turned up lately about self-motivation is that willpower can be strengthened by practice. However, the exact kind of practice is important if you want good results.

Some articles I’ve read liken willpower to a muscle, and suggest that all you have to do to strengthen willpower is to exercise that muscle. A New York Times blog entry makes the recommendation as an example that you try strengthening willpower by making yourself brush your teeth on the wrong side.

The problem with this kind of view is that it assumes willpower is the same thing as self-control, ignoring the other pieces of the puzzle.

Willpower usually involves overcoming ingrained habits we don’t like (like staying up watching television too late every night) or developing new habits that we do like (like taking ten minutes to straighten up at the end of every work day). And while building or breaking habits can be done with self-control to some extent, trying to increase your self-control in general in order to build or break a particular habit is like trying to build a brick wall by lifting weights: sure, you’ll get a stronger over time, and be able to lift the bricks a little more easily. But why not concentrate on the wall? You’ll build up muscles that way anyway.

Concentrating on building the wall means

■ having clear goals
■ understanding what kinds of decisions are going to help get us to those goals
■ recognizing the times when we have such a decision to make, and
■ making the right call at those times.
General self-control only helps with that last piece, and it’s not the only tool we can bring to bear even for that.

The other pieces have a lot to do with self-awareness (mindfulness) and self-understanding, and there are some good techniques to help those things along that I’ll discuss in other posts.

For now, here are some simple guidelines for practices that help build willpower and get you some immediate results at the same time:

1. Begin by choosing one area of your life where you want to make progress
2. Figure out what kinds of decisions you want to see yourself making in that area
3. Put special effort into noticing when those decisions come up
4. Pay attention to your mood and what’s influencing it. Are you more likely to make bad decisions when something’s bugging you? What kinds of distractions keep you from paying close enough attention to your decisions?

The more aware you become of your own mental processes, the more automatically you recognize the chance to make good decisions and can take advantage of them.

There’s a particular technique I’ve been experimenting with called “decision logging” that seems to be very promising in terms of building up willpower and clearing away mental obstacles; I’ll take the opportunity to blog about that in the near future.

Takeaways:

■ Exercising willpower can help make willpower stronger
■ To make good decisions, we have to first figure out what kinds of decisions we want to make
■ Good decisions come in part from understanding ourselves and being aware of our moods and reactions

7 Key Self-Motivation Strategies for Writers

2009-09-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

Writing–especially writing and trying to sell large projects, like novels–is a clear-cut example of an area where self-motivation is essential. While this post is written especially for writers, the techniques I’ll talk about can be applied to practically any kind of project where self-motivation is needed.

Motivating ourselves to write can be hard: blank pages stare at us implacably, or we get 75,000 words into a novel and then realize there’s a basic flaw that will require a huge rewrite, or we’ll get dozens of rejection letters for every acceptance.

Writers generally need enthusiasm for a story to do a really good job of writing it, need to sustain their involvement in a project for months or often years, and need to be able to face rejection after rejection without giving up. Even very good writers typically see many rejections before they sell their work (Stephen King, when he started his career, put a big nail in his wall and spiked each of his rejection letters on there as he went. Fortunately, it turned out well for him in the end, although he collected hundreds of rejection letters before he really got off the ground). Self-motivation is tough in this kind of environment. Here are some tools for maximizing it. These notes can be useful to any writer, but they’re mainly written with fiction in mind.

Pick Your Project Very Carefully

A certain kind of writer tends to write whatever they’re most passionate about, regardless of length, genre, marketability, and so on. Another kind of writer tends to write whatever seems to be the most salable, whatever the market seems to be crying out for. A third kind of writer tends to follow some particular pattern dictated by their writing practices, being propelled neither by passion nor by saleability but by process. All of these approaches have their good points, and each can have real drawbacks under certain circumstances. The approach I would suggest is different from all of these: it’s to put extra effort into brainstorming, then making a careful selection from the possibilities.

What I mean by this is that when it’s time to start a new project–say the last project is finished, or has been scrapped, or needs to sit in a drawer for a while before you can get any perspective on it, or this is your first novel–instead of looking for an idea for a new project, you look for a lot of ideas for new projects, using a variety of methods to come up with them. Review ideas you’ve jotted down or the ones that have been in your head. Look at some of your favorite books and see what you like most about them. Sit down and brainstorm at least two or three ideas out of the blue.

But why go to all this trouble when you have an idea you already know you’re burning to write, or that you think will sell well? Because our first ideas are often not our best ones, and a little time spent picking the right goal can save a huge amount of time working on the wrong one. It’s well worth slaving away at this brainstorming phase for a few hours even if at the end of it you opt for the idea you were interested in in the first place, if for no other reason than to understand deeply and clearly exactly why that idea is the best one for you to work on. And many times careful consideration of possibilities will yield a much better idea than anything that would have come up on its own.

Then comes the choosing. Passion counts for a lot: it’s very difficult to make a reader passionate about a book that the writer wasn’t passionate about when it was written. But other factors should probably figure in too, unless you’re only writing for yourself. Marketability? If you really want to sell your work, it would be ill-advised to ignore this unless you’re of the opinion that it’s impossible to tell what will sell. So writing a vampire novel because you love writing about vampires isn’t a bad idea, and writing a vampire novel because they’re in demand (let’s suppose) can work out well, but by far the best reason to write a vampire novel is that you’re passionate about it and someone’s clamoring to buy that kind of thing.

This applies to any decision: we often try to make choices based on one overwhelming factor, like buying something because it’s the cheapest or because we’re enchanted with it. But any of our priorities we put aside when making an important decision will come back to haunt us later. If the cheapest item breaks long before the more expensive version would have, or if the thing we’re enchanted costs so much that we end up short on the rent …

But what does choosing well have to do with self-motivation? There are two key things: first, it’s not that helpful to motivate ourselves toward a goal we don’t actually want to reach. While even working toward a wrong goal can be educational, the same can be said of working toward the right goal, and the right goal has the additional benefit of paying off, which is an educational experience in itself.

Second, if we are working toward a wrong goal, sooner or later we will realize it isn’t something we really want to achieve (or we’ll achieve it, and the expected payoff will never materialize), and then we’ll be back to zero, with the sense that work gets us nowhere.

Always Keep In Mind What Excites You

Whatever gets you excited about writing a book is worth thinking about regularly. If you find your writing has turned into drudgery and you’re just trying to slog through until the end, you’ll have a lot of trouble motivating yourself and may not produce particularly great writing either (though there can be exceptions to that last part). If you hit this point, one approach that can propel you forward is to ask yourself “What would really get me excited about this project right now that I’m not already doing?” Kill an important supporting character, cause a disaster, give the protagonist what they’ve been striving for and see them realize that it isn’t their real goal at all, add a new character who churns things up … this is another case where more excitement for the writer tends to mean more excitement for the reader. All of this has to be kept in balance with your vision for the story, but if you can’t think of anything that keeps you excited about the writing and is consistent with your vision, maybe it’s time to rethink the vision.

The exception I know of in which drudgery can yield good writing is when you know your story much better than your reader, and so what feels like old hat to you is new and fresh for the reader.

If You Stop Feeling Motivated, Retrace Your Steps

Here’s a question that can be handy in projects that seem to have lost their drive: where was my motivation when I last saw it? Sometimes feeling like you’ve lost your enthusiasm means that you took a wrong turn somewhere. Maybe your interest in the story was being kept up by a minor character who according to your outline (if you use outlines) needed to leave the story a little while ago, but the story hasn’t interested you as much since. If so, it might be worth rethinking that decision. Maybe a character did something that violates who you were hoping for them to be, or made a choice to serve the plot instead of doing what they would really want to do if left to their own devices. Maybe you’re writing a section of the book that isn’t really needed.

Regardless, always be ready to take advantage of this great advantage of writing, that you can make a complete mess of something, but then go back and do it better and get full credit as though you had written it perfectly the first time. There’s a post on this subject on my writing blog: Avoiding Your Story

Use Support, Encouragement, and Deadlines

One of the best motivators for a project is to have a real deadline, with a real person is waiting to see your results. This can be accomplished through joining an active writer’s group, blogging about your writing and including planned deadlines, getting one or more writing buddies and reading each others’ work, signing up for a writer’s workshop for which you’ll need something to be completed by a given date, working on a project for a contest or market that has a firm deadline, or getting truly interested friends or family members to read your writing as you go. It’s powerfully motivating to realize that someone is waiting breathlessly for the next chapter of your book.

If you use this last approach, by the way, you may want to ask the person to write down any feedback they have, but only to give that feedback to you right away if it’s absolutely crucial. The rest can be collected at the end so you can consider it for the second draft. Getting constant feedback can cause constantly reworking what you have, which … well, let’s just make that subject a section to itself.

Don’t Spend All Your Time Reworking

Yes, often writing can be improved by editing or rewriting, but only to a certain point. After a while, more work on the same project will begin to suck the life out of it. Make your story as good as you can make it at the moment, then send it out without spelling errors or major problems. You can set it aside and revisit it once you have perspective, or rewrite it after a rejection if you have a major new insight about it, but don’t just keep fiddling with it it’s perfect: nothing ever is, to the best of my knowledge.

Writer’s Block Is Just Fear of Writing Something That Isn’t Good Enough

On my writing blog I have a lengthy post about writer’s block, which I’ll summarize here as it applies to motivation: it’s always possible to write something, even if that something turns out to be meandering gibberish. So writer’s block doesn’t prevent a person from writing: it makes them hesitant because they might write something bad. Since everyone writes something bad sometimes, this isn’t as dire a situation as it may feel like at the time. Screwing up is an appropriate thing to worry about with surgery or disarming bombs, but it usually just gets in the way to fret about it with something like writing. Remember, you can always fix it in the next pass, and sometimes bad writing ends up being an exploratory draft (a great term I first heard from Orson Scott Card) that will reveal exactly what you need to do to write the really great draft you’re going to put together next.

Don’t Get Too Attached

It’s hard sometimes to look at something you’ve put a lot of work into and decide to scrap it, whether it’s plans for a new business venture that isn’t going to work out, a relationship that turns out to be between the wrong two people, or a brilliant passage in a novel that doesn’t belong there. When you’re faced with these problems, take a step back and ask yourself what will really give you the best result in the long run, then keep the thing or remove it based on that choice (and if applicable, whatever responsibilities you may have taken on).

This doesn’t quite add up to “kill your darlings,” as writers are often urged to do, or as Samuel Johnson put it “wherever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.” That’s overstating it. Some things you do that you love will just not fit in the project you’re working on, and it’s important to focus on making that project as good as it can be instead of on justifying all the great things you did along the way. Doing great things is its own justification, and it tends to be instructive as well, whether or not they work out in the end. Fortunately, contrary to Johnson’s point, sometimes great passages are doing exactly what they’re supposed to and ought to be left in.

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There’s more I could say on this subject, but I’ve covered the main recommendations I set out to cover, and future posts will have more. In the meantime, how do these recommendations work for you? And writers, what particular self-motivation issues do you run into in your writing?

Why Tackling Big Tasks Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal

2009-09-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

Some of the tasks that are hardest to get ourselves to do are the big, overwhelming ones like cleaning out a junk room or garage, doing a full-scale edit on a novel, or organizing papers or files. Often we think about these kinds of tasks as requiring one big push, a big chunk of time that we imagine will be available sooner or later.

That kind of approach to a task can work out badly in at least two ways. First, a task that we think of like that may never get done. Second, even if we do accomplish the task, before long we may find things quickly getting back to the same situation we were in originally. When these kinds of problems rear their ugly heads, it’s time to think about breaking the big tasks down, not only into smaller pieces, but into habits.

What I mean about breaking a task down into a habit is looking at what kind of regular behavior can make the problem go away permanently. For example, regardless of whether older papers are filed or not, if new papers keep piling up, there will always be something out of order, and more often than not it will be a big stack (or three, or twelve …). This kind of situation calls for adopting a new habit, possibly even a new rule, about how new paper is handled, regardless of the old stuff. The new habit can be based on an event (for example, every time a new paper comes into the office that isn’t actively in use, it gets recycled or filed) or on a schedule (for instance, all papers get filed every Thursday morning).

Notice that this new habit doesn’t require old problems to be taken care of before it comes into play. It’s easier to be motivated when no old problems are looming, but not letting a problem get worse is still a meaningful and relieving change from ever-renewing chaos.

New habits can even help take care of old problems. For instance, with filing the new habit might be to file each new thing as it comes in along with at least one old paper. In this way, the filing gets done slowly but also fairly painlessly, and it reinforces the value of the new habit. What’s more, doing a little bit of a task that used to seem huge and unmanageable can be very freeing and empowering, often supplying the necessary motivation to get a lot more of it done.

Alternatively, old problems can be handled in small chunks separately from new habits. For instance, you might tackle a junk room or a filing job just 15 minutes at a time whenever you have a free moment.

Regardless, clearing the old problem away can be enormously freeing in terms of the pressure it relieves. Strangely enough, under the right circumstances taking care of something you’ve been avoiding and perhaps even been a little fearful of can be powerfully enjoyable, if you can push past the initial jitters and focus on the progress you’re making and not the problems you may have had in the past.

What To Do When Self-Motivation Comes And Goes

2009-09-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

Here’s an issue Merrie Haskell, a writer, mentions in a comment to an earlier post: “I’ve noticed that I go through periodic surges of willpower. (I guess that’s what I mean.) I will be in a rut for months, and really feel stuck; then wake up one morning, and like a switch has been thrown, go into hyperdrive.”

Merrie’s hyperdrive clearly works for her: she’s sold well over a dozen short stories, including sales to two of the most demanding science fiction and fantasy markets, Asimov’s Science Fiction and Strange Horizons. Clearly doing something well isn’t the same as feeling motivated to do it all the time. So what’s happening?

The short answer is that self-motivation–whether for writing or for any other project–is complex, and there are a number of factors that can influence it. The longer answer names some of those factors, and as we name them, we can begin to see that they influence each other, so that one advantage can turn into a lot of advantages, and one obstacle can turn into a lot of obstacles.

We won’t be able to look at all of the elements of motivation in this one post, or go into any in depth, but we can see some of the more prominent pieces and how they fit together.

Motivating ourselves has some basic requirements. For instance, we usually need to believe what we are trying to do will provide the result we want, to care about the result, and to believe we’re capable of achieving it. In addition to those basic requirements, there are some pieces that can really support and enhance self-motivation, like the support of others, feedback loops, and recognition. Lastly, to consciously pursue a goal, we need to take certain steps, like clarify what the goal is, gather the information we’ll need to make good choices, and figure out where the time will come from to achieve our goal.

If any of these pieces falters, the others can be disrupted, or at least slowed down. For instance, if I’m in the middle of writing a novel and lose faith that anyone will ever be interested in reading it, my enthusiasm is likely to crash. This is a crisis of believing that the goal will achieve its purpose, one of those prerequisites I mentioned.

What makes this worse is that even if I regain that confidence soon after, it has already had a chance to influence other elements. For instance, losing confidence that the novel will be read makes me stop writing, and when I can’t get up the enthusiasm to write, I could lose the belief that I can finish the thing at all. Losing these beliefs can cause me to stop feeling enthusiastic about the goal I picture myself achieving. I stop having writing to show to friends and downplay the importance of the project, which could cause the friends to decide I’m not interested in it any more and withdraw their support for it, which deprives me of the feedback I’d been getting that helped keep the project going. And so on.

So what do we do about these insidious slides? Tackle them one piece at a time. Fortunately, we have an advantage in getting back on track, which is that just as the failure of one element tends to lead to the failure of others, getting one element working encourages the others to work, too. For instance, seeking out someone who’s been enthusiastic about pieces of my novel that they’ve read so far can help rekindle my enthusiasm for the project and my belief that it’s worthwhile, at the same time that it brings in the support of others and provides me with feedback. Clarifying my goal for the book (say, a novel in a given genre of a given length, finished by a given date) and making a plan to meet that goal can get me writing regardless of whether I feel enthusiastic or not, which moves me closer to the goal, which tends to make me more enthusiastic.

This process may sound familiar: it has a lot in common with mood congruity, which I discuss in another post. In either case, the solution is the same: if you break out of the pattern you’re in to do one positive thing, you’ll be going in the right direction.

Takeaways:

■ Strong self-motivation means a number of elements are working together to move the project forward.

■ Problems with one element of self-motivation can cause problems with other elements.

■ If you find yourself losing momentum on a project, find one motivating thing you can concentrate on and focus on doing that, regardless of whether you feel enthusiastic about it at the moment or not.

How Making Rules Can Improve Willpower

2009-09-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

A recent article on the Psychology Today site by psychologist Kelly McGonigal, ”The Self-Control Costs of Moral Flexibility,” talks about research that seems to show that it’s easier to make good choices when we make a rule of them. For instance, it’s easier to choose to do the dishes after dinner if you’ve made a pact with yourself to always do the dishes after dinner.

In the article, McGonigal says “What’s the best strategy, then, for making moral decisions or sticking to a behavior change? Take a principled stance that sets automatic restrictions on your behavior. Weighing the risks and benefits in each situation may seem like the more logical approach, but it’s more effective for most people to commit broadly and then not reflect on each opportunity.”

So creating rules to follow can be powerful, but there are pitfalls: using rules too much or without thinking it through carefully can cause them to fail or even backfire.

First, keep in mind that we have a limited amount of focus, attention, and effort to spare, and that learning to follow rules (even if they’re terrific rules that we’re coming up with on our own) requires all of these resources. If we try to add on a bunch of rules at once–or even two at once–we may be dooming ourselves to failure. As with new goals, it’s often most effective to get used to new rules one at a time.

Second, watch out for unintended consequences. If you make a rule to eat only at specific times throughout the day, are you piling on extra food at the end of each of those meal or snacktimes because of a fear of going hungry? If you decide to study every weeknight at 7:00, does that mean you’ll pass up a golden opportunity to study at another time because you “don’t have to?” Of course, one way to deal with these problems is to try the rules out, then evaluate how they’re working once or twice a week to see if you might be “gaming” them. Don’t try to reevaluate the rule when it’s time to follow it: by doing that you’d be second-guessing yourself at every step and giving up the whole “no struggle” advantage of rules.

Finally, only make rules for things you want to be doing pretty much all the time. Don’t make a rule that you will sit down for ten minutes at the beginning of every workday to review what you accomplished the day before if you know that at least a couple of times a week, there will be more urgent, important things to attend to as soon as you walk in the door. But this kind of rule problem, too, can be fixed with a little bit of reflection once or twice a week to see how you’re doing.

The idea of making rules about your own behavior may be offputting; if so, it may be more productive to think about taking, as McGonigal puts it, a “principled stance.” Regardless, use this technique to make use of your good thinking now to make good choices in advance and free yourself from some unnecessary indecision.

Broken Ideas And Idea Repair

2009-09-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

As a rule, our culture tends to think of emotions as things that well up inside us in a way that’s more or less completely outside our control. We can avoid emotional situations, this point of view goes, or we can suppress them, but they are what we are, and thinking doesn’t enter into it.

I’d like to demonstrate some very useful ways this is completely wrong. I’ll do it using, of course, a mime.

Let’s say our mime–for convenience, we can call him Raoul–is on his way to the park to do a little street performance on a sunny May afternoon. For his performance today, Raoul has purchased three dozen imaginary eggs, which he plans to juggle, balance on his nose, perform magic tricks with, etc. He is carrying the imaginary eggs in mime fashion when he slips on an imaginary banana peel on the sidewalk and crashes to the concrete, right on top of his eggs. Now Raoul is a mess, covered with imaginary egg. All of his eggs are ruined, so there go his performance plans for the day, and to top it off, the people in his otherwise fair city are so rude and thoughtless that they leave imaginary banana peels lying all over the place. Oh, and to make it worse, since it was an imaginary banana peel, clearly it was another mime who did it!

We would expect Raoul to get upset in one way or another. He could sit there, covered with smashed eggs, weeping, or he could fling the gooey, imaginary cartons around in fury, shouting silent curse words. And we probably wouldn’t blame him for this, because through someone else’s carelessness, he’s a mess and his day is ruined.

Now, it’s true that immediately when this happens, Raoul’s brain will start making associations, and brain chemicals will start influencing his behavior–notably adrenaline in response to the unexpected fall and the problems that it has suddenly caused. That helps set the stage, but at the same time Raoul’s brain is likely to be generating what are called “automatic thoughts”: emotionally laden and potentially misleading judgments about what has happened. They might include things like:

“I’m screwed! I needed those eggs for this performance, and if I don’t perform I won’t have enough money to pay the rent tomorrow, and then I’ll probably get kicked out of my apartment!”

“What kind of sick #$!(@ leaves imaginary banana peels lying around all over the sidewalk?”

“This is a disaster!”

These kinds of automatic thoughts are also called “cognitive distortions,” because they are a kind of thinking that encourages belief in things that aren’t true. I’ll use a different term for them, though: “broken ideas.” A broken idea is anything you think up that misleads you. But what’s misleading about the above? Isn’t Raoul just silently telling it like it is?

In all honesty, he isn’t. Raoul’s broken ideas are broken only subtly, but they’ll lead him down a path he doesn’t want to take. For instance, his predictions about being evicted are very likely wrong, even if he isn’t able to come up with every penny of the rent money on time, and the fact that he’s trying to predict the future rather than just evaluate his options is a major red flag. We can’t predict the future in most cases, so basing our actions on assumptions about what will happen tends to lead to badly-chosen actions. Anyway, even in the worst case scenario he can always show how he’s trapped in a box and unable to leave the apartment. This is one of the powers mimes have.

He’s also telling himself he needs the eggs for the performance, when in fact he probably just wants the eggs for the performance, and can either buy more eggs or do a different routine.

And he’s also labeling the banana peel leaver as a (please pardon me for repeating this bad language) “sick #$!(@,” which dehumanizes the person and could lead some real interpersonal problems (like being hit over the head repeatedly with an imaginary stick) if Raoul decides the perpetrator must have been a particular someone he knows and acts toward that person as though they were purposely going around and leaving imaginary banana peels for people to slip on.

So what’s wrong with these ideas is that they’re inaccurate, and more to the point, they tend to lead Raoul in the direction of making bad choices, like going to drown his sorrows in imaginary beer, or marching off to throttle a colleague who is a known banana afficianado. What would make Raoul happiest at the moment would be to somehow find a way to free himself of his anxiety and frustration at the incident, get him to think through what he’ll need to do to go ahead with his performance, and as soon as possible to get him to the park to charm half the passersby and infuriate the other half with his mimetic ways. This way his day could very rapidly get back on track, and no other trouble would need to come of the banana peel fiasco.

How does Raoul do this? We’ll tackle this in much better detail in other posts, but the basic steps are:

1. Relax, step back from the situation, and breathe
2. Use idea repair
3. Get on with your life

Idea repair, which takes some practice to learn but can be wonderfully effective once you have the basics down, is the process of reworking broken ideas to reflect the truth of the situation. For instance, “What kind of sick #$!(@ leaves imaginary banana peels lying around all over the sidewalk?” could be repaired to something like “As much as I wish they didn’t, sometimes people will leave imaginary banana peels on the sidewalk, so I’ll be better off if I’m on the lookout for them.”

Similarly, “This is a disaster!” could be repaired to “This is inconvenient and embarrassing, but if I take the right steps, I can get my day back on track.”

You might be amazed how much stress and distraction idea repair can sometimes clear away. I certainly have been ever since I first learned about the technique a decade or so ago.

Of course there’s much more that could be said on the subject, but that brief summation will have to do for now. I’ll leave you with this final comment from Raoul:

“”

Huh. Well, that’s what I get for trying to quote a mime.

Antidotes To Bad Moods And Negative Emotions

2009-09-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

I’ve talked recently about how emotions can amplify themselves, an effect called “mood congruity.” This phenomenon is like an overzealous lunchlady, who sees a spoonful of mushy peas on your plate and keeps serving you more and more on the assumption that you must obviously love peas. In that post, I talked about the way purposely bringing up thoughts and memories associated with a better mood can help stop the lunchlady, effectively moving us forward in the lunchline to the mashed potatoes or Jell-O.

Buddhist thought offers a more refined version of this idea, the equivalent of trading in our mushy peas for whatever is least like mushy peas on the entire menu. In a book called Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama, this approach is called “emotional antidotes,” and it’s backed up by good science.

The idea behind emotional antidotes is that for each negative emotion, there is an opposite emotion that can be used to dissolve or extinguish the negative one. For instance, have you ever tried administering puppies to someone who’s in a bad mood (assuming they don’t hate puppies, in which case they may be a lost cause)? Science shows us that puppies are inimical to sour moods. This does not mean that the opposite of depression is puppies, although if you have to take away the wrong idea from this post, that’s at least a wrong idea that has some utility.

What specific emotions are antidotes to others? (I’ll depart in some details from the Buddhist model here, partly since emotions as seen through the lens of classical Buddhist thought are not quite the same ones we tend to think of in the West.)

As a prime example, love extinguishes anger–and don’t think I’m getting all touchy-feely on you here. Love is a specific emotion that I’d bet good money you can identify, and most of us can find something that, if we think about it a little, will give rise to feelings of love in us. (As an example, it’s very easy for me to conjure up feelings of love by remembering things about my son.) Anger is not compatible with love: we have only one brain, and that brain will be awash with a specific set of brain chemicals at a any given time. The chemicals that support anger (like adrenaline) are not the same as the chemicals that support love (like oxytocin). Summoning up feelings of love changes our brain chemistry and also harnesses mood congruity to increase those feelings of love, as thinking about one memory that inspires love tends to remind us of other memories that inspire love. Feeling angry and want to change it? Remind yourself of what you love.

Similarly, taking pleasure in things we admire about other people can help defeat jealousy; thinking about things that that excite us can help defeat depression; thinking of things that make us confident or at peace can help defeat anxiety; and so on.

There’s also a panacea of a sort, an antidote to all negative emotions, which is to recognize their emptiness. This is very much like the basic idea behind idea repair: negative emotions very often (though not always!) are based on ideas that are misleading or false, or that assume too much, such as “There’s no way I can learn all this” or “Everybody in the room must think I’m an idiot.” Since we can’t read minds, and since even if we could other people’s thoughts about us do not define us, any anxiety or distress or overindulgence in Doritos that may arise from believing everyone else in the room thinks one is a idiot is acting on an empty, fake, false idea. When we really examine what we’re telling ourselves about what happens to us, often negative feelings evaporate as we examine them in greater depth.

Either way, whether we use specific emotions as antidotes or poke the balloons of our negative emotions until they pop, greater self-understanding or positive feelings can be consciously used as a tool to break up bad moods and negative emotions. And if this doesn’t work, there are always puppies.

How To Improve Willpower Through Writing Things Down: Decision Logging

2009-09-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

In my post How to Strengthen Willpower Through Practice back in May, I mentioned how useful I’d been finding a practice I call “decision logging” in terms of building willpower, and I promised to give proper attention to the subject in the future. Here, after some delay, is that post.

Decision logging (”d-logging”) is a practice we can use to become more aware of what decisions come up for us during a normal day, how we are making those decisions, and what in our lives is influencing those decisions. The payoff of d-logging is that we become much more aware of what’s going on in our own bodies, minds, and environments–more mindful. Mindfulness is a powerful and central factor in improving willpower, because willpower means being able to make good decisions, and making good decisions requires understanding what’s going into them.

D-logging takes effort, but is very simple to do. All that’s required is to commit for a day at a time (preferably multiple days in a row for a total of at least a couple of weeks in total) to jotting down brief notes whenever

1. You notice you have a meaningful decision to make
2. You notice going on with yourself that may influence your decisions
3. You have any insights into your own behavior or thinking
By “meaningful decision,” I mean a decision that deals with an area in which you’re trying to improve your willpower or motivation. It’s not important to d-log about how you pick what to wear for the day or which radio station to listen to unless those are concerns of great importance to you.

The kinds of things that go into a d-log include:

■ Moods
■ Physical sensations, like hunger, fatigue, or comfort
■ Ideas or judgements about what’s going on, like “Everything seems to be going wrong this morning” or “I wish I could remember to be a little more relaxed about driving”
■ When and how meaningful decisions are coming up
■ Anything else that might influence how you make those meaningful decisions
Writing these things down brings them to the forefront of your attention and causes you to see them clearly for at least a moment or two, and seeing them clearly makes it much easier to deal with them. For example, if you’re frustrated about problems you’re having with your car and later in the day find yourself treating coworkers badly, you may find through d-logging that it’s the car that’s really driving your decisions about how to deal with people. Once you recognize this, you may come to the conclusion that taking that frustration out on the people you work with isn’t what you want to do, and you can focus on dealing with your feelings about your car in a more constructive way.

You can d-log on a computer, on paper, or by any other means that suits you (I often use an Alphasmart), but actually writing things down is essential–it’s not enough for this practice to just kind of mentally note them. It’s also essential to be completely honest with yourself and not to leave things out because you feel preoccupied, anxious, embarrassed, or frustrated about them: those are often exactly the kinds of things that are most helpful to recognize.

Of course privacy can be a concern. If you need to, you can toss out what you’ve noted very soon after it’s written down–even immediately. It is very helpful to be able to look back over your decision logs and learn from them, but if your concerns about privacy would prevent you from doing it otherwise, it is true that just writing things down does that most important job of focusing your attention.

Plan to keep your log on days when making notes repeatedly throughout the day will be doable for you.

To d-log, start each day with a fresh file or piece of paper and put the date at the top. Jot down the time whenever you write something down after not having any entries for a while. This helps put things in a time framework, so that you can look back and notice how something you felt at 10:00 in the morning did or didn’t influence something you did at 2:00 in the afternoon.

No one else has to see your d-logs, although if you have someone you feel you can tell anything to and want their help, it could be enlightening to share. You might want to explain what you’re doing to various other people if you’ll be needing to do it around them a lot, but in some cases such an explanation may result in someone asking to see what you’re writing, and since your d-log is meant to be completely candid, this could be a problem.

Over even a relatively short time–days, or weeks–d-logging can help build practices of mindfulness and of thinking through decisions that we’re used to making automatically, acting on habits we may or may not like. The importance of understanding our own thoughts and feelings and how they bear on their decisions is hard to overstate.

If d-logging is highly impractical for you, fortunately there are other routes–though they may be longer or more difficult–to developing mindfulness, especially doing mindfulness meditation.

D-logging will take a certain amount of attention and commitment, but it’s not hard. One beautiful thing about d-logging that’s not true of many approaches to developing willpower is that you can use it to improve willpower in any number of areas at once. Normally if you want to work on self-motivation, it’s important to focus on one specific area, since lack of focus tends to make motivation fall apart. D-logging is different because you’re not concentrating on promoting a particular goal, but only on understanding yourself and your thinking better. Yet this kind of thinking tends to have immediate, noticeable results on achieving goals.

Don’t be too concerned if you start d-logging on a particular day and don’t do a good job of following through. Any of this practice you do, even if it’s not for a full day, helps, and it’s always possible to try and do better the next day.

While d-logging is particularly powerful in terms of developing willpower, there are also other kinds of logging and writing that can bolster motivation, and I’ll cover some of these in future posts.

How To Handle Multiple Priorities

2009-09-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

A friend posed this question:

“What do you do when you have two conflicting things to get done? For example, for me it’s writing vs. studying. Both take the same amount of focus, time and activity level. One is more pleasurable, and one is more necessary. "

“So when I have a block of time in which I could EITHER write or study……….I end up surfing the web for hours. In that web-surfing loop where you don’t really look at anything, just go to the same sites over and over to see if they’ve been updated since three minutes ago. To be honest, it makes me feel like that story in I, Robot: Runaround. I experience this practically every time I schedule writing-and-studying time for myself.”

It’s a good question, and one I definitely identify with in my own experience. When I have more than one important thing to do, all of the important tasks are weighing on me at once. If I undertake one of them without making special effort to handle this problem, the fact that I’m not doing the others will distract and upset me. For me, this gets worse when there are more things to do, because then it’s hard to even identify all of the things that need doing, and the other priorities will plague me without my even being fully aware of what they are.

One of the reasons we often turn to something completely self-indulgent in these cases is that we hope it will take our mind off all of our other concerns. For example, what if I have the option of writing or studying or watching a good movie? If I do the writing, the fact that I have studying to do might continue to bother me. If I do the studying, the ignored writing might be the pain in my neck. But if I watch the movie and like it, I might be so swept up in the story that I don’t think about either writing or studying–so that the only solution that gives me any relief is the only one that in the long term doesn’t help me at all.

Fortunately, there is a solution to this. Actually, there might be a bunch of solutions to this, but there’s one solution that I know (and that I’ve recently been using more and more). It has three parts: listing, prioritizing, and resigning.

Listing: If you have a lot of things to do, it helps to list them out. If a lot of things are bothering or distracting you, list them all–but if there are only a couple or a few major issues to tackle, don’t bother with all of the lower-priority ones, and instead just list that couple or those few.

In this way the part of your brain that has been devoted to keeping track of them all can rest, because you now have them all on paper and aren’t in danger of forgetting. Listing also allows you to start

Prioritizing: Looking at your list, you decide what one or two or ten things are really the most important for you to tackle right away. Some might call for a quick action but not be of desperate importance (for instance, calling your friend back and confirming that you’ll be at a party tomorrow), but most of your top items should be chosen for importance, whether or not they would need to be done immediately. Try to avoid prioritizing things that are in your face but that don’t matter much in the scheme of things. For instance, you might have noticed for the hundredth time today that you have a little trouble finding any CD in your CD collection, and it may occur to you to organize your CDs. This idea could be very much on your mind, yet not really at all important in the scheme of things. This shouldn’t “float to the top” unless you really have nothing more important to do (in which case your life must be far, far more peaceful than mine!)

Keep in mind that it’s not remotely necessary to prioritize all your tasks: just figure out which are the top ones, and then of those, make sure at least the top few are in priority order. If two things are exactly as important, choose whichever one you’re more enthusiastic about. If a task is very large, try to break it up into sub-tasks and then prioritize those. For instance, if you have three years worth of personal papers to file, break the list item “File all those papers” down and start with a task “Spend 15 minutes starting in on filing.” You can take the rest and make it a task, “Continue with filing,” which can spawn other tasks in future.

I know I’m getting into organizational techniques instead of obvious motivation techniques here, but among the elements of motivation are knowledge of what you need to motivate yourself to do and goal-setting. The listing step covers the knowledge, and this step covers goal-setting. When you’re done with prioritization, you should have a sub-list of Important Things and single thing at the top of that list. This now allows you to begin

Resigning yourself to the idea that you can only under normal circumstances do one thing at a time. (Note: a later post of mine goes into more detail about resigning ourselves to making good choices.) If you decide to study, for instance, your brain may pipe up “But … I have to do some writing!” This is a broken idea, a lie that you’re telling yourself. In fact, you don’t have to do some writing right then. Writing will come later, and as good as it might be to get some done now, you can’t write at the same time as you’re studying, and for the moment you’ve chosen to study. If you’ve broken up your large studying task into chunks, then perhaps what you have decided to do is study one particular chapter, or study for one hour. And you know that when that hour or chapter is over, if you are still on discretionary time, you’ll be able to switch over to writing then. Get at peace with the idea that nothing is going to get done right away except your top priority. When you catch yourself manufacturing broken ideas, repair them one by one until you feel calm and ready to begin. It’s not an easy thing, but once done, the need to do anything other than what you’ve chosen to do goes away, and you can get to work without distraction.

Some Steps for Getting into a State of Flow

2009-09-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

by: Luc Reid

In a recent comment to my post Flow: What It Feels Like to Be Perfectly Motivated, Kaizan said, “I think the concept of flow as Csikszentmihalyi describes it is fantastic, but I didn’t really follow him as to how I was meant to apply it to my life.” It’s a good point: psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has researched and depicted flow beautifully, but actually finding flow takes some work. Here, based on what I know about flow so far and on my own flow experiences, is a starter “how to” list for getting into flow.

First, not every activity should be done in flow. Flow requires being able to concentrate on one particular task or related group of tasks for a substantial period of time without having to switch gears. This can happen alone or with other people, but if anyone or anything is going to need to pull your attention away from the task–ringing phones, kids needing help with homework, pets needing to be let out–it will tend to disrupt flow. That doesn’t mean a person can’t have a phone, kids, or pets, just that whenever there are potential distractions, getting into flow means making sure as well as you can that distractions are taken care of: the kids have someone else to go to, the dog has already been out, and there are no telephone calls you’ll need to take, for instance.

Flow also requires that you know what you’re doing. It’s a balance between control and challenge: if you’re just barely getting a grip on a new skill, you won’t have the control you need. That doesn’t mean you can’t get into a flow state when learning or practicing, but the ways I know of to do that are either 1) mastering the basics first, or 2) getting into flow about learning, not about the activity itself. For instance, if you’re just starting out with guitar, you could conceivably get into flow in terms of learning chord patterns if you have good learning skills, but you wouldn’t be able to immediately get into flow with actually playing the guitar.

Experiencing flow also means needing to carefully set clear goals that provide a challenge. Even thoroughly washing dishes before a deadline, believe it or not, works as one of these kinds of goals: washing dishes well but quickly is a challenge, and the ticking clock makes your goal clear and also provides another essential element:

Feedback. You need to be able to know how you’re doing as you proceed. This may be as simple as dishes washed, whether or not you’re playing the music as written, or seeing the wall you’re framing fit perfectly into the space allotted for it. This feedback needs to be immediate, something you’re getting in real time. Any activity that can’t provide that in-the-moment feeling of “Wow, this is going great!” probably can’t be done in flow.

That’s it. Surprisingly, the task being doesn’t have to be something you would usually consider fun. You don’t have to be a world-class expert at it, and you don’t necessarily need complete peace and quiet. Flow can be achieved filing papers, making a sales presentation, playing “Fur Elise” on the piano, sketching, vacuuming, teaching, brainstorming, organizing … or anything else that meets the following simple requirements: you are able to focus on it; you have a clear goal; it’s challenging yet within your abilities; you’ve already learned the basics; and you can see how you’re doing as you go.

So not everything can be done in flow–but then, not everything should be: sometimes being more responsive, relaxed, mindful, open, or social is called for instead. But as an element of a healthy lifestyle, flow provides an unmatched opportunity to operate at the our highest level while enjoying every minute.

In future posts, I’ll be following up with some descriptions of my own flow experiences, some information about applying flow to different kinds of activities, and possibly an interview or two about other people’s flow experiences.

Have Fun Learning Creativity

2009-09-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

by: Malkeet Singh

You have some great ideas. You toss them around in your mind. You tell friends about them. They go nowhere. Why? They go nowhere because of what your friends said or because you have the misconception that only a select few are able to unleash a steady flow of creative genius. And, you, of course, couldn't be one of that select group. That is not true at all.

Anyone who has creative genius will tell you that creativity is very much like a muscle that needs to be developed in order to perform at top efficiency. If you don't learn how to develop creative thinking, this skill, like a muscle will become withered and useless to you when you most need it. On the other hand, keep working at it and this skill will soon be ready for action whenever you need it.

So how do you develop your own personal style of creative thinking?

Well, the first thing is to realize your brain has a greater capacity and speed than the world's biggest and fastest super computer. That's right! Even the world's biggest and fastest super computer cannot store as much information or handle it faster than your brain. You are not limited like a super computer because your brain is not limited and that's where creativity comes from - your brain. It doesn't come from thin air, it comes from within you and you already have the tools needed to exercise it.

So, the first thing is to begin absorbing as much information as you can every day. Grab as much knowledge and learning as you can find. Read, watch, and listen to everything available -- good and bad. Don't judge anything at this point of development because it's not the content that is important, only the process of absorption. Keep your mind open to the infinite possibilities that each piece of information presents. The more you know, the more you'll want to know, and the more your brain will be exercised. Prepare to be amazed at little facts that add a bit of color to your conversations with people. They will begin to see you in a new light.

Next, focus on a creative activity every day. This is as simple as doodling. Doodling is a creative activity. Don't let anything hinder you. Just doodle away, mindlessly. You will unleash a little bit of creative thinking and it will be encouraging to see something you created. In addition to doodling, practice drawing something specific for a couple of minutes each day. You might unleash the artist in you.

Or, grab a camera and start snapping photos of anything and everything. Don't try to be "artsy,” just snap away! You might find you have a knack for photography.

Keep a journal and make a point to write in it at the end of each day. Describe your experiences using words that capture your five senses. What did it smell like, taste like, feel like - you get the idea? You may discover a writer lurking in your brain.

In a short time you'll have built yourself a tiny portfolio or doodles, art, photographs and writings and you'll be amazed at the growth of your creativity. You might actually enjoy those exercises so much that they will become a part of you and you'll be addicted to them.

You've heard it said - Think out of the box. Well, not just yet. Be aware of constraints or blocks to your creative process. Constraints are actually a good thing. It's your brain telling you it needs more knowledge about that which you are struggling. Constraints are the brain's mechanisms to force discipline upon you. Discipline forces you to be more resourceful. Creative freedom is great, but limitations are too. There must be balance.

Oscar winner, Anthony Hopkins, would just get in his car and drive across country alone with no destination in particular. It helped him experience different people in different parts of the country, away from the unreality of Hollywood. These little trips helped him to become a better actor.

Try something new every day and let your experiences broaden your view of the world and people around you. Explore a new neighborhood in your town. Spend an afternoon in a museum to which you've never been before. Chat up someone in the checkout line at the store. You need to open up to the people around you. You need to step out of your comfort zone more and more each day. This will heighten your sense of adventure and your zest for life.

Think about it. When was the last time you did something out of your comfort zone? When you stay in your comfort zone, you miss out on a whole lot of experiences that could add to your growth - emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually.

I would love to try bungee jumping and skydiving but I'm a coward when it comes to risking life and limb. If you have the courage, go for it! At the very least, you will have plenty of exciting stories to share, enabling you to develop your storytelling skills, making you the life of any gathering. People will love to hear you tell about doing the things they only dream of doing.

This next thing will seem nutty. It is. You need to embrace insanity. I'm not talking about the kind that will land you in a rubber room. As John Russell once said, "Sanity calms, but madness (insanity) is more interesting."

History shows that nearly every creative thinker was once deemed insane by "normal" people. Lucky for us, the critics couldn't stop the creative geniuses from changing the world. Being "normal" confines’ people to think - normally, that is, to think within limits society has deemed to be normal. Creativity is essentially ignoring those limits, within the Law, of course. Your creativity may seem bizarre and downright strange to the "normals.” Ignore them and seek out others who also ignore the "normals" of this world. They will know how to help you to cultivate your new sense of creativity.

Now, a word of caution as you step out in your search for creativity. Don't strive to develop a creative "personality." There is a difference between a creative personality and creative thinking. Examples of wacky creative personalities would be George Washington, who often rode into battle naked, or James Joyce, who wrote "Dubliners" with beetle juice because he had an intense fear of ink, or Albert Einstein, who thought his cat was a spy sent by his rival. They were all great men, for sure, but a little wacky at times because they lost touch with reality.

It's important that your creativity doesn't blind you to the real world. Keep your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds! (Look familiar?)

Starting today, begin thinking beyond your "limits." Follow these steps and you'll soon be living a life full of interesting and exciting adventures. Your new level creative thinking will bring about a new zest for living life.

Who knows, your idea might be the next great idea to change the world.

Everything You Want to Know About Asking for Help but Were Afraid to Ask

2009-09-02T03:26:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Rowinsky

What do these women have in common?

• A young mother overwhelmed with caring for both a newborn and a two year old

• A college student who realizes she is not as passionate about her major as she thought

• A manager who feels she is not connecting with those who report to her

• A daughter trying to help her aging parents who live in another state

• A new widow whose husband handled the finances in the family

As you may have guessed, they all could use some kind of assistance. Yet, how many of these women will ask for it? Help can come in many forms. The young mom could ask a friend to watch the kids for a few hours so that she could take a nap. The college student could seek the advice of a favorite professor. The manager could ask a colleague that she respects, to be her mentor. The daughter could attend a local family-caregiver support group for ideas on how to care for her parents’ needs at a distance. The newly widowed woman could ask a trusted friend to advise her on the basics of family finance and act as a sounding board for any decisions that need to be made.

Why is it so hard to ask for what we need? I have learned over the years that there are times when even the most capable among us must ask for help. At times when I needed help but didn’t ask, I wondered whether it was because I'm a woman, a first-born, or just didn't want to impose that I found it extremely difficult to turn to others for even the simplest of aid. When I examined my reluctance to request help from others, such as my friends and relatives, I came up with some heartfelt but often ridiculous reasons:

• I didn't want to appear weak, disorganized, or incapable.

• Everyone has his or her own challenges and is too busy to deal with mine.

• Asking for help would make me feel dependent.

• I didn't want to be a bother.

• It would be easier just to do things myself.

What about you? Do you find it easy or hard to turn to people who care about you and ask for their assistance when you need it? Asking for help is a skill. Many of us don't possess it. For most of us it is one we could improve upon. It would make our life so much better if we didn't hesitate to ask for help when we needed it.

Recently when a friend and I were talking about people's reluctance to ask for help, it occurred to me that we are actually doing those who care about us a favor by coming to them for assistance. You give a gift when you ask for help. The people you ask feel important, useful, and, in many cases, honored that you approached them.

Think about the last time someone asked you for help. Did you find yourself making a judgment about him or her? Probably not. Didn't your mind start clicking to what you could do? If you couldn't help, you may have even felt guilty that you didn't do your part to help your friend. How many times, when you discovered that a family member had a hardship or challenge, have you said, "Why didn’t you ask for my help?"

There may be some things that you would rather pay a stranger to do than ask friends to do. Nevertheless many other favors will give meaning to the words family and friend. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, need advice, or a shoulder to lean on, rather than hesitate, push yourself to ask for what you need. You will not only be helping yourself but also giving the person you asked a chance to feel better too!

Straight From The Horse's Mouth

2009-09-02T03:25:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Schachter

Who knew how much a horse could teach a person? As a long-time dog owner and animal lover, I was always aware of the powerful healing potential animals can have. I always knew instinctively - and now I know it to be true based on my knowledge of the brain - that mammals have an ability to feel, connect with and care for others.

What I didn't realize was how much a horse could teach me about myself - and in such a short time!

After spending half a day today at Riding Far Farm with my friend and colleague, Paul Haefner and his partner, Elizabeth Siegert, I am awed by the incredible capacity a horse has to reflect back to me my own "stuff" - fears, limiting beliefs, ways of relating to others, and strengths. Horses are incredibly intuitive and therefore provide a non-judgmental mirror; and in that mirror, I was able to see patterns (some effective and some not so effective) that I use in my life.

In the first "exercise" (all of the exercises are done on the ground; no riding involved), we were instructed to introduce ourselves to each of the three horses in the ring. The first one was easy - I stretched my hand forward, used my high-pitched "it's okay sweetie" voice and let the horse come to me. We bonded. The second horse was pretty much the same thing. (Paul wondered if this is how I usually get people to respond to me - sweetly rather than more assertively...hmmm, good question).

But the third - ah, not so easy. I saw that big horse with one missing eye who showed no interest whatsoever in me, who kept eating his grass when I used my tried-and-true techniques, and I was stuck. I felt the fear ("he's dangerous") rise up in me and after a minute or two of "trying," I backed off.

In the second exercise, we were asked to work as a team to put a harness around one of the horses. As the "leader" of my team, I, curiously, chose the "dangerous" horse. And each time we approached, he walked away, over to another patch of grass to continue his lunch. Again and again and again. I wanted to give up. (Same thing as earlier - who wants to be rejected over and over??!). I was "sure" that this horse would NEVER allow us to harness him. And, I feared, if we kept trying, he would certainly attack us.

Luckily, I recognized this fear as irrational. I recognized a pattern in myself of wanting to "give up" when the going gets too tough; when I am faced with something I decide is "too scary"; or when I'm afraid I'll fail (or be rejected somehow). Having that awareness allowed me to say to my team, "let's approach him with confidence. No more beating around the bush; no more giving him the message that we're ambivalent and unsure of ourselves. Let's let him know we mean business here!"

And guess what? On that turn, the horse responded. He let us put the harness on him and he even stood there for a while with us once it was on.

A huge lesson for me: My reaction to this horse represented some of my own reactions in life. When faced with opportunities or goals, it's so important that I get clear about what I want and act with intention and purpose. When my thoughts and actions are in alignment, I am much more likely to achieve my goals and move toward my dreams.

So often, many of us go about life not acting in "alignment." We may say we "really" want something (to lose weight, have a more fulfilling career, or spend more quality time with our kids), yet we don't act with intention and with purpose. We don't commit to it and we don't go for it full-on. We go for it in a wishy-washy, maybe 'this-will-happen-if-I'm-lucky sort of way. Our actions don't reflect what we say we want. Our minds - with our fears, our ambivalence or our mental blocks - "trick" us into thinking that we can't do it, or stop us from going for it for some reason.

I'm so grateful to this beautiful, one-eyed horse for teaching me - not just in my cognitive awareness but with a "body" experience - such an important lesson that will continue to instruct me as I move forward toward my hopes and dreams.

Copyright (c) 2009 Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds

Getting Unstuck (and Moving Toward Your Dreams)

2009-08-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Schachter

If you've been sitting on some dreams of your own lately, or have been feeling stuck in some area of your own life, here are a few simple steps (simple, but not always so easy) that I'm using to stay focused on the goals and dreams in my own life that I recently shared with you. You can use these very same techniques - it's not rocket science, but it does take a bit of determination and a firm decision to go for it, despite the bumps in the road that ALWAYS come up.

1) Stay tuned in to your desire and your dream, no matter what. Even in the face of fear, or naysayers, or external pressures. So often, we experience a wish or a desire or a dream and then we shut ourselves off from it. We tell ourselves, "I can't do that" or "who am I to want that" or "I'm too busy" or whatever. So our lives stay in status quo and our dreams get put on the back burner (again).

Not fun. Trust me. I've been there. Whenever I hit a bump or a negative thought (from either myself or someone else), I keep envisioning what I want: I see me with my book, speaking to audiences of moms and girls, being a guide and a mentor to women who want MORE for themselves and their daughters. I imagine what that will feel like and I let the excitement wash over me.

Your desires and your dreams are in your heart for GOOD REASON. They are a part of you aching to be expressed (you wouldn't have them if you weren't supposed to be bringing them to life). What do you see, and how does that FEEL?

2) Get support from someone - or a group of people - who has your best interest in mind and who is striving to grow as well. Find a buddy or a coach or a mentor or a mastermind group who can help you hold your vision of what you want, who believes in you, and who can help you take action despite fear.

I know this can be easier said than done. Many of us are surrounded by others who are also stuck in fear and may not know how to really support us. I can tell you that for me, I notice who I admire. Who is living their life in a way that is similar to how I want to be living mine (not doing the exact same thing necessarily, but modeling the type of courage and audacity and authenticity that I aspire to?). Those are the people I consult with and share my visions with. That's how I chose my coach (and mastermind group) this past year - I found someone who was kind and compassionate, but also took a "no excuses" approach to living her dream.

3) Keep moving - baby steps sometimes, big bold steps other times - in the direction of your dreams and desires. We all feel fear - believe me, I've been feeling a lot of it lately - especially when we're about to do something new or important or meaningful. Fear is a FEELING (not an action). Sometimes it's there to protect you from real danger (like going up and petting a lion and getting eaten), but other times it's your unconscious mind's way of protecting you from imagined, or not-so-terrible-after-all, danger (rejection, failure, disappointment - small potatoes compared to being eaten by a lion).

So how do you take action, despite fear? When the inspiration strikes - act! When you get a good idea, when you're in the groove, when you just know something feels right - that's the time to take action!

I've found that the clearer I get about my goals, and the more action I take toward them (even tiny baby steps), the more things SHOW UP in my life to support what I want (it's like a bit of serendipity!). For example, the other day, as I was thinking about my upcoming "Be The Change" coaching program for moms and thinking about where I could hold the retreats, I began to visualize what I wanted (all this while blowing dry my hair on the way out to a party). At the party later that evening, I met someone who just happened to know of the perfect retreat house that was so similar to what I had been picturing. CRAZY.

You will notice that as you clarify and move toward your goals, a bit of magic will begin to happen.

4) Get out of your own way. Seriously, you are the only one in your way, so clear the clutter - the time clutter, the paper clutter, the mind clutter, the house clutter, the body clutter - ALL THE STUFF (both real and created) that continues to clutter you up so there's no room for you to have what you really want. Create the space and your dreams will have a place to land.

I invite you to join me in turning toward your dreams - go ahead and bring them right down into your heart and into your mind right now - and put one foot in front of the other along your path. I'm right here next to you if you need a hand.

Copyright (c) 2009 Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds

What Normal People Want

2009-08-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

by: Willie Horton

I know that people are constantly striving to get more out of life. I know that many people wish for, hope for, want for more success, more happiness, more wealth. But wishing, hoping and wanting something is simply a useless mental activity - a waste of energy - because the only thing that will get you what you want is beyond wishing, hoping and wanting - it's believing. More of that later! For now, if you really look around and observe the behaviour of so-called normal people, you will discover what normal people really want - they want you to be normal too.

There is nothing more threatening to the normal state of mind than someone who's different - in particular, someone who is abnormally happy and successful. It's not so much that normal people are jealous of abnormal success - they actually want to take the abnormally successful person down.

One of the biggest issues that my clients have to face following my two-day personal development workshop is that, even though they have learned to become abnormal, even though they have learned (from a vast array of research stretching back over seventy years) that so-called normal people are actually totally and completely mad, when they venture back out into the ordinary, everyday so-called real world, almost everyone the encounter will be normal - will be insane.

A brief aside - because stating that normal people are insane requires an explanation! Here are some quick facts. About 96% of us are normal - we behave according to and conform to a variety of behavioural and social norms. Normal people control about 1% of their mind - in other words, they are only capable of paying 1% attention to what is going on in the present moment. Normal people's reactions and behaviours are automatically created by their subconscious minds which were programmed through snapshot learning during their formative years. In other words, the subconscious mind controls the normal person - not the other way around. If you're not in control of your own mind, surely that's a definition of madness!

There's more - societal norms tell us that we must work hard to be a success, that there are many outstanding things in life that only outstanding people can achieve - not normal people. Research proves that normal people only see what they expect to see, only perceive what they expect to perceive. In other words, normal people wander through life with their eyes closed, their senses dimmed, their life confined to the box created for them by their key influences during their childhood years and by a society that needs normal people to conform - whether that's a society driven by organised religion, the nation state or global corporate interests is a debate for some other day).

Back to my point - normal people want you to be normal. A client emailed me a couple of days ago saying that he had no problem opening, clearing and focusing his mind each morning - in preparation for the opportunities that every day holds for all of us. But, then, he'd get into work and be assaulted by normal people. People wanting to gossip (one of the greatest draws on our precious mental energy), people looking for a fight ("I deserve promotion", "Someone's getting involved where they shouldn't be", etc.) - and then he arrives home and is confronted by his teenage children - and, having three teenagers myself, it can often be difficult to remain calm, focused and effective!! All these everyday scenarios drag the calmest of minds into the dirt so that we end up reacting automatically all over again - and when did reacting make anything better!?!

You need to stop being normal - and, if you've started on the path towards being abnormal, you need to protect yourself against all those normal people who, unwittingly granted, was to drag you into their little dramas - want more of your attention, want you to make them feel important or better.

Why take the path that leads towards abnormality? Well, for starters, given my albeit very brief description of the normal mental state, do you really want to be normal? But, more to the point, you need to realise certain truths borne out by all the research that I've already mentioned. Anyone - and that includes you - can achieve the extra-ordinary and the exceptional. Anyone - and that, again, includes you, can achieve effortless happiness and success. You do not need to work hard to be a success. You need commitment, vision and belief - if you've got those, no work is difficult, no effort a strain.

The commitment you need is to your own state of mind. You need to cultivate and develop a clear, present and focused state of mind - a state of mind that is completely at odds with the normal cluttered, distracted mindlessness of normality. You need to commit to developing your ability to pay attention - not to your goals and dreams, but to the only time and place we have - the here and now. That means you pay more than 1% attention - that means you're already exceptional.

You need to believe. Believing is not wishing, hoping or wanting. Believing is seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting the success you want, as if you already have it. Those five senses that you rarely pay attention to are the very tools by which you can enable yourself believe and, more importantly, the only tools you have at your disposal to pay attention to the here and now - to be present, to be "all there", rather than "all over the place".

Don't want what normal people want - believe in the extra-ordinary.

Copyright (c) 2009 Willie Horton

5 Major Causes of Personal & Professional Failure

2009-08-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

by: John Chilton

1. Lack of defined objectives: Success will always lie just out of reach for anyone who does not set goals and create strategies to achieve those goals on a daily basis. It's a constant job. You need have goals at all times to prevent becoming content or stale in what you are doing.

2. Lack of self-discipline: Self-Discipline is a product of self-control. Anger, frustration, and stress can lead to loss of focus, energy level, determination and can result in a decline in personal productivity if you don't recognize and react to these situations as they arise. Controlling your emotions will better help you control external situations as well. Perspective can be changed greatly depending on your mood or stress levels.

3. Lack of persistence: For some it is a lot easier to start something than finish it. Motivation and drive may be running high with a new idea, job or project, but after time passes and several challenges have arisen, people can lose that original focus and determination they had before. I'm sure you all have heard the term "burnt out". If you can stay driven and focused and take satisfaction from the positives in your situation, you'll find success will come, and make everything a little easier.

4. Over-caution: Pretty simple, fortune favors the bold. Now nobody is saying go out and take huge risks, just be open to positive opportunities as they arise and take advantage when they do. You don't want to be looking back saying "yeah that was a good idea, but...". Playing every situation safe will get you by, but that's not the idea here.

5. Lack of Research & Planning: Any business owner will tell you that if you have a goal you are trying to achieve the first thing you should do is create a defined strategy on how to achieve that goal. Take the time and do the necessary research on all aspects of the task, and gather as much information as you can to help you make the most informed decisions you can. So much time, effort, and money could be save if a simple plan is created prior to beginning any major task.

How to Build and Implement Strategies to Achieve Personal and Professional Goals For Success

2009-08-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

by: John Chilton

When someone tells you: "you need to set goals in your life" , you probably cringe and feel like it's just a motivational phrase. However, the best way to achieve success in your life IS to set attainable goals for yourself. "I'm going to work out 4 times this week instead of 3....", "I'll put in a few more hours to get this project finished early....", "I'll pay a little extra each month and get it paid off faster..." are all small examples of how you set goals in your personal and professional lives and a lot of the time don't really notice that you're doing it.

Every goal needs a plan. Some goals will need less planning than others. You probably won't need to create a complex strategy for working out one extra day a week, but it does require organizational planning. You'll have to decide if you'll go before or after work. Decide whether to shower there or shower after at home. You'll need to figure out what equipment to bring each day. These are just a few requirements of achieving that particular goal. This is where organizational planning can be used to make the whole process of achieving each goal easier and more importantly more efficient.

Productivity and efficiency are two major keys to success, and having a strategy will put you in the best position to obtain these attributes. So here are a few keys to building and creating workable strategies to help you attain goals you set for yourself.

1. Vision - See the big picture. Don't get too caught up in small details when creating and carrying out your plan. Remember the most important part of the plan is achieving the end result. Don't get so wrapped up in individual aspects that it keeps you from doing the one thing you set out to do. Be flexible. If one aspect of your strategy isn't working, try to work around it. A lot of the time you may have to adapt your plan around circumstances that are beyond your control. Don't be frustrated when you hit walls, just know that they will, and always do come, and you're better served by being prepared and ready to work your way around them.

2. Ally yourself with the right people - Successful people don't usually become successful all by themselves. Ally yourself with as many people as you may need for the creation and implementation of your plan or plans. We all need friends to make it in today's world and having the right ones can provide help, ideas, partnerships, and sometimes help open new doors for opportunity. Keep in mind the purpose of an alliance is that ALL parties bring a useful tool to the table and all should benefit from the arrangement. Identify strengths and weaknesses within your group and use them to obtain maximum results.

3. Be persistent - If your first strategy is unsuccessful, replace it with a new one. If that plan doesn't work, make a new one. Repeat this process as many times as it takes, and you'll soon find the path you need to take. Here is the point where the majority meets failure. Failing can be a very discouraging thing, and if you're not prepared, and at peace with the fact that failure can and probably WILL come at some point, it can get the best of you. Remember, it's never over till YOU say it's over.

Following these key philosophies when creating and implementing your plans can help you set and achieve goals and that paves the ever-winding road to success. Everybody's idea of success can be different so it's good to have a solid idea of what success means to you. The most important part of all this is hopefully the success you have brings you happiness, so keep that in mind.

Do It Yourself Online Guide – How To Do Things On Your Own?

2009-08-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

by: John Smith

Are you creative? Do you prefer to do things on your own rather than taking professional help? You can also save a substantial amount of money if you do things on your own. If you wish, you can take help of do it yourself online guides to find out how to do things on your own.

You can browse internet for do it yourself online guides on home improvement, business, finance, etc. Go through the following lines to check out some of these do it yourself sections.

• Home improvement tips

Instead of hiring an interior designer, you can check your creative ability by using your own ideas to beautify your interiors. After all, you’ll be staying at your home; so, why to borrow someone else’s idea for your interior makeover. You can very well do it yourself. However, you can browse internet for home improvement tips.

• Earn money through internet

Have you ever browsed the internet for online money making strategies? There are a number of websites that offer several ways to earn money without stepping out of your home. You can choose from home based business ideas to multi player games that can be a source of your steady income. You can even utilize your creative skills for earning money.

• Business – finance strategies

Even if you take professional help, there are some situations when you need to take some financial decisions yourself. So, why not do it yourself completely? In the time of financial crunch, you can save a substantial amount of money if you look after your business – finance related matters yourself. With the help of online tips, you can maintain good credit, make smart decisions about your investments, protect yourself from being a victim of identity theft and so on.

• Utilizing leisure time

There are many people who want to do some productive work in their leisure time. Even elderly persons can invest their leisure time in landscaping. It is an excellent option for those who get bored at leisure time. You can browse websites to find out new ideas about growing seasonal plants, planning an indoor garden and even building an entertainment outdoor space.

• Online health guide

You must have come across online do it yourself health guides. They help you to know how you can take care of your family's heath. You also come to know what factors to take into consideration while making a diet chart for your family members.

Apart from above, you can also search for do it yourself online guides in the field of sports, technologies - gadgets, education, arts – culture, entertainment, etc. You will be astonished to see that there are ways by following which you can even make certain equipments on your own.

How To Be Happy In 5 Steps!

2009-08-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

by: Jose Tua

1. Avoid Overthinking

"You could spend a lot of time ruminating," says Lyubomirsky. "But that just makes you feel even more pessimistic, more out of control, and effects your self esteem. Your relationships will suffer and your job performance will suffer."

Get rid of pessimism. One of the most effective ways to cope when things are difficult is to adopt a positive thinking strategy. "What can I learn from this? Times are tough, I've been furloughed at work, but I can spend more time with the kids, adopt a new hobby, or learn a new set of skills."

2. Practice Acts of Kindness

Now more than ever we need each other to survive. Lyubomirsky found that doing good things for friends, family, or strangers can make you happier. Think of practical, everyday gestures that can make someone's life a little bit easier.

For example, Lyubomirsky says, "Maybe now many of us can't afford to take a cab to the airport, so offer to give a friend a ride."

3. Focus on Your Relationships

You don't need an expert to tell you that relationships are critical to happiness. Not being the bread-winner anymore or not being able to fulfill your kid's needs can weighh down hard on your family life. But the trick is to stop feeling guilty and focus on nurturing your loved ones.

"I was at a psychology conference where an expert was talking about the effects of this economy on families and how parents can't afford to buy their kids luxuries like toys anymore," says Lyubomirsky. "But what they don't realize is that kids don't care about toys -- what they care about is parents being grumpy and taking it out on them."

4. Pick a Goal

"If you find a happy person you will find a project," says Lyubomirsky. "Happy people all have goals they care about."

Commit yourself to a project – whether it is a business you want to start or a dance you want to learn. But it's also important to remember to be flexible in these times. Don't get frustrated if circumstances are stopping you from meeting your goals. Adopt and change!

"If your spouse has lost their job you might have to change your goal," says Lyubomirsky. "Or you might have to learn a whole new skill for a new job."

5. Take Care of Your Body

When times are tough, it's easy to get skip your regular workouts in favor of moping in front of the TV and eating a bag of chips. Your thinking is "I have more important things to worry about right now than looking good."

But carve out a small part of your day to give your body some TLC. It will go a long way in boosting your happiness. "Even if you can't afford to go to the gym," Lyubomirsky says, "take time out to exercise at home or meditate."

Combining Law of Attraction with the Emotional Freedom Techniques for Success

2009-08-25T09:03:00.001-07:00

by: Loren Fogelman

According to the Law of Attraction, you have the ability to manifest your dreams. What you focus on you get more of. If that is true, what are your dreams? Consider your professional goals and what you want for yourself. How big do you dare to go?

As children, we dream BIG. Remember how the world held so many possibilities for you? You were able to be whoever you wanted to be. As you got older, there were more influences in your life. Some of them were very limiting and narrowed your scope of possibilities. Good or bad, someone else's beliefs and values were imposed upon you. This happens to all of us.

Consider the messages you received. What did you learn about deserving? Were you good enough? Were your interests supported and heard by others? The messages you received affected your identity and how you saw yourself. For most of us, there is a combination of positive and negative messages which we receive about ourselves and our worth. Some of them become your beliefs and truths.

My goal has been to turn a negative into a positive. Instead of looking at having big dreams of success as being selfish what if you were able to transform that perception? How would things be different for you? . Once again, think about your childhood dreams and how big they were. Is there something you wanted to do which gets you really excited? Are you doing something you enjoy so much that you would do it for free?

When you are sharing your expertise and passion with others, you are being of service. When you are doing something you love, your clients will respond to your enthusiasm. They will gravitate to you and want a piece of that excitement which you have to offer. Believing you deserve to follow a passion is possible.

Each person has the ability to know they deserve to rekindle those dreams and pursue a profession which inspires you. I have witnessed transformations of this very kind. The secret is to align your inner desires with your actions. When that occurs, you begin tapping into your peak potential.

By clearing the limiting beliefs you will begin to feel a shift and a lightness. You deserve to do work which makes you happy. Beginning to transform one limiting belief at a time is all you need to do. Change can happen.

Louise Hay's book 'You Can Heal Your Life' discusses potential. "I love the visualization of standing at the seashore looking out at the vast ocean and knowing that this ocean is the abundance that is available to me. Look down at your hands and see what sort of container you are holding. Is it a teaspoon, a thimble with a hole in it, a paper cup, a glass, a tumbler, a pitcher, a bucket, a wash tub, or perhaps you have a pipeline connected to this ocean of abundance? Look around you and notice that no matter how many people there are and no matter what kind of container they have, there is plenty for everyone. You cannot rob another, and they cannot rob you. And in no way can you drain the ocean dry. Your container is your consciousness, and it can always be exchanged for a larger container."

Instead of moving away from a problem, choose to work toward a solution. Turning a negative into a positive. Begin to think about what you deserve. If you could have it all, as you dreamed and knew you deserved, what would that look like?

By continuing to use the tools of manifestation and the Emotional Freedom Techniques, you are moving in the right direction. You are beginning to tap into your true potential. Feel the difference as you begin to free yourself from limiting beliefs. You deserve to do it all and have it all. The only limitations you have are the ones you have continued to place on yourself. Recognize you have the ability to change your thoughts. Make the choice to take action and step into your greatness.

Activity: List one belief which you would like to transform. List all the ways this belief holds you back from taking action to grow your business. If you could change that belief to one leading toward successfully reaching your goal, what would it be? Write it down. List all the steps you could take to reach that goal. Now you are moving in the right direction.

Giving Up: Have You Given Up on Yourself?

2009-08-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"I feel like giving up," Emma told me in our first phone session. "I've worked and worked on myself and I'm still miserable. I've had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working."

"It sounds to me like you are abandoning yourself."

"What do you mean? I take good care of myself. I eat well, exercise daily, work hard and take care of finances - in fact I'm doing really well financially - and I pamper myself. I get massages, get my nails done, and buy beautiful clothes. I have a nice house, a caring husband, and two wonderful children. I DO take care of myself, which is why I feel like giving up. I don't get why you are telling me that I'm abandoning myself."

"What are you feeling right now?"

"Miserable and angry at you for not understanding."

"Are you willing to take responsibility for being the cause of your anger and misery?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you willing to know that you are the cause of your misery and anger and to learn what you are doing to cause it?"

"Okay, but I don't know what to do."

"Emma, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?"

"No, I don't believe in God."

"I'd like you to imagine your own higher self - an older, wiser version of you. Are you willing to do that?"

"Okay."

"Right now, just take a deep breath and imagine that you are sitting with a very unhappy child. Focus in your heart and imagine that your older, wiser self is with you. Ask her to bring compassion into your heart for your unhappy inner child. Find a place in you that really wants to learn about what you are thinking and doing that is causing your inner child to be so unhappy. Now ask your inner child out loud, 'What am I thinking or doing that is causing you to be so unhappy?'"

Emma did this.

"Now allow your feeling self, which is your inner child, to answer you. Move into your unhappiness and allow that part of you to speak."

Emma's child: "You don't even know I exist. You never pay any attention to me. You never listen to me. You judge me all the time. You are constantly telling me I'm not doing things right and that I'm not good enough."

Emma was stunned. "Wow! That's right! I am always judging myself. Is this what is causing my misery?"

"Yes, it's part of it. Not only are you judging yourself, but then you ignore how you feel when you judge yourself. Then you project out on to others the fact that you are judging yourself and not listening to or understanding yourself. You got angry at me for not understanding you, which is a projection of you not understanding you. These are all ways you are abandoning yourself, which is what is causing your unhappiness. Now, ask your Guidance - your older wiser self - what you need to do so that your inner child starts to feel loved by you."

Emma asks. "She says that I need to stop judging myself."

"Emma, I suggest that you start to notice your judgments without judging yourself for judging yourself. You cannot stop something that you are not aware of doing. So just start to notice."

Emma did start to notice, which enabled her to gradually become less judgmental of herself. As Emma learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she stopped abandoning herself and learned to treat herself with love.

"You know what?" she said to me in a phone session. "I feel joy for the first time in my life!"

Law Of Attraction Tip: Your Outer Reality Is A Reflection Of Your Inner Self

2009-08-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

by: Maria Meiners

One of the most important (and telling) indicators of the way your outer reality will look is how you feel about the person you see in the mirror.

If you don't like that person, find fault and are critical then chances are you'll also find fault, be critical and generally not like the world around you either. And conversely if you love the person in the mirror and are supportive and cheerful then you will find yourself living in a loving, supportive and generally happy world.

It's very simple really: Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

And a very easy way to catch a glimpse of that inner world is to look in the mirror. Go on....go take a look....I'll wait :^)

So what did you see? Do you like that person? Is that person full of great qualities? Would you be that person's best friend? Can you honestly look that person in the eye and say, "Wow, you're amazing!"

If your answers were less than positive don't despair. The truth is that the vast majority of people think less of themselves than they do of complete strangers.

But you can change that, starting right now. Begin by making a decision that starting right now you are going to have a new best friend and that person is YOU. Decide that you will love yourself regardless of your flaws and imperfections (think about it - would you dump a really good friend just because they weren't perfect) and that you will become your own greatest supporter and cheerleader.

This doesn't mean that you have to lie to yourself or spout false (and unbelievable) affirmations about how stunning you are. It does mean that you have to stop beating yourself up and focus on your good qualities instead.

Once you get in the habit of doing this I promise that the person in the mirror will change to reflect your new self-image. And as that happens the outer world will change too....and I think you're going to like that new reality :)

Quotes By Famous People: 3 Inspirational Quotes That Lead You To Success

2009-08-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

by: Michael Lee

We often turn to influential people for inspiration - whether it’s in the arena of sports, entertainment or politics. We observe how they act and how they speak. But perhaps what is most inspiring about them is what they have to say about succeeding in life. There are inspirational quotes by famous people on life that everyone would benefit from reading.

I myself am inspired daily by their words. In this article, you will know some of the most memorable quotes by famous people that can lead you to massive success.

1) “Though I'm grateful for all my blessings, it hasn't changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I'm just wearing better shoes.” - Oprah Winfrey

As powerful and as influential as Oprah Winfrey is, she has never let it go to her head. She remembers her roots, what she has been though; and yet she shows appreciation for what she has now.

This is one of the major reasons why the whole world still can’t get enough of Oprah Winfrey. If you’ve just been promoted, for example, don’t flaunt it for all the building to see. Don’t turn into a snob and don’t look down on others.

Instead, count your blessings and be thankful that you have reached this far. Then use your success to help others achieve the same.

2) “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” - Barack Obama

When it comes to motivational quotes by famous people, this is probably one of the most relevant right now. If you really want to succeed in life, you have to take matters into your own hands.

Don’t slump on your desk complaining about the injustice of work. If you want that raise, don’t just wish it in your head. Start actively doing things that would get you that raise.

Don’t gripe about the broken coffee maker or the perpetually defected photocopy machine. Have the courage to write a report about it and process it to the right department.

3) “God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.” - Mother Teresa

If you want to read inspirational quotes by famous people, you can’t go wrong with Mother Teresa. Her compassion for everything will not only strengthen your faith in yourself, but also your faith in others.

This particular quote teaches you not to give up so easily. Nobody is perfect. But that doesn’t mean people can use that as an excuse to come up with shabby results. At the very least, make the effort to fulfill your goals and success will follow.

We all have different interpretations of success and different ways of achieving it. However, based on all these motivational quotes by famous people, the most important success is the one we get from coming into an understanding with ourselves.

My World View with Respect to the Law of Attraction

2009-08-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

by: Rick Walker

I am currently trying to reconcile how the world interacts with the mind, specifically, my mind (obviously). This is where I am currently trying to refine my world view.

Very general simplification: There is no question we interact with our world, however, that perception is biased by our own mental filters. For example, a woman perceives the world differently than a male, a middle aged man perceives the world differently than a teenaged girl and I perceive the world differently than my brother. We all have a BRAIN, a documented organ in our bodies. Using various techniques, it has been demonstrated that electrical activity occurs within the brain and, further still, various locations in the brain responsible for mental activity (conscious, sub-conscious and autonomic functions) have been identified. These represent the various component activities of the MIND.

Where I am getting stuck is with what represents a THOUGHT and how it (they) create my reality. To my knowledge, we can't isolate the specific electrical signal that represents a single thought. Is it a single electrical pulse, travelling sequentially through a series of neural synapses? Is it a diffuse cloud of electrical signals from a diverse variety of synapses representing the multiple nuances associated with that thought (i.e. the emotional, physical and/or spiritual state in which the thought occurs)?

The mental activity certainly consists of electrical impulses and, therefore, creates an associated electromagnetic field. All matter is energy (through Einstein's equation E=mc2) and, therefore, all energy is matter (current or pending).

So, how do our thoughts interact (create) our reality? If I visualize $1 million dollars as my goal, how does it manifest?

Note: For the $1 million to simply "appear" through my visualization (i.e. "Law of Attraction" as advocated in "The Secret") would require a huge amount of energy (E=mc2), hence the requirement for accompanied "Action" or "Energy").

Furthermore, (from Wikipedia):

The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the entropy of the universe always increases, or (equivalently) that perpetual motion machines are impossible.

The Law of Attraction (as advocated in "The Secret") violates, in my mind, the Second Law of Thermodynamics (which is a quantitatively derived, repeatedly proven physical law, not an empirically proposed, man-made "Natural Law") by proposing, essentially, "Something for Nothing".

The three part formula advocated in "The Secret" is:

1) Think,
2) Believe, and
3) Receive.

It makes no mention of the component of "Action". However, "Action" is required. Can a deer evade the wolf simply by visualizing itself safe and secure? Certainly to a point, within limitations, however, once the wolf gets the scent, flight and speed ("Action") is required.

What is the nature of our interaction with our environment? How do my thoughts "create" my reality? How do others thoughts influence / create my reality (given that I interact with other people and their thoughts - my wife, my kids, my family, my friends, even this group discussion)?

I am continually in the process of developing my world view, taking in ideas and concepts consistent with that world view and blocking / eliminating others that are inconsistent. More importantly, if my world view fails me, I need to revise, or even discard, it and replace it with another that works better, one that is more consistent with my beliefs. (i.e. Do you think the same way you did as a teenager? Are your values and priorities the same?)

My world view needs to be consistent with the observable world. My world view requires "Action" to accompany "Visualization". Others, apparently, don't.

My world view has to be internally consistent to work. Therefore, how does thought create my reality?

People Who Are Confused Take No Action

2009-08-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

by: Roseanna Leaton

To have clarity of intent both logically and emotionally is essential to the successful completion of any task. It is very easy to be in two minds over things. Life is, after all, our own subjective experience and every circumstance we are faced with becomes another learning curve. In most situations we do not have a practice run to see how things turn out; all that we can do is to try and work out what might happen if we act in this way or that.

There is no exact science to living one's life, although there's many a time when one might wish there were. It can seem that it would be easier of you were just told what you should do. But this is not really the case; this is your life that you are living and it is up to you to take control and direct yourself to where you want to be.

Often you may feel that you only have two choices, but if you were to look a little further you would realize that there are probably an infinite number of choices which you could make. One thing is for sure is that if you keep sitting on the fence...you will remain exactly where you are, sitting on the fence, and many an opportunity can be bypassed in this way. But you will only make your move, and decide on a direction in life once you are clear about what you want.

To have clarity of thought is what gives you the power to make changes. You cannot commit fully to a new direction if you are turning your head and looking over your shoulder for a glimpse of what you might be missing. To move on you need to do so with tunnel vision. This is really important because whatever you imagine you create and whatever you focus upon you attract into your reality.

If you are looking forwards one moment and imagining, for instance, yourself in a nice new job and then the next moment you are looking back and allowing yourself to think about the things you enjoy in your present job your focus is not at all clear. Be aware also that every thought you have has energy, and in this type of hesitant attempt at change you are creating some energy which moves you forward and then some more which tugs you backwards. You will feel like a log floating on the tide as the tide is turning and you will not know which way you are facing from one moment to the next.

But unlike the tide, which you know will eventually turn in its own time and take you with it, your life will only move and change when you make the decision to move and change. And that decision has to be clear and heart-felt. Once you have made your mind up, and have decided for example to leave your present job and move to another one, you have to be aware that to look back over your shoulder will only pull you backwards, with a wave of negative energy surrounding you and pulling at your emotions.

Instead, every time you feel a tiny urge to look back, it is important to be resolute and keep your focus firmly in front of you. It is very helpful at such a time to imagine your life as you want it to be, to really picture your new job and your new co-workers and the fun that you will have. And if you start to think of things which feel at all uncomfortable, intentionally find a way in which to change them in your mind's eye. The key is to picture what you want to happen, and feel as you want to feel. This provides you with clarity and positive energy which will power your resolve.

This principle is true whether you are thinking about moving on in work, or in leaving home, going abroad or leaving your relationship. You have to be single minded and clear in your focus. You have to be strong and not allow yourself to look back over your shoulder as this will only create a negative energy force which will sweep you right back to whence you came.

You can use hypnosis for additional help. Hypnosis will help you relax and remain calm through times of change. It will also provide you with easy access to your creative and subconscious mind and so your visualizations will have greater clarity. If you really know what you want, the only way in which to make a change is to don a set of blinkers and step resolutely forwards.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis for change.
http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com

You Will Only Hit What You Aim For

2009-08-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

by: Roseanna Leaton

If you aim for the moon at the very least you will end up amongst the stars. If you do not take aim you will surely fail, and as you seek to justify your failure you may even cause yourself physical illness.

This statement popped in on my e-mail this morning as a motivational message of the day. It states the truth. A child who did not try to walk would only ever crawl, and would eventually come to believe that there was "something wrong with them" that prevented them from walking. Although they would think that they had something physically wrong, it would in reality be their mind which had stopped them in their tracks.

I am reminded of another saying; if you aim for the moon and you miss you will at least end up amongst the stars. It is amazing how many of us don't even try to do something because of some sort of mental blockage, usually experienced as fear. In avoiding that fear, we at the same time avoid so many opportunities which we might otherwise have enjoyed. The knock on effect of knowing that we have missed such opportunities can often lead to bitterness and further negativity.

At the same time we can find ourselves searching for something to justify why we did not even try. Like the figurative child who grows to believe that there is something physically wrong with them that prevents them from walking, the human mind is all to adept at thinking that something physical is the cause of failure. It is easier to think that one's failure to aim for the moon was due to the wrong weather, wrong temperature, and wrong direction, wrong anything...or to believe that you do not have the right tools, or the right equipment, and so on.

The difference between the person who aims for the moon and the person who does not aim at all is in reality all in how they each choose to think. The outer elements remain the same. One who aims for the moon will seek to find the necessary tools and equipment; they will find a way to get there simply by choosing to take aim. The person who chooses not to take aim will seek to justify their position, often causing physical illness to themselves along the way.

How can physical illness be caused? Take the child who does not try to walk; what happens to those unused muscles? They waste away. This is only one example of physical impairment which can be caused by ones mental attitude. Your mind can have a very great impact upon your physical well being. Your body is in fact a mirror of your mind and scientific research is now providing proof of this phenomenon. Every thought you have has the ability to transmit signals from your brain to every cell in your organism. It pays both mentally and physically to pay attention to what you are thinking.

Most people however are unaware of this connection. They think that a physical illness is just physical, and believe that their mind is an entirely separate entity. This pattern of belief also justifies an abrogation of responsibility about one's health. It encourages one to simply go to your local GP and expect a cure for any symptoms imaginable, no manner how your thoughts and behavior have contributed to the illness suffered.

Obesity issues are a perfect example of this. How many people now resort to gastric banding? Or diet pills? Or any number of novel surgical procedures? Is this not a wonderful example of abrogating ones responsibility for one's own health? Yes, there are some people who do have a physical cause of their obesity. But far more people do not; they just haven't found a way to get their mind around the subject of weight loss. They haven't found the right way in which to take aim.

No matter what it is you would like to achieve, you will only hit what you aim for.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis for health and well-being.
http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com

Self Defense – Best Tips

2009-07-30T02:47:00.000-07:00

by: Jim Wilkinson

There are many things you can do in order to practice proper self defense and personal protection techniques. These things include learning, practice, being aware of your surroundings, and much more. These tips can help to keep you safe.

There are many tips and tricks you can learn when it comes to self defense. You should learn as much as you can so that when you are approached by an attacker you have what it takes to fight off the person. You can learn through local self defense instructors or you can even purchase DVDs and videos for training on your own. These are effective methods that will teach you the basics of fighting off an attacker in different circumstances. Once you learn the techniques you should practice them on a regular basis. This will ensure you are good at them and you will be more prepared to use them when you need to.

When you are considering personal protection it is important to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Many people who are coming out of the grocery store and mugged are the ones that don't pay attention to what is going on around them. Look around for people following you, standing around by your car, and that just don't look right. Don't hitchhike because you don't know the drivers of the vehicles. Also, avoid places that the crime rate is bad or if they look sketchy. Don't look like an easy target for the criminals. Hold your head up high and be confident and pay attention to the things going on around you.

When you are finally forced to put your self defense techniques into action you must do so. Don't be afraid to scream as loud as you can, kick, bite, and do everything. You must get away because it may be the last hour of your life if you do not. If the person has a gun and they tell you that they are going to shoot you if you scream, but to come with them, they will most likely harm you when you get to where he takes you. Make as much noise as possible and you become the aggressor. Show the person you are not afraid of them. When most criminals find the person is not afraid of them they will not commit the crime.

Use personal protection devices for self defense such as a Taser, Stun Gun or pepper spray. You should purchase them and carry them on your person. Do not put them deep into the depths of your handbag or your briefcase and have no idea where the pepper spray is or how to use it. Know exactly how to use things like pepper spray, stun guns and Tasers. Also, at night it is okay to have these devices in your hand while you walk down the street. Be prepared to use them. It could save your life.

There are many things that you can do to practice personal protection and be prepared to use self defense. If you come upon a situation where you need to use them you will be prepared and ready to defend yourself if you practice the techniques and become good, fight the attacker back, use personal protection devices, and more.

How to Start Living Your Ultimate Life

2009-07-30T02:46:00.000-07:00

by: Rod Hairston

Can a missile hit its target if no one programs in a destination? Can it even be launched? No! The missile's guidance mechanism needs to know the destination. Think of yourself as that missile, and your Vision as the program that gets you to your destination. I know you're saying, "But, I've never created a Vision for myself." When you do not consciously create a Vision for yourself, your unconscious mind creates one for you. You are headed somewhere. In every category of your life, such as your career, your relationships, and your energy, you are following a plan designed by your unconscious mind.

Everyone is following a plan. This is so important to understand. If you do not deliberately create a Vision for each category of your life, your unconscious mind will do it for you. Maybe it will create the Vision from significant emotional events in your past, or maybe it will model your peer group, or the media, or your childhood beliefs or your parents behavior. If you don't know where you're going, just look around at your life because your unconscious mind has had to create a vision for each category of your life in order for you to function. This is so important to understand.

Are You Playing "Let's Make a Deal" with Your Life?

On the TV show "Let's Make a Deal," you can give up what you have now for the promise of whatever is behind "curtain number three." Sometimes it's a new car, but most times it's a herd of goats. That's how some people live their life. "Well, I'm going to make a deal with my health. We'll just see how it turns out," or "I'm going to make a deal with my relationship. It stinks right now, but maybe we'll stay together." Or "I'm going to make a deal with my finances. I'm broke and I'm doing the same old things, but...."

I can hear you saying, "What if I write down a Vision and have no idea how to make it happen? What if I write a vision down and I don't know how to get it done?" It's not about how. The Vision compels you to develop the belief and the faith and everything else that you need. It's about believing and then seeing. I have a friend and client who is the chairman of the most successful online mortgage company in the world. He borrowed five thousand dollars 14 years ago and has parlayed that to a fortune at least worth six hundred million. He's created an environment for over two thousand people that's so supportive and great that it was voted the twelfth best place to work for in Fortune magazine.

I asked him how he did it and he said, "Rod, you'll see it when you believe it, not before."

In order to believe anything you have to have something to believe in. The how will come. You'll be amazed at what you draw into your life. You have to start with the vision, though. You have to! And you have to make it big, you have to make it bright, you have to allow it to give energy to you and to your life. You can always change it, but it's time to wake up and realize you're in the game; you might as well play. It's time now to start living and stop letting your automatic patterns hold you back. It's time to expand and really, really design a world the way you want it to be. And hopefully your world will promote happiness, not just for you, but for everybody that has the opportunity to be around you.

Let your life be an example of achievement and growth. Following your Vision will also help you be an example of what is possible so that other people can see that life is about creating and adding to mankind, not taking away. Without a vision we're prone to adopt an attitude of scarcity, the thinking that says life is a win-lose game. If you win, I lose; if I win, you lose. A fulfilled life is not about that type of mentality at all. It is about the understanding that you create your life. ~Rod Hairston www.envision-u.com

Ten Reasons to Learn to Use Hypnosis

2009-07-30T02:45:00.000-07:00

by: Roseanna Leaton

In day to day life I come across ever more reasons why everyone should learn to use hypnosis. You can empower your mind and also go a long way to achieving good health simply by using hypnosis. Here are just a few basic reasons why you too should learn to use hypnosis and benefit from it in your life.

1. Hypnosis is natural and normal; you pass through hypnosis as you go to sleep and as you wake up.

2. Hypnosis allows access to your subconscious mind, the part which knows just what to do and just how to do it, the part which acts automatically and spontaneously.

3. When in hypnosis your creative mind comes to the fore and so you can use imagery and visualization for therapeutic intervention more easily. Visualizations become more vivid and therefore more real, and this goes a long way to explaining why hypnosis is so beneficial to sports performance. Whatever you imagine you can create. You in effect open your mind to greater possibilities.

4. Visualizations created whilst in hypnosis are also a very beneficial way in which you can gain relief from many physical ailments, such as IBS relief, depression relief and anxiety relief.

5. You can use hypnosis to create a zone state and in effect have tunnel vision and so aid more powerful direction of thought and intent.

6. You can learn self hypnosis at home with the help of hypnosis downloads or hypnosis cds. You get better at it with practice and so you can learn to access deeper states as you wish. Contrary to popular belief, deeper states are not necessary for therapeutic intervention; mild hypnotic states are perfectly effective.

7. Hypnosis creates an REM state, the same state which you access each night as you dream. This is the state of mind which is essential to natural and easy conflict resolution. With hypnosis you can get your conscious and subconscious mind working together, and also your logical and creative minds working together. In this way you can overcome a feeling of "being in two minds" and instead create a feeling o alignment and balance.

8. There are no uncomfortable side effects to hypnosis. In fact, the "side effects" are good - you feel relaxed, calm and comfortable; worries and tensions just fade away. This makes hypnosis a great way in which you can learn to change state easily and it is a natural antidote to anxiety or the "fight or flight" response.

9. Hypnosis is a natural state of relaxation, and when in hypnosis your heart rate slows down as does your breathing and your blood pressure naturally lowers. Hypnosis is in fact like taking a mental massage and you can use your mind whilst in hypnosis to feel as if you have had a physical massage as well. The interesting thing about hypnosis is that you can use your mind to massage your inner self as opposed to just the outer self.

10. This last fact leads me to the real crux of why I think hypnotherapy is the very best mind power tip and also the very best therapy. Hypnosis allows you to look within, to access the inner workings of your mind. Everything in life starts with how you think about it. If all you want to do is to change your attitude towards something hypnosis will be a great help. If you want to take things a step further, and change how you act as well as how you think, hypnosis is invaluable. Should you want to use hypnosis for more therapeutic purposes, it is often an effective therapy in itself, but it is ALWAYS beneficial in preparing your mind to respond in the best way possible to any therapy or treatment which you undergo.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for your health and well-being.

Having the Confidence to Be Who You Are

2009-07-30T02:44:00.000-07:00

by: Roseanna Leaton

I was flicking though a book the other day by Neil Donald Walsh, one of the "Conversations with God" series, and as always when perusing his writings, I was struck by one particular paragraph. He was questioning how a person can remain peaceful and loving when the world around you is demonstrating the opposite. In fact, this is what is asked in the book:

"How do you remain peaceful when the world is demonstrating everything but peace? Loving, when the world is demonstrating everything but love? Forgiving, when the world is demonstrating everything but forgiveness?"

The answer given in the book was, as always, spot on: "You insist on being who you are no matter what the rest of the world is being". The question which immediately arose in my mind was as to how many of us actually have the confidence and belief to do this? How many of us have a firm basis of self belief?

We are not born with a lack of confidence; rather, we are an almost open book, the pages of which are turned in accordance with our experiences. We learn to like or dislike ourselves as a result of the actions and reactions of people around us. We learn our levels of self belief and self confidence as a result of the types of experiences which we encounter.

Those first few years have an amazing impact upon our later experiences in life. Because to (loosely) quote Henry Ford "if you think you can you probably can, but if you think you cannot, you are probably right". If you think you can do something you will have a go at it with confidence, and determination to find a way to do it. On the other hand, if you were to only think that you might be able to do it, you are less likely to look for alternative paths to achievement when the going gets tough. And, if you do not think you can do it at all, you will not even give it a go.

Those first few years in this way shape our later reality. We make our choices based upon our framework of self belief. We get into situations which then confirm and strengthen those beliefs. It is all too easy to go from a childhood in which you felt unloved or unworthy into later relationships where you take on the role of one who is worthless, one who is a victim.

But it is never too late to change. To change the outer reality of your life, to change who you spend time with, where you live, how you allow people to treat you, how you allow yourself to be swayed in this or that direction, and so on, you first have to look within. Because everything that is happening in your life now is happening because you chose this path, either consciously or inadvertently.

More often than not, those choices are made accidentally, more by allowing things to happen than by thinking "oh wow I want that to happen". The key to being peaceful and strong in yourself, and staying on your own path, is to look within and to take control of your own mind and your own choices.

This is why I am so in awe of the power which hypnosis gives to us. Hypnosis allows contact with your inner mind; it enables you to reveal to yourself the thoughts and attitudes previously hidden within your subconscious mind. Not only that, you can use hypnotic suggestions to install confidence building feelings and attitudes. And this can be done in the comfort of your own home, with the help of hypnosis downloads.

There is also an additional dimension to having such a strong sense of self that you always stay on your own path, knowing that this is where you are meant to be, no matter what is happening around you. This added dimension reaches further inwards to our sense of the spiritual, an inner knowing that we are on our current path for a reason, the knowledge that we are in the right place at the right time.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for your growing confidence.
http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com

Hypnosis is The First Place to Look for Self-Help

2009-07-30T02:43:00.000-07:00

by: Roseanna Leaton

Self-Help is a label which we are all very familiar with in this day and age. We walk into a book store and discover that the "self-help" section now stretches over an ever greater portion of the overall store. Self-help books abound. And there are too many self-help methods to even attempt to try and count them. Every magazine has a self-help section and even television programs are veering in the self-help direction.

For someone who is seeking help, it is all too easy to become completely confused as to which way to turn; which self-help method is right for you? The answer, in my opinion, is to go for the one which you have the greatest belief in. What you believe in and what you expect to work will indeed tend to do just that. Your expectations, in the majority of things in life, result in creating your reality. Your health, both emotional and physical, is no exception to this rule. We are, all of us, aware of the placebo effect, although few of us realize the extent to which it moulds our behavior and our lives.

The placebo effect demonstrates unequivocally the power of our own mind. Your mental attitude should always be taken into account when dealing with something which has become an issue to you. It doesn't matter what happens to you in life, it is how you choose to respond to it which counts.

I think that many people who seek "self-help" look in the wrong place for it. They are not really looking for self help; rather, they are looking for help from the outside, hoping that something outside themselves will help, that something out there will "do the trick". But as the title "self-help" implies, to help oneself it is necessary to look within, to examine one's own beliefs and expectations.

True self-help requires you to take responsibility for your own thoughts, beliefs, expectations and every other aspect of your current existence. Up until the age of eighteen you can heap some of that responsibility upon your parents or carers; but once you reach this age, it is important to remember that this is YOUR life; it is your responsibility to live it to the full, to rise up to challenges and grasp at every opportunity. If you do not respond to opportunities, you will never be lucky in life.

The first place to look for self-help is in your own mind. Then you can look around you to see what may assist. Change always comes from within. Unless you are willing to examine your own inner thoughts and beliefs, you will find that change will not take place in your life. This is why I am so awe-struck by the opportunities which hypnosis presents to every single individual who is seeking to change, no matter what it is that you may wish to alter in your life. Whether it is something big or small, deep rooted or superficial, you have to GET YOUR MIND AROUND IT or nothing will change.

Hypnosis allows access to your inner mind, and so it allows you to get into the very place which powers your ability to change. Hypnosis enables you to access your own unique "power house". With hypnosis you can get your mind around the things which you wish to change. Hypnosis is undoubtedly the most important self-help tool you could ever acquire. Hypnosis allows you to take control and to change from the inside out.

Not only this, hypnosis is complementary to every other self-help method you could contemplate as it can be used to focus your mind and build your expectations of success. (Hypnosis is also a very important complementary therapy to main-stream medicine, but this is subject matter for a different article.) You can learn to use hypnosis with the help of hypnosis downloads quickly, easily and inexpensively in the comfort of your own home.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for health, well-being and success.
http://www.RoseannaLeaton.com

Ways To Combat Worrying

2009-05-04T02:19:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Hastings, Hertfordshire

Worrying can make you physically anxious for example, increase in heart rate, butterflies and feeling tense. When people experience the physical symptoms of anxiety, this usually leads to more worrying about the symptoms, creating a vicious cycle.

There are lots of practical steps you can take to combat your worrying and to break the vicious cycle. These are techniques that I share with my clients at my NLP and Hypnotherapy practice in Hertfordshire.

Identify and clarify the worrying thought: Often worrying thoughts are experienced as several fleeting ideas and images that race through your mind. Spending the time writing down exactly what it is that is worrying you brings the thought out into the open. This in itself can show the worrying thought up as being less scary then when it was just in your head. Sometimes these thoughts are so automatic and quick that I will spend time at my NLP and Hypnotherapy practice, Hertfordshire helping clients identify worrying thoughts.

Explore what the worse thing that could happen would be if the thought was true: Often you will find that it is much easier to cope with a clearly defined worst outcome, then the product of your imagination, which is usually fantasy based and much worse!

Look at the thought logically: This involves examining the objective evidence of whether the thought is true. Create two columns on a piece of paper and on one list evidence to support the thought and under the other list evidence that disputes the thought. This is a process that is used at Hypnotherapy, Hertfordshire. The therapist works with the client to elicit the evidence, using a series of questions designed to help the person broaden their view of the situation.

Another point of view: Try looking at the worry from another perspective. For example, what would you advise a loved one who was concerned over the same thought. Also think about other times in your life when you would feel different about the worry.

What are the benefits or losses of holding onto this thought: Look at whether holding onto your worrying thought helps or hinders you.

Over-generalising: Are you viewing the situation/self in all or nothing terms e.g. complete disaster------- totally perfect ? Actually rate your thought out of 100% to remind yourself that your worry is probably somewhere other then complete disaster on a sliding scale.

Take Action: Rather then passively worrying which does not benefit you, look at whether there is anything you can do about the situation. Make a list of action steps that you can take.

Free time: If you are always worrying then become stricter with yourself and how you spend your time. Dedicate a set time to worrying, ensuring that within your time you set goals for action or work on your worry by going through all the steps to combat worrying already discussed. Then set dedicated time each day for relaxing - time where you will practice distracting your thoughts from worrying. Becoming proficient at a good body relaxation technique can be really useful.

How To Be The Best That You Can Be

2009-05-04T02:14:00.000-07:00

by: Pamela Glynn

Have you ever wondered why it is that some people seem to succeed at everything they decide to do, while others struggle through life never quite finding the success and fulfillment that in a sense is everyone’s right?

You might have done more than wonder. It might even be that you’ve felt envious of others’ successes … and begrudged them their fame, riches, big house, fast car or whatever. I must admit to having done my share of that when I was struggling and convincing myself that some had all the luck, while others had none.

But then I began to wonder whether they actually had endless luck … or something else. And I began to read up on the subject – autobiographies of successful people such as Richard Branson and Robert T. Kiyosaki – and books on how to achieve.

I learned something very interesting: the way we look at things makes all the difference between achievement and non-achievement. If we see something as impossible it quickly becomes impossible, whereas if we start looking hard for possibilities these start presenting themselves. It’s a question of ‘I can if I think I can’, which might seem simplistic – but then life is often simpler than we think!

Everything begins with a thought. Alexander Graham Bell could not have invented the telephone without first thinking that such a device must be within the bounds of possibility. Likewise Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin, and that other famous Fleming – Ian, creator of 007 James Bond. Imagine how much poorer we’d all be without ‘phones, antibiotics and the super-spy whose antics both on the written page and our cinema and TV screens have held millions enthralled!

And start imagining how you could improve your situation by thinking different thoughts. Instead of thinking ‘I wish I had his/her money, lifestyle, private plane, island etc’ start thinking of all that you do have and counting your blessings. As you count them, perhaps – if appropriate - starting with your health, you’ll begin to see that things could be a lot worse than they are and you can move on from there to develop an attitude of plenty rather than of lack.

I used to be forever focusing on what I couldn’t afford, rather than on what I could. One of my favorite expressions was ‘I can’t justify the cost of that’. Bit by bit I took myself in hand, developing a different attitude and beginning to understand that I was creating my own destiny. When I made a negative choice it was almost inevitable that there was a negative outcome, whereas when I erred on the side of the positive (thinking ‘I can’ instead of ‘I can’t’) the outcomes of my decisions started improving.

As these improved, so did my attitude – unless it all began with my attitude? Once I stopped focusing on lack and started permitting the flow of good things I found after a while that I lacked nothing.

I also found more to like about myself than I had found when I let envy color my perceptions. And the more I liked, the more I believed that absolutely anything is possible – which indeed it is, if you set out to be the best that you can be!

© Pamela Glynn

Where's Your Success

2009-05-04T02:04:00.000-07:00

by: Alison Bolger

Don’t you just get fed up hearing about all these successful people and how well they are doing? You don’t begrudge others their success, as you know they deserve to be successful, and have probably worked really hard to get what they have. But you know you have been trying really hard to be successful too, and no matter how hard you try nothing seems to work. It’s just not fair is it? So what’s the difference? There must be something that they’re doing that you aren’t but what is it?

Maybe there are some underlying beliefs you have, that you are not even aware of that are stopping you from getting what you want. At some core level you are sabotaging yourself without even being conscious of what you are doing. Hard to believe isn’t it?

You were born to be successful, but from a very early age you start learning how to be unsuccessful. As a kid you believed you could do and be anything you wanted with no limitations. In the games you played you actually believed you were superman or bat woman with no limitations on what you could do. When you sung into your pretend microphone you just knew you were going to be the next big rock star. You were happy, carefree and afraid of nothing.

Then as you grew up you started listening to the adults around you, and as they are bigger than you, you started believing everything they said. I’m sure you have heard them before…”you can’t have everything in life”, “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “that’s just not practical” etc. etc. You started to believe what they said and all of a sudden your light is turned off and you stop wanting altogether. You start living life from a practical, logical perspective. “If I want to get anywhere in life I’ll have to work hard”. “It doesn’t matter what job I have as long as I can earn enough money to pay the bills”. Before you know it you have taken on layer after layer of all these beliefs and your whole life revolves around living your life within the boundaries of those beliefs.

Once you realize that this is what you’re doing, then you can start paying attention to what you’re thinking about on a daily basis. Just by recognizing what you’re thinking about will help you free up some of your attention around your old beliefs. You can begin to replace those old beliefs with some new ones that will start bringing you the things you want.

Once you recognize that a thought or belief is not serving you then you need to replace it with something that will move you in the direction of your dreams. Your ability to change the thoughts and ideas you have of yourself will determine your success.

In Sandy Forster’s book “How to be wildly Wealthy Fast” you will learn quick and easy success secrets that will help you achieve your dreams. And by following the simple strategies you’ll soon be on your way to creating the success you desire and deserve.

A Guide To Success And Happiness For Young People

2009-04-29T02:34:00.000-07:00

by: Mario Churchill

Success and happiness are not often thought to co-exist in todayfs society. As people work harder to accomplish more successful careers and more expensive toys, they find themselves unhappy with their lives. This is largely due to imbalance. People are spending entirely too much time working to be successful and not nearly enough time with family and stopping to smell the roses. These poor habits began in the nineties, and are being passed down to the next generation. But as young people, you can start planning now to have both success and happiness in your life as you grow older.

The first step toward achieving both success and happiness is to determine your definition of successful. Is it a certain type of career, a certain pay level, or the ability to have certain expensive items? The answers will be different for everyone, so this is definitely something that you should evaluate on your own, or with someone that knows and understands you and your core values. If you have not done so yet, now is also the time to evaluate your strengths, weaknesses, skills, talents, and interests to begin choosing a career path.

Your next step toward achieving both success and happiness is to determine what makes you happy, or what will make you happy in the future. Is family of great importance to you? Do you want to get married and have children in the future (or the present)? Is not needing to worry about money and bills enough to make you happy, or do you need less substantial methods of happiness such as a good support system and time with friends? Again, answers will be different for everyone.

Once you have an understanding of your core values, you will be better able to create a plan that will give you both success and happiness. When you start choosing a career, you will need to take into consideration what you need for happiness rather than simply focusing on success. If family and time with friends is important to you, you may want to choose a less demanding career that will likely have set work hours. If this is not as important to you as helping others, then a career in law or medicine might be more feasible.

Once you have determined your career path, you will need to set a series of smaller goals that, when completed, will lead you to your ultimate goal of success and happiness. When you set these goals, you should not simply focus on how fast you can get to your final goal of success. If you work extra hard and get to your career goal within a few years, but you lose all of your friends and values in the process, you will not have success and happiness. But, if you take your goals in stride, allowing for plenty of time for yourself and your loved ones, you will find yourself in a much happier disposition as you reach your success goals.

Seeking Success in Midlife

2009-04-29T02:32:00.001-07:00

by: Anne Uemura, Ph.D.

By the time a woman reaches her midlife she has shed many of the idealistic and romantic notions that her previous goals and dreams were founded on. The middle years can bring unwelcome revelations about a woman’s marriage or relationships, health, career path, spirituality and overall personal development. So it’s not too surprising that seeking success in midlife is both a touchy subject and a hot topic.

While you may not be convinced that all the symptoms of middle age are to be enjoyed, there is reason for a positive outlook. If you look you’ll find significant scientific and anecdotal evidence supporting the fact that the midlife years can be used for unusual personal growth and development. “In a 1997 survey by the North American Menopause Society, more than half of American women aged forty-five to sixty viewed menopause as the beginning of a new and fulfilling stage of life.” Women who tend to feel successful during the midlife years are those who are able to use their struggles as an impetus for change.

* Transforming Struggles into Success in Midlife

From menopause to illness and death, midlife tends to pile on the responsibilities and burdens. This happens at a time when many women expect to be enjoying greater freedom and rewards for their years of hard work. For instance, your own experience may seem to suggest that life is just a struggle and you need to accept it.

Yes, life is hard. But successful midlife women find a way to use their struggles to better their lives. The first step is to acknowledge and accept fully your discontent. Then start turning to what would make you smile. It could mean a new and more fulfilling career, a better relationship, better physical condition or an improved financial state.

* Defining Success for Women in Midlife

Success-coaches find that most women know exactly what they don’t want in their lives: e.g., poverty, loneliness, illness. However the key to building a successful midlife experience is to invest fully in gaining with full clarity and detail the vision you want to create.

Coaching women through midlife has become one of the fastest growing careers because permanent change is so hard to implement. Just think of how many struggle and fail trying to lose weight, manage money or start exercising. When a woman seeking success in midlife employs a life coach to guide her they both will need to take some very specific steps regardless of the individual journey.

Since all permanent change is rooted in your underlying beliefs you must be willing to examine your preconceived notions about your self and the world. For instance, if your mother raised you to believe that a healthy woman “has a little meat on her bones” your attempts to lose weight are combated by your subconscious believing that that is an unwise move. We are full of beliefs that don’t serve us. Most of us cannot see ourselves without bias, which is why a life coach can add clarity and perspective to this process.

Once you have identified your coach she needs to have the resources to help you rewire key thoughts so you won’t recreate the past. Also from your dreams and list of “wants” for your life, you need to dig deep to find out what the best idea of your life purpose is. What goals would be in line with this life purpose? Then you and your coach will need to outline an action based on achieving those goals. Finally, you will embark on the journey with your coach guiding, prompting and helping you along the way.

* Build a Community for Success in Midlife

The concept of a life coach really goes back centuries. They were referred to as wise elders and given much respect. We have lost that tribal connection, and women need to build community and seek out mentors in other ways. One of the benefits of choosing a life coach is that you can seek out someone who has already been down the path that you are traveling and can point out both barriers and shortcuts to midlife success.

In addition, you can look for or create a support group of midlife women within your community, church or other organization. Having other women who intend to create the best opportunity for themselves in their present challenges are good to have on your side. Mastermind groups as described by Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich are a specific form of a support group.

The challenges of the midlife years can be seen as a wake-up call. Stop to take a long look at your life and the path you are traveling. Remember Lao-tsu said: "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."

Your struggles can be transformed into the power to pave a new path that leads toward a more fulfilling future. Midlife offers a huge opportunity if you are willing to invest in you and adopt new ways of thinking.

The Key to Efficiency

2009-04-29T02:30:00.003-07:00

by: Trina Lamarche

Over the last five years of being part of the working class, I have noticed some key points to being efficient.

1. Time Management

This is one of the biggest factors to being efficient. You can be well organized by keeping a schedule in your business and personal life. Even by having a calendar on the wall and writing your appointments or important phone calls is a good way of keeping organized.

2. Setting Priorities

Knowing what’s most important on your to-do list is an easy way of getting all of the tasks you need done completed in a timely manner. This might even allow you to do all the other smaller tasks on your list that you were putting off. Setting and keeping priorities, whether it be by client or task, is going to improve your relationships with your clients and then your clients will know what to expect when it comes to the completion of their work.

3. Learning to Breathe!

This might sound funny but it will save you from “blowing up” at one of your clients! Learning to breathe and not get frustrated with the business decisions you need to make is key to being efficient. Sometimes it’s best just to walk away from your desk and take a walk when you’re feeling frustrated. Frustration is not going to help you or your business.

4. Keeping a To-Do List

This goes along with being aware of your time and keeping your priorities. Keeping a to-do list is one of the best things I could have done to improve my business. I have a Hilroy notebook all the time and as I get new tasks, I write them down. As I think of new ways to improve my business, I write those down as well. It’s so easy and cheap to do and it will save you so much time. You won’t have to try to think back at everything you’ve done, all you have to do is simply look in your book and there it is.

As many of you know, there are tons of ways of being efficient in your business and personal life. Finding the right way for you makes all the difference in the world. It took me three years to find the best way! Being aware of these small things will help to improve your business and keep you on track to being efficient.

Looking forward to sharing many successes with you!

Trina Lamarche
Efficient VA

Discover How You, Too, Can Have It All

2009-04-29T02:30:00.001-07:00

by: Pamela Glynn

Impossible? No – or yes, depending on how you see yourself and your environment. So much depends on our own perceptions and on our ability to discover that abundance is not just for others. If, consistently, we have more month than money it is natural to think that that’s the way it is and that there’s not much we can do to change it. Bosses don’t exactly dish out largess, do they? They run their business to make a profit and most of them tend not to pay employees over the odds. For this and a myriad of other reasons, debt is increasingly common … and when we are heavily in debt despair can quickly follow on.

That is a sad fact of life. But by changing our thinking we can change our circumstances.

Not overnight, of course. Nothing is that simple. The thing to remember is that contrary to appearances abundance is available to everyone.

Most of us have not been taught to see its availability. As a ‘war baby’ I was certainly brought up with a lack mentality. During the war itself, of course, and during the immediate post-war years there was much more lack than plenty and in my family – as in many others - it was a case of ‘make do and mend’. In other words, we had to make do with what we had rather than hanker after something totally unobtainable … and if socks, stockings, sweaters or whatever had a hole in them, then out came the darning needle and the hole was painstakingly mended.

We live in a different society now, though, don’t we? These days few things are mended while much is thrown away. That seems rather a sad reflection on our so-called ‘affluent society’ – and it isn’t helping our planet, either.

But getting back to lack versus abundance: I think many of us are conditioned during our formative years to believe it’s almost a sin to be rich – or at least that riches are for others, not for us.

We don’t need to take that conditioning with us through life, though, do we? It’s our undeniable right to question it … and to re-think.

I have found that if I focus on the money (or item) I lack, my focus brings more lack. I’m so busy thinking about what I don’t have that I depress myself thoroughly. Whereas, if I picture what I’d like to have - and spend time imagining how it will feel to still have money at the end of the month, or to be driving a more reliable car, or to be having a carefree holiday – my mood changes from downbeat to upbeat and I begin to see new possibilities. It’s important not just to picture these things, but also to experience in advance the emotion that their acquisition will bring. It’s also important to be patient and not expect overnight miracles. When we take ourselves in hand and practise new thinking, time is needed for this to begin taking effect.

For example, six years ago I took a picture of my dream-house. This had three stories and from each floor there were breathtaking views across the marina and ocean. I had never lived in such a house before and initially had some difficulty imagining myself living there. But I placed the picture prominently on a ‘dream board’ I had placed on the wall opposite the desk in my study. So I saw ‘my house’ every day and in this way it became easier to absorb it into my thinking as a part of my existence.

Mentally I moved in, living my new lifestyle and breathing fresh sea air.

Seven months later a sale-board went up outside ‘my house’. Hardly believing my eyes, I inquired about the price … and found that thanks to some financial good fortune of just a few days before I could actually afford it! The timing was almost unbelievable, since even a week earlier I’d lacked the necessary means to make an offer.

My offer was accepted, I eventually moved in … and I’ve been living happily in my dream-house ever since. And because of this and other amazing developments I’ve learned the importance of thinking the ‘right’ thoughts.

Truly, you too can discover how to have it all!

Copyright: Pamela Glynn

Finding Happiness

2009-04-29T02:26:00.000-07:00

by: Brenda Davis

In the world that we live in today, it is too easy to become overwhelmed by it all with our busy schedules and reports from the daily news. Negative thinking can infiltrate even the most positive minds when we start to focus on all of the daily challenges that we face.

But when we choose to keep our focus on what makes us happy, we begin to shift the energy back to the positive. Finding something to be happy about each day is the first step in making this happen. Once we do this, we can see that being alive is truly a wonderful gift that is meant to be enjoyed and savored.

There is always something that we can think about to be happy about.

You may choose to remember a life-changing event such as the birth of a child. You may find your happiness in receiving a cup of your favorite coffee while enjoying the aroma and flavor of the brew. You might catch a glimpse of a beautiful sparkle of light shining through a piece of colored glass.

If you find yourself unable to bring up a happy memory or are unable to enjoy a simple pleasure, you need to take the time to examine what is blocking you from experiencing your happiness.

Keeping a happiness or gratitude journal may help you take that first step.

Each evening before you go to bed, write down in your journal a happy thought, memory or experience. Include the emotions that arise as you consider these thoughts and events. This may give you the insight into the factors that are compelling you to resist your happiness.

Happiness doesn’t always come easily into our lives. You might have been conditioned by society to believe that you are not worthy of happiness unless you have achieved certain expectations. So thoughts of happiness can actually trigger feelings of anger, guilt, fear and/or sadness. Accept that you have the power to choose happiness over unhappiness every day of your life. Each day make a conscious choice to discover a new source of happiness. It may not be easy at first, but eventually the idea of happiness will find its way into your heart.

Find one thing that makes you happy today and smile!

Have an Idea for the Next Great Invention?

2009-04-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

by: Sandie Sandler

We’ve all been disappointed at some time or another by products that didn’t live up to manufacturers’ claims. Just take a look around your home or office: How many items do you see that could use a bit of tweaking to make them more useful, make them work better – or make them work, period!

You’ve probably never considered following through on your simple ideas for besting design engineers at their own game. But chances are that once I explain how easy and affordable it is to test the waters, you’ll be canvassing your surroundings for items that could use your personal touch or be motivated to hatch the next blockbuster idea.

Many of my clients come to me with what they think are million-dollar ideas. They’ve polled a trusted group of family and friends on the merits and marketability of their invention and the consensus is that it’s a shoo-in. Lucky for them, these clients approached me at a critical juncture in the product development process– a crossroads where guidance in choosing the right path could help them avoid costly mistakes and wasting thousands of dollars.

Unlike firms that offer to shepherd your product idea to market in exchange for exorbitant up-front fees, my job is to act as your product development coach. In this role, I help clients on limited budgets to do it all themselves and to engage professionals on an as-needed basis along the way.

My overriding objective is to steer clients in the right direction – which means I might point you to China or back to the drawing board. I learned firsthand the ins and outs of the process when I brought my own new invention to market over 10 years ago – the Bowdabra. Since then, I’ve undertaken several personal projects on a limited budget and gained valuable experience in deciding when to proceed with a new idea and how to monetize it as efficiently as possible.

In my first session with a new client I discuss the viability of the product idea, as well as the do-it-yourself method of exploring whether an idea is patentable using the online services of the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO). If you’re on a tight budget and can devote several hours to this task, you’ll find the process user friendly enough. Otherwise, you can hire a lawyer to conduct a patent search for +/- $750. One way to locate a registered patent attorney or agent is through the USPTO’s directory (www.uspto.gov/web/offices/dcom/olia/oed/roster/index.html).

If your search results reveal that your idea is indeed unique and patentable, you’ve got a green light to proceed to the provisional patent – a powerful option that is little-known outside the realm of experienced inventors. The provisional patent helps would-be inventors overcome one of the biggest obstacles they face: reluctance to reveal their idea to the very audience who is the bona fide market for the product.

It’s a common “catch 22”: Do I take the risk that someone will copy my idea or proceed with just the encouragement of family and friends. Clearly, it’s a valid concern among the uninitiated who do not understand the “patent pending” features that come with the provisional patent.

The provisional patent provides a low-cost way to protect your idea from potential competitors for 12 months while you do your market research. This is important because conducting demos and surveys among sizable target market segments is the only way to see if your idea has legs long enough for sustained profitability.

The provisional patent gives you the breathing room you need to assess whether it makes financial sense to go on to the next step of applying for a utility patent, which protects the way a product is used and works for a 20-year period, and/or an international patent.

Healthy Guilt, Unhealthy Guilt

2009-04-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong.

HEALTHY GUILT

Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have actually done something wrong - such as deliberately harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having developed a conscience - a loving adult self who is concerned with your highest good and the highest good of all. People who never developed a conscience and feel no guilt or remorse over harming others are called sociopaths. These people have no loving adult self and can wreck havoc - stealing, raping, killing - without ever feeling badly about it.

Healthy guilt results in taking responsibility for our choices and being accountable for our actions. When we have not behaved in a way that is in our highest good and the highest good of all, our loving adult self will feel remorse and take over, doing whatever we have to do to remedy the situation.

UNHEALTHY GUILT

Unhealthy guilt results from telling yourself that you have done something wrong when you haven't actually done something wrong. For example, if you decide to do something for yourself with no intent to harm anyone, and someone gets upset with you for doing what you want instead of doing what he or she wants, what do you tell yourself? Here are some of the inner statements that can lead to unhealthy guilt:

"It's my fault that he is feeling angry."

"I should have done what she wanted instead of what I wanted. I have caused her to feel hurt."

"I'm being selfish in doing what I want to do."

"It's my duty to put myself aside and do what others want me to do."

"If he gets angry with me, then I must have done something wrong."

"If she is hurt, then I must have done something wrong."

Many of us have been trained to believe that we are responsible for others' feelings, so that when others are angry or hurt, it is our fault. But unless you deliberately intended to harm someone, his or her feelings are not your responsibility. Others get hurt when they take your behavior personally, and they get angry when they make you responsible for their feelings. But this does not mean that you are responsible for their feelings.

You are responsible for your own intent. When you intend to harm someone, then you are responsible for the results of that. But when you just want to take care of yourself with no intent to harm anyone - such as want some time alone when your partner wants to spend time with you - then you are not responsible for your partner's upset.

Unhealthy guilt comes from telling yourself a lie. When the wounded, programmed critical part of you takes over and tells you that doing what you want with no intent to harm anyone is wrong, that is when you will feel unhealthy guilt. This critical part of you wants to control how others feel about you, and so tells you the lie that you are responsible for others' feelings.

Unhealthy guilt also arises when someone blames you for his or her feelings and you take on the blame. Many people have learned to blame others for their feelings rather than take responsible for their own feelings. When you accept this blame, it is because you want to believe that you can control others' feelings. You will feel unhealthy guilt when you accept blame for others' feelings.

Healthy guilt is an important feeling and leads to positive action, but unhealthy guilt is a waste of energy.

If We All Start Thinking A Certain Way

2009-04-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

by: Laila Siddique

We all want to better ourselves, make a bigger income, buy a bigger house, travel ,learn and be free or better have the financial freedom to make our dreams a reality.

Is it circumstances? is it the place we live? The people that surrounds us? The economic situation we are in ? Are all these factors that can influence our way to success?

I don't know about you but as far as I am concerned till not too long ago I thought my life was sort of "controlled" by the events and situations happening around me.

But then how come there are people that live in a certain place and some are rich and some are poor? How come there are people doing certain jobs and some improve themselves while others get stuck in the same position for ever? How come that there are people that are very very smart and can't find a good job and there are others that are "less" smart and seem to have all the luck of the world?

I know plenty of times when I looked in the past at someone and wondered how come I was working hard, doing the right thing, and still didn't seem to go anywhere and there were friends that were doing much less but seemed to be so fortunate in always achieveing their goals?

Could it be that maybe I was brought up in a certain way, and taught to think and see money as something that unless you work really really hard you can't get it and even when you are working hard just be satisfied with what you have, it is the normal way of life.

I am not here to blame how I was brought up, my mum certainly did the best that she could with me and I love her unconditionally, she didn't have any other way to see money or reality, she had been brought up that way.

So let me get to the point, can we change and start thinking the right way?

I believe that if we have a clear mental picture of the things we want and we hold on to this picture in our thoughts with the fixed purpose to get what we ant and with the unwavering faith that we will get what we want, closing our mind to all that may tend to shake our purpose we will achieve our goals, and live a full , bright and wonderful life.

Think about these words, I did not write them someone else did long long time ago still they are extremly powerfull today , maybe more than ever.

You can be anything you want to be, think it, feel it, do it, believe it's your already and your life will begin to change today.

Love Laila
Desire, believe and expect
http://ismailandlaila.thesgrprogram.com

Ways to Connect and Give Back

2009-04-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

by: Joanna Engelman

Summer is a time to reconnect with people, be outside, take life a little less seriously, and enjoy the warm weather. One of the most precious aspects of being alive is sharing our lives, and connecting to others. Our relationships with friends, family, and co-workers reminds us that we are all connected to each other.

Other people are our mirrors, reminding us of our own humanity,. Even a short exchange with a stranger or acquaintance can brighten our day. It's that connection, love in all its forms, that we all seek and need on a daily basis. The times we begin feeling down or depressed often have to do with dwelling on our own problems, going inward, or feeling isolated and unloved. When we stay connected to others on a regular basis and share positive experiences, there is often less of a tendency to dwell on our own problems. When we look outside of ourselves and focus on others, we really see them. We all are dying to be seen and heard.

Take some time to start finding small ways you can connect more to others. is there a card you've been meaning to send someone you care about to tell them how much you miss and love them? Can you really see the person at work you are talking to, and give them a real compliment on their new hair style or great attitude at work? The difference we can make in another person's life by simply noticing them, is really quite remarkable. It also makes us feel happier and lighter to touch someone else, and takes the focus off of ourselves. We are all in the same world together after all.

A wonderful way to feel more connected, get out of the house, and outside of oneself, is to give back to others. Whether it is talking for one hour a week to an elderly person, helping the sick or homeless, or reading to a child in need, giving back is a wonderful gift.

There are several organizations to volunteer with in New York City. I have listed a few of them below. If you are in another city or state, look on the internet under Volunteer organizations and choose the population you are most interested in working with.

VolunteerNYC.org--has a large listing of many different types of volunteer organizations in the city.

NYcares.org--has a wide range of volunteer opportunities including working with animals, children, and adults throughout the year and on holidays in a wide range of fields

www.NYCgovparks.org--work on volunteer projects outdoors in the parks and cleaning up the environment

Using Positive Affirmations to Achieve Success

2009-04-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

by: Roshawn Hall

Although people do not always realize it, they can often be limited in what they can achieve by mental boundaries. These mental boundaries can in turn be overcome by positive affirmations and affirmation enhancement. When a person is mentally limited, they may find that they are unable to complete a task or goal that they are aiming for. Whether this is career progression, overcoming money problems or even passing a driving test; being able to understand and achieve your full potential can be difficult.

Very few people manage to achieve exactly what they want to in life. Those that manage to achieve everything that they want to tend to be good at entering into a dialogue with their sub-conscious and they also tend to be open-minded as far as their perception of the potential for human-achievement goes. Positive affirmations help people achieve what they want to, and live a more fulfilling life; those that are able to free their mind to the potential for physiological modeling often manage to achieve much more than those who are skeptical from the outset.

While some people may decide that they wish to achieve financial success, others may wish to find love, or re-unite with their family for example. The truth is that everyone has the power within, and the ability to absorb enough power, to achieve their absolute full potential – through using the process of affirmation enhancement coupled with daily affirmation you can achieve exactly what you have set as your goals. While goal setting is important, you should not lose sight of how you enjoy yourself on a daily basis. That is why, with experience, you may start to use your daily affirmations as a means of ensuring that you are able to enjoy yourself on a day-to-day basis, as well as achieving strategic happiness.

As people realize, our goals can often change. One day we may wish that we were able to play an instrument for example, and then as we start to learn how to play it, the fun associated with it can often disappear. This is an example of a gateway to happiness, rather than happiness itself. For example, you may wish to learn to drive; however you only want to be able to drive so that you can work in your dream job that deems that you need a driver’s license. The driver’s license is a gateway, and in fact so is the job – everyone makes goals which they set as a means of achieving happiness. Which begs the question: can you merely affirm towards happiness, rather than the means of getting you there?

The answer is no. Through merely aiming towards your end goal of happiness, rather than the strategy to get you there, you will lose focus on what you enjoy, as well as the trial and tribulation involved in finding true happiness. While happiness is subjective, using affirmations as a means to get there can be the best solution for those with an open mind.

The Science of Getting Rich

2009-04-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

by: Mark R. Khalil

What Happens When 3 Extraordinary Teachers from "the Secret" Come Together to Teach the Science of Getting Rich?

The Science of Getting Rich is a timeless classic written in 1910 by Wallace D. Wattles. It is a bold title for a book and suggests that getting rich is a predictable outcome if one can master the principles outlined in the book. Here is how Wallace D. Wattles puts it in his own words, "The ownership of money and property comes as a result of doing things in a certain way. Those who do things in this certain way, whether on purpose or accidentally, get rich. Those who do not do things in this certain way, no matter how hard they work or how able they are, remain poor. It is a natural law that like causes always produce like effects. Therefore, any man or woman who learns to do things in this certain way will infallibly get rich."

Certainly, this book is well referenced by many of the great teachers today and it is the same book that inspired Rhonda Byrne to produce that runaway success "the Secret". Here is what Rhonda Byrne said on her introductory note to the book, "I can honestly say that, since that first night when a tattered printed manuscript found its way to me (thanks to one of my daughters), my life has never been the same. Once you read it for yourself, you will understand why". Rhonda went on to produce the movie "the Secret" and the best-selling book of the same title which has sold millions of copies worldwide.

However, learning how to do things in that "certain way" as described by Wallace D. Wattles may be more challenging for some as the book was written nearly 100 years ago. Some of the language is a little dated and much of its wisdom lost from a modern day perspective.

Fortunately, a new training seminar for the Science of Getting Rich has brought the wisdom of this timeless classic back to life for modern readers. Called "the Science of Getting Rich", this program is the most comprehensive training system for mastering Wallace D. Wattles wealth creation philosophies and principles since its creation. It comprises written, audio and live seminar formats for learning, applying and mastering the Science of Getting Rich.

A unique "twist" to the program is the fact that it has an in-built vehicle for creating substantial financial wealth through its affiliate program. This is truly a unique wealth eduction and wealth building program designed to empower any individual with the resources to get rich. It is a program whose time has come. The program would not be possible without the original text from Wallace D. Wattles, the skills of leading teachers of our time, the phenomenal success of "the Secret" and the Internet as a learning and distribution tool.

Click here to learn more about the Secret Science of Getting Rich and the details of the program.
http://www.markrkhalil.thesgrprogram.com

The Science of Getting Rich Teachers:

Bob Proctor

Bob Proctor is an author, lecturer, counselor, business consultant, entrepreneur, and teacher preaching the gospel of positive thinking, self-motivation and maximizing human potential. In that endeavor, he follows in the footsteps of such motivational giants as Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale and Wallace D. Wattles.

His extraordinary teaching ability has won Proctor acclaim around the globe and has carried the Canadian-born motivator to the far reaches of the earth. He is as well known in Australia and Malaysia as he is in Alberta and Mississippi.

Born in a little town in northern Ontario, Canada with the low self-esteem that often befalls a family's middle child, he performed poorly in school, dropped out and did a hitch in the navy. Afterward he drifted from one dead-end job to another until a friend introduced Bob to the concept of self-development through Napoleon Hill's classic Think and Grow Rich.

With the spark generated by Hill's words, Proctor found the initiative to start an office cleaning business which he grew to international scope in his first year of operation. From that experience - after seeing what he had been able to accomplish with just a rudimentary knowledge of personal motivation and goal-setting - he hungered for more information.

His quest took him to the Nightingale-Conant organization to study under his mentor, Earl Nightingale. Once on board, he rose swiftly through the ranks. Eventually, while the Nightingale-Conant organization assumed the forefront in wide-scale distribution of personal development programs, Bob felt the need to take his ideas and methods directly to the individual, to the one-on-one level which had proved so successful for himself.

In the mid 1970's, Proctor established his own seminar company and secured a contract to work with a few hundred agents of Prudential Life Insurance Co. of America in Chicago. During his first seminar Bob made the suggestion that any agent present could write $5 million in business that year if the agent made a decision to do so.

The fact that the seminar took place in July with the year half over and that no agent in that region had ever written so much business in the 100-year history of the company made Bob's suggestion appear to be outrageous. However, when the performance level of the entire division increased substantially with more than one agent actually accomplishing the deed, Bob's reputation as a motivator was established.

Over the ensuing years, Proctor has shared his special message and expertise with hundreds of business entities worldwide and, through a program of live seminars, with thousands of people of all ages in all walks of life.

Meanwhile, in addition to his international best-seller You Were Born Rich, he found time to author other works as well, including Mission in Commission, The Winner's Image, The Goal Achiever, The Success Series, The Success Puzzle, The Recruiting Puzzle, and Being Your Very Best.

Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield is an American motivational speaker, trainer and author. He is best known as the founder and co-creator of The New York Times No. 1 best-selling "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book series, which currently has over 65 titles and 80 million copies in print in over 37 languages. According to USA Today, Canfield and his writing partner, Mark Victor Hansen, were the top-selling authors in the United States in 1997.

With a BA from Harvard University, a Masters from University of Massachusetts, and an honorary doctorate from the University of Santa Monica, Canfield has been a high school and university teacher, a workshop facilitator, a psychotherapist, and for the past 30 years, a leading authority in the area of self-esteem and personal development.

Canfield is the founder of "Self Esteem Seminars" in Santa Barbara, and "The Foundation for Self Esteem" in Culver City, California. Self Esteem Seminars trains entrepreneurs, educators, corporate leaders and employees on how to accelerate the achievement of their personal and professional goals, while The Foundation for Self Esteem provides self-esteem resources and trainings to social workers, welfare recipients and human resource professionals. Canfield is also the President of Souperspeakers.com, a speaking resource service that provides inspirational speakers for event planners worldwide.

Canfield has traveled to over 21 countries, delivering hundreds of keynote speeches, workshops and trainings each year. As part of his presentation style, he always uses inspirational, motivational and uplifting stories to help his audiences discover, experience and retain key concepts and approaches. After each session, audiences everywhere had encouraged him to put his stories into a single book.

In 1990, while on an airplane home, he felt that it was time. He shared his idea with author Mark Victor Hansen during breakfast one day. Hansen liked the idea, and so began the Chicken Soup for the Soul phenomenon. But with their busy schedules, translating what worked on the podium onto the written page proved more challenging than either of them had anticipated. After three long years, the two had compiled just sixty-eight stories — a far cry from the 101 they believed was the magic number for a successful book. Nonetheless, their successful partnership has spawned many other titles that have made them enormously famous.

Canfield has appeared on numerous television shows, including Good Morning America, 20/20, Eye to Eye, CNN’s Talk Back Live, PBS and the BBC. Today, he speaks shares his success strategies with companies and associations worldwide.

The most recent book Canfield has written was the 2005 publication of The Success Principles. In it Canfield shares 64 principles that he and other people have utilized to achieve great levels of success.

Please be sure to visit my website for more information on the science of getting rich program and also sign up for the 7 free lessons on the law of attraction!!!

http://www.markrkhalil.thesgrprogram.com

How to Foster a Champion

2009-04-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

by: Karen Kay

Can you think of someone you know who exudes courage? Take a second and picture someone in your mind who is particularly courageous. What do they do that makes them seem like this to you?

A couple of weeks ago, I took on a challenge: I decided that my team would adopt a few contestants in the race for the "Next Internet Millionaire" contest. I found some participants who seemed to have a positive message, then posted in the forum offering to promote them. The response was phenomenal and for the next 5 days, I did everything I could to build them up. I sent emails to my lists and blogs encouraging votes. I set up Squidoo pages for each of them. I even ran a small Google adwords campaign offering free advertisements to my list for those who would send positive comments.

What was interesting in this process was the fact that most of the contestants who wanted my help were not the ones I originally chose. Other participants asked me to add them in, make room for another one, or otherwise gave me good reasons why they were worthy of my help, and for the most part, I agreed. Why did I do this? The answer is simple: because I admired their courage in asking. I could have spent a lot less time overall on the project if I had only promoted the original favorites who responded. Instead, I took on most of those who asked because I felt the act of asking in and of itself showed their strength as a leader...and leaders like to work with other leaders!

Think now of the person or people you thought of at the beginning of this article. Have they ever asked for your help? How do you feel generally when someone asks for your help? For me it is validating. Someone thinks enough of me that my actions will somehow improve their situation. I am certain that at least a few of those who asked for my help did not need it at all. They were extending a hand to me as a way of validating me, lifting me up. They were being a leader.

Asking for help is not an easy thing for many of us to do. I have trouble with it quite often. Pride, fear, or for whatever reason, many of us simply do not like to ask for help. This has to change if we are to make it, especially if we are to lead a team. Showing vulnerability is actually an attractive quality. Why is that? Because people are innately, I believe, born to give. Helpful women, problem-solving men, all want to give. Ask someone for help; give them something of value in return, and you are well on your way to fostering a nice relationship. The leader in you is borne.

Copyright (c) 2007 Karen Kay

Cut The Funk

2009-04-02T13:11:00.001-07:00

by: Zoe Routh

Phew! All this focus on manifesting, wealth and changing your circumstances can be exhausting. Change requires effort, that’s for sure. Sometimes you can just get sick of it all: sick of trying to be happy, focussed, and positive. You’re now in a funk. Ugh. And you know that you need to get out of it because you don’t want to be vibrating ‘funk’. Double ugh.

So how do you get out of your funk when you really just want to wallow in it for a while?

By all means wallow. For a short time. Just don’t stay there. Staying there would really suck. You deserve better than that.

Now that you’re done wallowing, here are some tricks to get you in the flow again.

Give yourself a break. Don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve been working hard at resetting your wealth vibration, using manifestation tools, and turning your life around. It’s time to just enjoy yourself for a bit.

Make a list of 100 things that make you feel good. Yup – a whole 100 things. Then go and do five of them.

Here’s my top 10:

1. Be outside. Breathing in fresh air, looking at a blue sky, and being in nature just feels good.

2. Exercise. Even a few minutes can feel good. Moving the body is so releasing and energising. Stretching is my minimum movement when I can’t be bothered to do anything else. Even that feels good!

3. Clean something. There is just something satisfying about clean surfaces and the gleam of shiny chrome.

4. Pat something furry and cuddly, like a cat, dog, or guinea pig. Caring for something more vulnerable than you is a real heart-melter.

5. Music. Music is all energy vibrations, so it is no wonder it has such a profound effect on mood shifting. I love Norah Jones for relaxing, and ABBA for a boogie.

6. Hug someone. Personal contact is lovely. ‘Nuffsaid.

7. Watch a funny movie. Leslie Nielsen movies (Airplane, Police Academy) are so silly it hurts!

8. Read something inspiring and enjoyable. See my blogJ

9. Smile at someone. Watch how their face totally changes when they smile back. Very, very cool.

10. Say a little thank you for all the good stuff and people in your life.

That’s it. Nothing more to do. Just go out and enjoy.

Lots of love to you

Zoe

How To Develop Into A Better Tomorrow

2009-04-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

by: Mari Taylor

Personal development AKA personal growth comprises the development of the self. Learn how to identify the deferent areas of personal growth and how to use personal development techniques to improve your personal and professional life.

Personal development, also known as personal growth, comprises the development of the self. There are many types of personal development such as inner self, mental growth, physical growth, metaphysical, and spiritual growth to name a few. It also covers many different areas of your life such as personal self, relationships, health, careers, family, financial, and your social circle. Personal development can mean many things to many people that’s why there are thousands of different programs available. It is up to you to find the right one that’s a fit for you and your personal needs.

There are important areas of life that are considered in personal development and growth. Personal development involves growth in all these areas. Intellectual knowledge and learning something knew each day of your life is imperative. Development and growth in this area will stimulate your mind, stretching your thoughts to remain open to new experiences and skills. Develop your true self, your character, spirituality and emotions and you will become able to control your feelings, how you view others and your perceptions of the world around you. Learn to make friends with your self, and your higher power. If a person has no joy in his heart, he will not find joy in his life. This will also enable you to have more desire to improve your physical health. Exercise will not only improve your body’s health, and physical appearance you’ll also feel so much more motivated and mentally relaxed.

You’ll find yourself enjoying, experiencing, and exploring more of your life and engaging yourself into more activities, fun and adventures. Learning to feel better about yourself will also make your family life so much better. Make your life more interesting by doing things you didn’t normally do but have always enjoyed. You will have more energy and motivation to do daily task such as cooking, cleaning, washing, and one of the most important is quality family time. No longer distancing yourself from your family, your family will enjoy the change and will grow closer as well as become proud of your accomplishments. Becoming more in-touch with your personal and intimate relationships you’ll develop and grow more aware of your sensitive side as well as your partners, enabling you to listen more to your partners needs. Your relationship will be so much more enjoyable and fulfilling creating a better social life, friends and develop more long lasting relationships with them. You will learn how to approach people you don’t know. And convey the message you want to send. Your working environment will improve and you will gain more wealth working less. Learn to be more aware of your finances and money management. Financial management is one I think we all are working on.

When ever life acts we respond to it. If something great happens in your life you may be very happy. But on the other hand if something really horrible happens you may be angry , upset or even sad. What ever the reaction is it all depends on you and your attitude. We all chose our feelings and control our attitude fortunately. So that gives us the ability to control our reactions to situations as they arrive. What ever you think about you bring about. If you don’t want negative things in your life change your attitude, change how you think.

Think of and only allow positive thoughts and beliefs into your mind. You will have positive results in your life. Your subconscious mind is being fed with information every second of the day, and you are not even aware of it. You need to change your negative habits to positive habits and learn to take charge of your thoughts, your feelings and emotions. Think positive, peaceful and prosperity thoughts. And your life will grow so wonderfully and you will regain true happiness and prosperity in your life. Personal development is a daily personal growth exercise that allows you to enjoy life. I hope you enjoy yours, as I enjoy mine. I used to be extremely depressed and my life was miserable. I began an incredible personal development program, now my life is incredible, my family life, personal life, spiritually, physically, emotional, financial, it’s all great; I have grown in so many ways. I now do the things I used to love but had lost all interest in. I have bigger and better goals and dreams, I get to travel and just enjoy my life without limitation. My personal development is better than what I thought possible. I have learned how to enjoy my life to the fullest and I’m so much happier. You have the opportunity to find out whats possible for you.

Listening and The Law of Attraction

2009-03-31T10:49:00.001-07:00

by: Kat McCarty

There are so many different potential applications to the Law of Attraction that one could easily get confused and even lost in all of that potential. Experimentation is the most fruitful method of learning to apply anything and especially the Law of Attraction.

One area of interest to me is in how our listening affects that which we attract to ourselves. I define listening as something heard, felt, read or observed. We can listen to our surroundings by observing, listen to someone speaking by hearing them, listen to a writer by reading what they’ve written or listen to ourselves by being aware of how we feel. There are many more examples, can you name a few?

Most people believe that listening is a very passive action however; my experiments have shown me that it is something quite different. Listening is a dynamic action and when we do it deliberately we affect how we experience our lives in a profound way.

Most of us are quite rational in our thinking so a little proof might be in order. Try this: The next two people you come across in your day listen to them deliberately. When you encounter the first person, make a conscious decision to listen to them as though they are the world’s greatest leader. Take just a second or two and imagine how you would feel if you were talking to a world leader. Then listen to that person and pay attention to how you hear what they say. Is it different then how you usually hear them?

When person number 2 shows up, make the conscious choice to listen to them as though they are the funniest person you have ever met, taking a few seconds to imagine laughing a belly laugh. Now pay attention to how you hear what that person says. The expectation that person number 2 will be funny should provide for a few good laughs.

Assuming your little experiment was successful (and if it wasn’t just keep repeating it, it may take a little practice) imagine for a minute what might change around your house if you started listening to your teenager or spouse differently.

It’s also useful to remember this when you are out and about in the world. Often times people wait in line at the customer serve desk anticipating that the clerk on the other side of the desk will be distant and not very helpful. Well guess what happens when they get to the clerk?

How we listen to people is just as much an intention as anything else. And often we decide how to listen to people (or our environment, ourselves or a writer) out of habit. If a child is normally mouthy, as soon as he begins to speak most of us would just fall into our habit of listening to him as a disrespectful kid. What would happen if we listened to that same child as if he were brilliant, or gentle or full of creativity?

We can attract the behavior we want from others; we just have to make the choice to listen to them differently. It is the most allowing place we can be when we hear people in a way that they don’t normally show up.

Want to change the world? Try listening to it differently!

Communicate Clearly to Connect

2009-03-31T10:46:00.000-07:00

by: Sue Currie

Do you ever wonder "what to say" when you head off to a networking event or a client meeting? Do you think it's easier to write an email rather than pick up the phone and have a real conversation? Well you're not alone. When we're busy working at our computers all day, generally alone, it's easy to lose the knack of easy conversation. Let's face it, the cat really isn't that interested in what you have to say. Take a few moments to read a few tips to get talking again…

As a fan of the TV show The West Wing; I watched with interest and amusement the "grooming" of the character Toby Ziegler from Communications Director to White House Press Secretary. In addressing the media his assistant constantly reminded him to use the communication skills of wooing a woman. To be "witty and seductive."

In winning over our clients or the media perhaps we don't need to go that far but is does pay to put some "personality" into your customer communication.

For many of us we're busy constantly setting up appointments, meeting new clients, networking and making connections with a number of new people. We are engaged with our personal and professional PR – communicating who we are, what we do and how we make a difference. Therefore we need to ensure each meeting or contact counts.

Effective communication is important when building relationships with clients, customers and the media. A stimulating conversation or well-told story may be the most interesting part of a meeting, presentation or media interview. Even witty small talk with a potential client can evolve into a new business deal or project. Here is a few conversation pointers to keep in mind when meeting or networking.

1. A good business introduction includes your first and last name and the name of your company.

2. Always introduce yourself to those sitting next to you at a business dinner. If possible, meet everyone at your table before you sit down. Sit next to someone you don't know rather than someone you do know.

3. When introducing your guest or another person at a function, mention both first and last names and perhaps an interesting item of information about that person.

4. Before going to an event, business or social, be prepared to discuss items of current interest including books, films, television shows, or current events.

5. You can find your next conversation starter by reading at least one daily newspaper, weekly news magazine, or watching a morning news show.

6. Take the time to get to know others first. People don't care about you and what you do until they know you care about them. Build relationships and trust first.

7. Beware of being a pushy promoter. We're often so passionate and excited about our business or latest project that we talk too much and over sell ourselves.

8. Listen closely and think before you speak. Don't interrupt, let the other person finish their thought before you give your opinion. Learn to do 80 percent of the listening and just 20 percent of the talking.

9. Listen attentively, smile and make good eye contact.

10. Practice the five words that help create and maintain small talk conversation Who, What, When, Where and Why to form open-ended questions.

Loving Money Attracts More Of It Into Your Life

2009-03-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

by: Enoch Tan

To be in vibrational resonance with money, you have to love it. If you fear money or do not love it, you will repel it away from you. By thinking thoughts such as you should not love money or feel desire for it, you are causing vibrational dissonance between your subconscious mind and money. By loving money and being comfortable around it like it is your good friend, you free yourself to have money and have it more abundantly.

We have been taught that the love of money is the root of all evil. Therefore we think that it is wrong to love money. But that is one of the biggest errors the world has ever made about understanding money. The truth is, the love of money is not evil. It is only the root of evil. The love of anything can be the root of evil. People have done all kinds of evil for love. Love is not evil. It is when people love with ignorance that results in evil. Loving with awareness only results in good.

When you love money, it can be the root of all good or all evil. Remember that all truth are half truths. The glass can be half empty or half full. One perspective is only half the truth. When you can see things one way as well as the opposite, you have full perspective and total truth. When you love money, that love is the root that can grow into that which is good or evil. Loving money with awareness leads to all good whereas loving money with ignorance leads to all evil.

Observe of the way you behave around money. Notice your thoughts and feelings when you are dealing with it. Do you try to handle it discreetly as though you are almost ashamed of it? Do you find it awkward when you talk about any subject that involves money? Do you try to think as little about it as possible as you quickly pass it to the person you are buying something from, or taking it and putting it away hurriedly as if the longer it stays in sight, the more unacceptable it feels?

All of such behaviors and attitudes shows how you really are towards money. You have an unconscious dislike towards money. You may have all the conscious thoughts about how good it is to have money and believing that you are wealthy, but if you are acting like this towards money, you are creating resistance which prevents money from flowing freely to you. This awareness will open your eyes to your relationship with money and free you from unwittingly repelling it.

Wealth is a state of being. Having wealth begins with being wealth. When you are wealth, you are one with everything that is wealth. To be one with something is to love it, accept it, embrace it and be completely comfortable with it. Money being a form of energy that facilitates enjoyment and providence is a form of wealth. Therefore to be wealth is to be one with money and to love it, accept it, embrace it and be completely comfortable with it. Money moves to the one who loves it the most!

Take out some bills from your wallet and hold it in your hands. Look at it and just be with it. Say to yourself that you love money and money loves you. Feel good about it and feel the love for it. Do the same with your credit cards, your jewelries, your checks, your back account statement, and things that represent money. See all these things not as separated from you, but they are all extensions of your being. The more you love money and are at one with it, the more you attract it into your life.

Treat money with respect and appreciation. When you pass money to someone, do not just chuck it in their hands as if it were a bunch of papers. Hand it over to them as though you were presenting a sword with both hands to a worthy knight. When you receive money, do not take it as though you were grabbing a bunch of dirt and putting it away as if you are trying to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Take your money with appreciation and handle it comfortably as though it is your favorite pen.

Anytime you see money come into your life such as when you see commissions from sales or gifts from people, love it, welcome it and feel that it loves coming to you. Have the attitude that people love to give money for what you have to offer, and share it willingly and happily with you. Anytime you spend money to get what you desire, do it happily and willingly. Whenever you give money to loved ones or charity, handle your money comfortably and give it as though you are giving your love.

Loving money unites you with it. Fearing money separates you from it. We have an unconscious fear for something when we keep distancing ourselves from it and see it as separate from us. We have an unconscious love for something when we keep being near or around it and see it as a part of us. Allow yourself to identify with money and see your money as you. But when money goes away from you, do not think of yourself as any lesser because to love perfectly is to love freely without attachment.

Love material things in the material world as well. Love your house, your car, your toys, your clothes, your looks, your body and all your material possessions. Feel good about them and see them as all extensions of yourself. Be unashamed to show your money or your material possessions to others. In heaven everyone shows off the beauties of their creation to one another proudly and joyfully. Material things and spiritual things are the same because they are all energy of the source which is God.

People who see themselves as good but see money as evil repel money away from them. People who see themselves as evil but see money as meant for good people, repel money. People who see themselves as good and see money as good attract money to themselves. People who see themselves as evil and see money as evil also attract money to themselves. It is all about being in vibrational resonance by seeing you and money are of the same kind which draws it to you.

Tragedy on the 4th of July and What I Learned

2009-03-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

by: Darlene Braden

Helplessness is one of the most difficult emotions to sort through and understand. Fear and anger seem to have a more tangible conclusion and remedy, but helplessness goes deep into the meaning of life and attempts to destruct the soul, manifesting as self-sabotage.

I lived through a helpless tragedy last night, the eve of the 4th of July 2007. At about 11:30 PM the phone rang and I immediately wondered who would be calling so late. My caller ID said it was from Kathy, my good friend and neighbor, and I anxiously answered the phone. Kathy said, “Have you looked outside?” I said that I was in my office checking email and filing some client files. She said, “The whole neighborhood is in your yard because the entire mountain is on fire.” My husband and I ran outside to see a blaze that was as big as a crater about 30 acres wide, overtaking the slope.

As mentioned in my “What Stops You?” book, I live at about 5000 elevated feet across the frontage road from jutting mountains that ascend to about 7000 feet on the front peak and 8000 on the back peak. My favorite place in the world is on my swing on my back patio that sets my gaze directly upon the jagged rocks of the mountain’s face. The trees in my yard frame the portrait perfectly for a magnificent breathtaking experience. It is often my place of refuge and inspiration to write my books.

My mountain on fire? My mountain being destroyed? My view being tormented to ashes and coal? As we watched the scenario unfold from our side yard, the hubbub and mayhem escalated; fire engines, sirens, cops, flashlights, and onlooker’s panic. I realized that all my neighbors considered that mountain theirs as well. “We live here and pay the mortgage for that view!” they said. My heart sank. My piece of pleasure, my treat at the end of the day, my serene scene being engulfed as I stood there; nothing I could do.

There was talk of evacuation for the nearby houses. What would I take? My kids were out and about, not at home so they were OK. My favorite dog died a few months ago and he was not there… I would take my pictures and my computer. Should I run in and gather or should I act as relaxed and entertained as the teenagers standing around saying, “Cool.”

Inside my heart, sadness took over. 55 firefighters started the war against the heat and rage. Because it was so late, the helicopters with water were going to come in the morning. The morning? What? The whole mountain will be gone by then. Looking up, we saw brave firemen climbing and scaling the hill with shovels, flashlights and courage. They were excellently trained to dig a trench along the bottom edge to create a fire wall. Finally our homes were out of danger, but the torch continued up and over the peak only to ravish the other side into the gully.

It is now 7:30 PM on July 4th. Almost 25 hours later, I still hear helicopters carrying water from a man-made pool that the fighters created, that held water for their huge baskets to carry over the hill. The smoke is dissipating and the frenzy is completing; only a smoldering site remains. It will take 2 years to start to mend and 5 years to display a green view again.

As my husband and I walked back inside, I started to wilt. “Why do the things I love most, the simple things that bring me pleasure get taken away? Since my dog was killed, who was also a great treat to me at the end of the day, my mind has not been as nimble and I begin to fall into thinking patterns that are limiting. My husband said, “Honey, what stories are you writing in your mind?” Alas, again a family member slaps me back into reality; back to no nonsense and back to remembering that I wrote a book about thinking strategies. I well know and teach that depression comes from focusing on things we don’t have instead of what we do have. I know that what we focus on we give power to. I know that we are limited by looking at something in only one way and stepping back causes a greater perspective of wisdom. I know that it is not what happens to us that causes our problems; it’s how we think about what happens that causes our problems.

Now I sit alone on my swing, without my little dog Beau by my side, looking at a charred scene. All of a sudden I magically begin to see the whole landscape behind the first hill; the second mountain rising. Hmm, I had always focused on the front ridge. I begin to see things I hadn’t noticed before. I then realize that God is with me even though my dog isn’t. My family supports me and you are all my friends. I am indeed not alone. It is not just positive thinking that pulls me out of my despair; it is looking at the same problem from a different angle. Thanks to my maneuverable brain, I can find joy in any situation. I find myself in the present moment with my health, a good BBQ’d steak in my belly and passion for tomorrow’s adventures. I have decided to choose the life I want and live the life I choose. On occasion it is OK to cry, yet as future sunsets glare on my mountain for years to come, it will remind me that I have choice to see beyond the dark colors and past what seems to be obvious. Opportunity awaits all of us, by overcoming self-sabotage deep inside our minds.

Power to you in your tragedies and sorrow, power to you in finding that “choice of thoughts and actions” are the most powerful gifts we have been given in this life.

Cheers,
Darlene

My gift to you; receive your FREE** copy of “Create the Life You Want, using the Power of the Balance Living Wheel” By Darlene Braden at: http://www.whatstopsyou.com/create-the-life.html

The Power of Your Intentions!

2009-03-27T00:09:00.001-07:00

by: Judith A. Wentzel

By now, unless you have been living fairly shut off from the world, chances are that you have heard about “The Secret” or the Law of Attraction.

Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not, just like the law of gravity, it is at work in your life 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You are constantly using law of attraction. You are attracting all that appears and has appeared into your life. If you desire the ability to take control of your life, then understanding how to use this natural law of nature is your key to doing just that.

As a certified Law of Attraction practitioner, I not only use the Law of Attraction in my life and business on a daily basis, but I also teach my clients how to harness its powers to achieve their goals as well. Creating intentions is one of the more powerful tools I use when it comes to attracting.

According to the Law of Attraction, whatever we give our attention, energy and focus to, we will attract into our lives, whether wanted or unwanted.

Wow! That is quite a powerful statement and one that is very true. If you focus on negative things such as debt, lack of customers, or a slow business, you will continue to experience these things. On the other hand, if you focus on those things you wish to achieve such as greater income, more customers, increased sales, you will attract these into your life. Realtors can continue to enjoy listing and selling regardless of the local real estate market conditions if they focus on their goals and not the market.

But let’s concentrate our attention on the subject of our focus – or our intention, if you will.

Intentions can be powerful tools when it comes to using the Law of Attraction. Many people fail to manifest their desires and become frustrated when they continue to experience lack in their life or business. Chances are, they have been focusing on simply a “want” without any real substance behind it which can result in their experiencing a “ho hum” feeling when they think about their “wants”.

If you want to add some real gusto to your manifesting, try this little exercise.

List four desires you are currently attempting to bring into your life. Next, beneath each desire, list four reasons why you desire it.

By doing this, you not only justify your desire, but you also begin to create an intention. You are now ready to tell the universe just exactly what you desire and why!

Now, simply read off the first item on your list, using the words “I intend to have….” or “I intend to make…” and then insert your desires. Now add the reasons you listed beneath the desire.

For example, you may desire to earn $10,000 or more each month. Your intention, along with the reasons you desire it, might look something like this:

“I intend to earn $10,000 or more each month”
….. so I may buy a second home
….so I can have financial freedom
….so that I may establish a scholarship
…..so I can expand my business and easily hire the help I want

Notice the difference in the way you FEEEEEL when you state your intentions.

It’s your feelings that will create the magnetism to attract your desires. That’s the key to Law of Attraction in a nutshell. The way you feel is the way you attract!

Try rewording some of your desires this way and include four reasons why you want each desire.

The powerful feelings you generate with your intentions will make all the difference in how you attract those things your truly desire.

Good luck and good attracting!

How To Stop The Inner Critic

2009-03-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

by: Colin Gary Smith

Let's face it, from time to time, most of us suffer from critical inner voices. The fact is we often use self talk throughout the day so wouldn't it be great if we could learn a way to transform the annoying internal voices into something more effective.

One of the first useful things to keep in mind is that even if the voice has bad tonality and says caustic things to you, at some level it has something of value for you in mind.

The way you speak to yourself has been rehearsed and then become an automatic habit. This is good news because it suggests you can re-learn and create a more beneficial habit. I'm guessing you've probably tried changing one of those voices by trying to talk to it. Maybe asking it to be a bit more patient or sternly telling it to shut the hell up! This can work but there is a more elegant way that gets better results more often.

If you were to think of one of your annoying internal voices now, just become aware of where it is located in space. You know, is it behind your head, to the left or to the right? And just become aware of how it speaks to you. How does it sound? What are the qualities of the voice? Is it fast speech or slow? Is it a deep voice? How loud is it? By becoming aware of these qualities you discover the structure. This is what holds the thought pattern together; the glue. The fun part comes next when we interupt the pattern and sabotage it! Melting the glue in essence. Have a go with the following quick little technique that utilises the Half Second Rule in order to get the change to stick.

Voice Recorder Rewind Button

1. Select one of those annoying internal voices one last time.

2. Now hear it play backwards like the rewind on a cassette.

3. Try it fast and try it slow. And then hear it backwards, really fast, in less than 1/2 a second. Do it three times.

4. Now replace that backwards voice with a new positive message with a nice, sexy, 'bed room voice' tonality.

Thought processes such as internal voices can be changed easily and quickly when we know how. By interrupting the pattern and changing the structure, our mind becomes able to access more resources, thereby making us feel better, allowing more behavioural choice.

The Leader In You

2009-03-27T00:03:00.000-07:00

by: Sarah Liddle

The unsung Hero

I believe the world is full of leaders that go unrecognized.

I am sure you have met someone, or currently have someone in your life that does so much good for others and possibly the community but they go unrecognized.

I believe this is the true nature of a leader

The person that does not think he is a leader, or has leadership traits but the person that goes about their daily life letting go of what others think of them. They live their life with one intention, to leave the world knowing that they have made it a better place. No matter how small.

Just think about that for a second. Do you like to receive recognition and praise for something you have done? If you are like most you will think “Heck YES!” But isn’t it in the times that you don’t get recognition and silently do something super superb for someone else that makes you feel on top of the world because you silently made a difference which gave you an inner feeling of warmth, beauty and serenity. And this warm feeling was something you personally inwardly cherished because know one knew of this good deed you done.

So who in your life makes a difference and goes unrecognized? Just think about it now, do you follow a leader that believes he is a leader. Or are you going to follow the leader who doesn’t care if he is called a leader or a follower he/she is just happy making the world a little better regardless of whether they receive praise or criticism.

Keep your eyes and ears open for the unsung hero’s that pass through your life. The person that does something out of good, that does not want recognition is someone that I believe is an unsung hero. They are what silently are making the world a little better. God bless you, Much love Sarah.

The Law Of Attraction Is Working In Your Life Right Now

2009-03-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

by: Emma Martin

Whether you realize it or not, the Law of Attraction is already working actively in your life right at this moment. The events, opportunities and experiences you are experiencing today were set into motion by the thoughts and actions you‘ve taken previously.

The secret to the Law of Attraction is really about realizing that this law is already active in your life and deciding that you want to deliberately attract things into your life consciously rather than leaving it to the vagaries of your subconscious. This is going to take some effort on your part and if you are trapped in a negative spiral, it is probably going to take a great deal of work to change the patterns of your thinking. You’ll need to monitor your emotions in particular, because it is your emotional state that gives you the clues to the kinds of things your thoughts are attracting to you. With practice, this monitoring will become more routine and you’ll be able to let the negative thoughts go lightly while you move your focus onto the positive.

One of the main differences between the writers of the early 20th century and those who write about the Law of Attraction today is the emphasis on just how much work you need to put into consciously working with it. Many of the new breed of writers suggest that it is easy and that merely thinking about what you want for 20 minutes a day and putting together a vision board or two will get you on the road to prosperity and abundance.

The early New Thought writers such as Wallace Wattles, on the other hand, suggest that you need to do a lot of work and must deliberately take charge of what you are attracting into your life throughout your every waking moment. In the words of Wallace Wattles, echoing a common phrase in Christian mysticism, you need to "pray without ceasing". In my opinion, this the correct course to take. Put a lot of work into the Law of Attraction and reap the large rewards. Or put a little work into it and watch the rewards trickle into your life. It's your decision. Reap what you sow.

The Magic of Love

2009-03-24T06:14:00.001-07:00

by: Helene Rothschild

Would you like to receive the magic of love? Are you willing to give it? Try this: For one day, consciously make an effort to be loving or kind to everyone you see, with no expectations of receiving anything in return.

For example, compliment, acknowledge, or smile at people at work, home, on the street, and in the stores. Notice how you feel at the end of the day. Your heart will probably feel warmer and bigger. The loving action can make their day as well as yours. It is likely that the people you touch with the magic of love will pass it on to others. You will never know for sure how many people's lives you have touched with these simple, free, kind acts. Just trust that you are making a difference.

It worked for my client Jerry, a thirty-six-year-old computer engineer. He was surprised when I suggested that he try the experiment. The lonely, single man was complaining to me that people are so mean and nasty. Obviously, Jerry had low self-esteem and poor relationship skills.

I said, "Jerry, are you willing to go to work tomorrow with a smile, and acknowledge and compliment people? I do not mean to make up remarks. Just look for something true and positive to say to your boss and co-workers. Notice how you feel and how they respond."

The following week, Jerry walked into my office with a smile on his face. That was the first time I saw that happy expression since his first counseling session. As soon as he sat down, Jerry exclaimed, "It worked, Helene! It was amazing! I did what you suggested and everyone responded back in a positive way. The whole office felt different, and now I look forward to going to work. That is a miracle!"

I congratulated Jerry for offering the magic of love, and acknowledged his courage and progress. This seemed to be a turning point in his life. I continued to help him feel good about himself with the HART process (Holistic And Rapid Transformation), and improve his communication skills. Before long, he started to date and enjoy social activities.

I have also had great success with the magic of love. When I lived in the country, I used to take regular walks on the dirt road. I smiled and thought the words "Bless you" as I waved at every car that drove by. Almost everyone responded by sending me back a warm smile and wave. It felt so good to spread caring. What a wonderful world this would be if everyone realized the importance of and took the time to spread the magic of love.

Self Esteem

2009-03-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

by: Maureen Shaw

A speaker once started off a seminar by asking a room full of 200 entry level marketers which one of them wanted a crisp $100 bill.

Everywhere in the room, hands went up. He said, “I’m going to give this $100 bill to one of you but first let me do this.” He then crumpled up the note. He asked, “Who still wants it?” Everyone again put up a hand.

So he said, “Ok, what if I do this?” He then dropped it on the ground and began grinding it with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty and said, “Ok, now who still wants it?

Again, all the hands went up. The speaker smiled.

“My friends, you have all learned a valuable lesson today. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It is still worth $100.”

Many times in our lives we are crumpled, dropped and feel like we’ve been ground into the dirt by decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

No matter what has happened or what WILL happen, you will never ever lose your value. You are special. Don’t ever forget that. Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams.

If you’re holding back from entering a new relationship because you feel wrung out by a previous one, think about what you just read and know that you have value and that value will never diminish. You might have lost out on a former partner but there’s a better one waiting for you; you just have to take the first step to look.

Procrastination Kills, Kill Procrastination

2009-03-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

by: Adebola Oni

In the fight against malaria, some television adverts were launched and they all ended with the same message: "mosquito kills, kill mosquito!" In my own fight against a destroyer of destinies, I will also want to adopt the same theme.

Procrastination has destroyed so many people with great potentials. It has made the grave the richest place on earth all because by procrastinating; so many people have died without utilizing the huge potentials within them.

So many people are living lives of quiet desperation not because the do not know what to do but because they have put forward what they were supposed to do, far too much. They have procrastinated on what they were supposed to have done in order for them to achieve their dreams and by so doing have not being able to achieve much in their lives.

Procrastination, if not dealt with, is going to cause so many damages in the lives of so many people. People that do not act on their dreams are in no way different from people that have no dreams. They all end up with the same result in their lives and that is retrogression. I am sure you don't want this to be your lot.

The only known antidote to procrastination is ACTION. When there is something to be done, all you need to do, is to follow Nike's advice: JUST DO IT! When you act on your dreams, procrastination dies and it has no root within you.

Without action, nothing can be achieved and by acting, there is so much to be gained. I wonder if the technological advancements we are witnessing today would have being possible if those that conceived their ideas had procrastinated.

I believe you can achieve so much in your life if you begin to do what you are supposed to do NOW. Make yourself a person of ABSOLUTE action and in the nearest future, your dreams will become a reality.

Remember: PROCRASTINATION KILLS, KILL PROCRASTINATION!

This is to your success as you become a person of absolute action.

Adebola A. Oni

Helping You Memorize With Mnemonics

2009-03-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

by: Shareen Aguilar

Forgot something lately? You probably want to rev up on your memorization approach. There are a lot of memorization methods available today and all you have to do is just choose what you think suits you best. Consider trying more than one memorization technique on your pursuit to improving and enhancing your memorization skill and you’ll surely feel a lot better after putting the technique to practice.

Mnemonics is a memorization tool which teaches you how to keep up with the important things that you need to remember or the errands that you need to do. You’ll notice that learning memorization technique such as peg method, loci or journey system and even the linkword technique; just a few to mention the different classifications of mnemonics, could noticeably change the way you’re able to retain information.

But even then, there is no perfect way to maximum memorization skills. It takes a lot of time, effort, motivation and interest for a person to be able to achieve something. And with memorization, the mentioned four are all important. This doesn’t even include yet the special skills like creativity and imagination. If you try to think about it, all of the factors mentioned here, especially the memorization skills are all part of the big picture – enhancing memorization.

Even experts suggests that in order for a person to remember better is for him to take initiative in reading, reflecting about what he has read, reciting it out loud and reviewing it afterwards to complete the process of remembering efficiently. Prior to that, a general view of what you need to memorize (e.i a law book) then backing it up with questions you could possibly ask along the way helps establish an even concrete studying goal.

After this stage, you can then choose a mnemonic technique you desire to help you create a connection of what you have just absorbed according to your own familiarities. You may perceive this to be a lot of work but with constant practice, you’d be picking out important names, words and dates out of your head in no time.

Why Be Normal?

2009-03-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

by: Grace L. Judson

When you think about it, it's pretty funny, the things that we'll do to be what our society considers normal. Just look at any band of teenagers in a shopping mall or outside a high school, and you'll see the lengths to which we humans will go to fit in with the group's definition of normal.

As adults, we continue relying on those conformity skills to fit in with our chosen crowd. Almost every group has its normal behaviors clearly defined: we can all identify computer geeks, soccer moms, aging hippies, golfers, and many other groups simply based on their behavioral attributes. I'm sure you belong to a number of groups whose characteristics you've adopted almost unconsciously.

Fitting in with a group is a good thing. It gives us a sense of belonging, identity, and security, and it establishes group-specific expectations of how each individual will act and respond to others in the group. In this way, it reduces misunderstandings and the social gyrations otherwise necessary to establish who you are and how you will behave. So members of a networking group have a mutual understanding that they will provide business opportunities to each other – and those in the group who violate this defined normal behavior will find themselves outcast or ostracized.

But at the same time, the pressure to be normal can be distressingly, painfully limiting due to our natural desire to retain that group identity, security, and safety. It squelches personal expression and creativity and smothers the urge to accomplish the extraordinary.

When was the last time you pointed to someone and said, "Wow, that person is so normal – I'd like to be just like that!" Instead, consider the heroes you admire and respect, whether they be political, religious, athletic, or in some other walk of life. Nelson Mandela; Mother Theresa; Gandhi; Tiger Woods – to name a very few – are these people normal!?

We all have the ability and opportunity to act in ways that are not normal, ways that expand our horizons and enhance our lives and the lives of others. It's usually fear that stops us: fear of stepping outside the defined normal conduct of our group, of being thought "weird" or – well, yes, abnormal. But it's by doing the unusual and the extraordinary that we can surprise ourselves by being more of who we are instead of less.

I invite you, therefore, to do something wonderfully not normal. Take a small step, even a baby step, outside your comfortable boundaries and explore the possibilities. Then think about how it felt, and how you plan to keep extending yourself into the abnormality of excellence.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain, 19th Century US author

Alternatives to Speed

2009-03-20T23:16:00.002-07:00

Self Improvement by: Mike Scantlebury

Picture the scene. I'm driving sedately in my family car across the desolate moors of Derbyshire, in particular the High Peak area of North West England, the far side of Macclesfield. It's a long, fairly straight road, but there are some vicious bends in it, and if you take them too fast you can end up in the ditch, your car a write-off. Maybe that's why some sections of the road have a 50 miles per hour speed limit. It's known as a dangerous place to drive, and also fairly renowned for having more than its fair share of motorbike traffic. (It seems the 'Easy Riders' like the twists and turns and enjoy the risk. They're asked not to: there are posters at intervals along the road warning them to slow down. They regularly ignore the injunctions. So motor bike riders regularly crash, especially in wet weather.)

This day I'm talking about is fortunately dry. I'm keeping up a good speed, but well within the limit. I don't want to dawdle, because I know that it can annoy those people following. Sure enough, that day, there is a car a few metres behind me, pressing hard, trying to get past. He seems in a bit of a hurry, so, as I want to be helpful, I go as fast as I can (or, strictly speaking, as fast as we are both allowed). He doesn't care about that, he just wants to get ahead. Not surprisingly, he seizes the first chance he can get. As we come down round a bend, he swings out and hammers past me, his engine racing. He didn't judge it very well. The road ahead seemed clear for a while, but a car comes round the bend ahead of us, and my overtaker has to pull in abruptly in order to avoid a collision.

Firstly, he took a chance, an unnecessary risk, simply in order to get ahead. It doesn't help his journey. A mile further on is a junction and I caught him up there. Slightly further on are traffic lights, and he was forced to stop there too. So, simply because he didn't like his position on the road – behind me – he put all our lives at risk. If he had crashed his car, it might have caused me to come off the road too, plus the people in the car coming towards us. The slightest misjudgement could have been fatal. Being in pole position didn't speed up his journey because it's such a winding road that he couldn't build up enough speed to really get ahead of me. That was a mistake.

Still, let's be fair. He had a car that looked impressive. It was more modern than mine, and made all the right noises. Surely he was entitled to race it? Not if his bad driving put our lives at risk. Second, not if he broke the law, i.e. the speed limits, which were clearly marked and surely there for all our sakes. Anyway, let's think about that. Do we know it was his car? It might have belonged to his employer. Would his boss have encouraged him to hammer his vehicle, knowing it would shorten the serviceable life of the car? What if – more likely – the car belonged to the bank? Yes, we don't like to think about it, but it's a fact that when we 'buy' things on credit then they don't actually belong to us, not until they're paid off. 'His' car might be yet another consumer possession that the man was able to use, but hadn't quite paid for yet – and therefore didn't actually own.

Fourthly, why was he in such a hurry anyway? Now, his employer might be involved at this stage. Maybe he had given the man orders about being at such-and-such a place, to meet a certain person at such a time. Me, I was ambling along because it was early afternoon. I had fulfilled my appointments for the day and was heading home. (The joys of self-employment!) So, our 'boy racer', in his brand new car, isn't a person to be envied all that much, if his time is not his own, and he is 'racing' to perform business that won't actually make him rich and is someone else's priority.

What a disappointment! I may be guessing, but I think that young man in his shiny car was pretty full of himself. He was gunning the engine and assuming that other drivers were envying him, his flash motor and his fast-paced lifestyle. He would be horrified to hear that observers were, in reality, feeling sorry for him, the stresses placed upon him and the way he was wasting his time and energy. Sound familiar? How many of us want to be admired? There's an obvious way to get that. Just go out and do something worthwhile. It might be difficult, of course. But don't expect that you can take the easy way out and simply show off your glossy possessions for the populace in order to earn their admiration automatically. Their pity, maybe, but driving fast cars recklessly, as part of a non-stop, busy lifestyle, is simply a sign of bad time-keeping. Nothing to admire there.

Avoiding Procrastination

2009-03-20T23:16:00.001-07:00

Self Improvement by: Deidre King

Are you like me - need to or even want to do something but can’t get started? Would you like a foolproof method for getting things done? Try this, it works for me!

Write yourself a list for the day. Don’t be put off by this idea, thinking that lists are too restricting, that you don’t want to be so disciplined. Lists are meant to be an aid, a guidance to allow you to get the most out of your time – to do the things you want to as well as those you must.

Back to the list: start by writing down all the things that you must, need or want to do. Mark the items that really must be done with an ‘A’, the items that need to be done bu t could be put off with a ‘B’ and the rest – things that you want to do but aren’t all that necessary – with a ‘C’.

The secret is to do a mix of things so that you end the day with a feeling of satisfaction, of achievement and pleasure.

The next stage is to plan your day. Plan to carry out ‘A’ items at your optimum working time and reward yourself by following with a small treat – a ‘C’ item, a coffee break or a piece of chocolate, etc. Intersperse ‘A’ items with ‘B’ items as much as time allows, at the same time ensuring that all your ‘A’ items can be completed.

A lot of time is wasted in dread – dread of actually getting down to the ‘A’ item that you might not want to do, haven’t the correct tools for or just think is too difficult. If this is the case, set a short time span for it, say 30 minutes, and just start. After 30mins stop. Don’t feel guilty if you then do something else. You will find that the fear has gone and that you can continue with the item at the next planned time. You might also find that the job was easier than you thought and a little more time will finish it. Go ahead!

If you get bored easily, this method of only allowing yourself a short time for any task and then returning to it later is very useful. However, you will get more satisfaction if items are completed and you can start the next without looking back.

The most important thing is to get started and then keep up the planning until the projects are completed.

Is Finding Your Life Purpose Preventing You From Living It?

2009-03-20T23:15:00.001-07:00

Self Improvement by: Lauren Gorgo

Lately I have been getting a lot of requests for assistance in the area of "life-missions" and soul purposes, and I wish to communicate this concept, based on the feed I receive, but more importantly from a grounded and comprehensive 3d perspective. From my experience, this idea of a life-mission or purpose seems to be the one thing that holds most people back from self-actualization. From my experience, it seems that this is where people get stuck and remain dormant in their lives, mainly because of mere indecision and lack of clarity...of which {soul-purpose} is more often a process of integration, rather than a sudden revelation.

I would like to clarify that this concept of a life-mission, is no more or less than the one thing that you are doing in this now moment, every moment, that brings you unprecedented and timeless joy. It is your essence... the expression of yourself that brings you into alignment with the timeless/formless and the space of the eternal. For some, this is nothing more that having a good talk with a friend in need. For others it is growing and sharing organic vegetables with your neighbors, and for many more it is the love and nutrition you provide for your family each day.

Yet for some, this mission could be the sudden revelation that you receive as an inventor or scientist, or the inspiration to produce a documentary or film. Most probably though, this elusive life-mission is something you are already doing or being, it is the part of you that is natural and the part of you that you love to share. Sometimes its a hobby, sometimes its a living, but we can often make it much harder to notice by constantly searching for it. Perhaps this searching begets more searching...

Are we missing the point of the messages from the many masters of our time which is that our only purpose is to find and emit joy, whatever that means to each of us? We all have an individual signature expression of such, and it is only in that expression that we are evolving and lifting our vibration to the realms of our soul-u-lar truth and expansion. From my experience, soul-purpose is nothing more than who we always are... only we learn to engage it, trust it, and expand it as we grow into spiritual maturity. As we do this, we focus on this once small part of our lives until it merges into a continual expression of self. When we have grounded our truth (self expression) into our everyday reality, only then are we whole again...being who we chose to be in the first place, without distraction.

So then, it can be said that our life-purpose is in this now moment, not based in some future concept or alternate universe. It is the small things that we incorporate into our lives, the big things that we eliminate because they no longer serve us, and the courage to let go of an outworn life that no longer matches our current perceptions. This is how we make room for our passions and create the space to allow our missions of joy to unfold before us... but only as we are prepared to receive them. We must clear our canvases of mis-creation to allow our souls to paint the new and higher versions of ourselves and our lives...and this is where true joy resides, in the creation and experience of those creations.

To do this, we spend many years in preparation for the actualization of our signature essence, aka soul purpose. It is a process of clearing our emotions and detoxifying our minds and bodies for purification to allow the light of our souls to enter. We must heal ourselves of chronic dis-ease through releasing past memories of betrayal, heartbreak and abuse; we must let go of our codependent behaviors and addictions; heal our relationships and find forgiveness in ourselves and in our perpetrators.

We must open our awareness and hearts to those with differences, and join in partnership with ideas and concepts we never thought possible. Mostly,we must grow to respect the path of each individual and honor the mirrors in all to continually lift ourselves out of the forceful momentum of a life based in misaligned thoughts and creation.

As each of us engage in our personal metamorphosis, however it unfolds, we often find ourselves alone, rejected by and isolated from our peers, families and even our own mates. But ultimately in all of this, we learn to stand in our power and take responsibility for our lives and happiness by exploring the whole gamut of human suffering...that is, until the polarity of extremes is no longer necessary.

And this by far, has global ramifications. When we engage in this self exploration we heal ourselves and provide the example for others so that one by one, gender by gender, race by race, culture by culture, community by community, and nation by nation, we can eventually heal the world..or at the very least, set it in motion. Our gifts are in these challenges and years of stretching and growing into our new skins. Our opportunities then, reside in this suffering and often our "life purpose" is hidden behind our challenges and reveals itself in sharing our path and what we learned upon it with others in a way that will encourage each of them to take the required steps to total freedom.

Ultimately then, we all have the same life-purpose...to heal ourselves by finding our joy and then sharing that joy to inspire others. Such is the process of evolution, onward and upward we go....

The Flaw of the Secret

2009-03-20T23:14:00.001-07:00

Self Improvement by: Ian RoeBuck

The Law of Attraction does work. The Biblical idea that if you seek then you will indeed find what you are seeking. Here are a few ideas about the Law of Attraction which the Secret did not emphasize.

The Law of Attraction simply is "like attracts like and takes pleasure in the company of its kind." It should be no surprise then that the phrase, "the Rich get richer and the poor get poorer" holds so much truth. The rich are concentrating on how to acquire more wealth, the poor or concentrating on how to limit their poverty. One thinks of riches the other of poverty and the one attracts riches and the other attracts poverty. I am sure the body builder thinks on acquiring more muscle, and the 90 pound weakling thinks on how to avoid looking weak.

There are 3 Laws which deal with this subject only one of which is really covered in the secret. The Law of Attraction, but there is also the Law of Growth, and the Law of Manifestation of Form. Within these three Laws are several sub-categories which we will not go into now.

Again the Law of Attraction states that you attract to yourself that which your thought centers upon and your emotions are tied to. There is more to it than that.

Once you learn to center your emotions and thought upon that which you want, you will need to learn the Law of Growth. The Law of Growth states that in order for the thought and emotion being centered on to grow into a solid form and a tangible reality, it takes several items, one is continued thought and emotion on the item, and secondly, time must be allowed for the thing to take form, and most importantly, as in anything that grows you must give before you can receive. Jesus in the parable of the corn, states that you must put out seed which then will grow one hundred or even a thousand fold. What is the seed, anything which you give of yourself for the purpose of helping others toward that which you yourself are striving. Hence, if you seek to be happy and powerful, you will want to give to others something from yourself that will make them happy and more powerful than they were. If it is riches you seek, then share some of your present wealth with the poor, preferably in a way that helps them improve their economic condition. This is the secret of growth which was not shared in the secret as it ought to be.

Finally, when one is in harmony with the Law of Attraction and the Law of Growth, one can expect the Law of Manifestation to begin its work. The Law of Manifestation of Form states that through the Law of Growth, thought and emotion take a quicker and more powerful route into reality.

The Law of Manifestation is what we count on when we begin using the Law of Attraction, and the Law of Growth, if these two are used correctly the Law of Manifestation will invariably follow and manifest that which we desire and have shared with others.

Copyright 2007 by Ian RoeBuck author gives permission to copy and use provided nothing is changed and authors information block at bottom is included.

The Power Of Hypnosis And The Human Body

2009-03-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

Self Improvement by: Barrie St John

The proof of how powerful hypnosis can be, comes in many forms. So much so that certain practices have long since been discontinued on the basis ethics and professionalism.

Some years ago, a fairly common practice in stage hypnosis was to induce a state called the full body catalepsy. In this state, the “subject” experiences a complete rigidity of all the muscle groups in his body. He/she becomes completely stiff, like a piece of wood. As a demonstration, stage hypnotists would often position the subject’s head and feet on opposing chairs, without support through the torso and legs. This created a sort of human bridge, upon which the hypnotist would sit or stand.

The full body catalepsy contains no therapeutic use whatsoever. It serves merely for theatrics, and it’s obviously quite frowned upon today. It is unlikely to be seen very much these days for ethical reasons. Despite the fact that you’re unlikely to see such a stunt, it remains a strong example of how powerful hypnosis can be. The act of turning a person’s body into a rod of iron with mere suggestion is quite simply an amazing feat.

To a greatly lessened extent, catalepsy is still used today, but only on isolated body parts like an arm or a leg. This is done to deepen the state of hypnosis, and bears no risk of injury to the subject unlike the full body catalepsy. In fact, they don’t even feel any discomfort. For instance, I can induce hypnosis on someone, and bring about arm catalepsy, and they can remain in this position for an extended period of time, even an hour, without feeling a thing. Try this at home, and within a few short moments, you will feel extremely uncomfortable.

Hypnosis is its own form of pain control. A technique called glove anesthesia can be induced where the hand can be made to feel numb, and experience a total loss of sensation. The anesthesia can then be transferred to other parts of the body by putting the anesthetized hand on another body part, such as the stomach. This is a very powerful technique which I have used many times with great success.

A more subtle example of the power of hypnosis is witnessed regularly if you watch competitive athletes, like runners, as they mentally prepare for a race. There extreme focus and concentration takes them to a place where everything else is tuned out, and they are literally running every inch of that race in their mind, before it even begins, mentally planning every step.

Fortunately, we needn’t go to severe extremes anymore to prove the power of hypnosis. The theatrical impact of hypnosis has of course dropped in popularity over the past decade or so anyway, and practices such as the full body catalepsy are a thing of the past. There is no longer the need for hypnotists to demonstrate the amazing power the mind has over the physical body. The general public is much more aware of the power and effects of hypnosis these days, even if there are still many myths that still remain.

Drawing What You Need Towards You

2009-03-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

by: CommunitySoul - Neil Fellowes

I walked away with my tail between my legs. Sure, the error was all mine. I had a list of people I'd spoken to and one name was really obscure and neither Jo nor I knew who they were.

I sat down and thought about it. 'Who are you?' I asked. 'Make yourself known to me again?'

With that I turned my attention to other matters. That's when the phone rang and the person on the list revealed themselves to me.

Now if we want to be cynical we could say that the materialisation of that phone call was just coincidence - that this person just happened to call and remind me who they were. But what are the chances?

First, I just happened to have written the name badly on the list. Second, Jo just happened to spot my error. Third, we just happened to be discussing the person. Fourth, I just happened to ask for that person to make themselves known to me again. And it all just happened to happen, in the space of an hour.

What odds would you give on that happening?

This kind of thing happens to me too often for me to doubt that there is some greater connection going on between all our minds - a higher awareness.

How does it work?

First we ask for things. Second we have to be consciously aware of what's happening to us. It's important that we follow events as they unfold rather than letting our mind get in the way. It's also important to do it with a sense of humour and to celebrate in some way when the universe provides.

As soon as our mind gets in the way we break the chain of events and distort what the universe is creating - often ending up with something we didn't want.

When we put our attention on finding a solution or a person we are brought into connection with minds - sometimes people we know, sometimes people we didn't know - who are prepared to answer our call for help.

These people have the will to help, if you have the will to let them in. What often occurs when our call is answered is a discussion to see if help is possible. Oddly, as a quirk of human nature, we sometimes repel people who come to help and either we reject them or they decide they just cannot help us.

While I know synchronicity happens, I'm in no way attached to it happening. I put out a call for things and get on with life. There is no hankering. I ask, then I read, jog, make phone calls or do whatever I have to do while staying open to what happens.

I think it's fair to say that attachment to an outcome is the biggest block that can get in the way. The times in my life when I've had no money are the hardest times to create money. When I've been in pain, it's hard to imagine no pain.

But each time I've asked for a person to show up who can guide me (that's guide me - not do for me), they've shown up and helped me. From their life got better.

You'll find some very simple tips below. Please take note, this is a very simple version I'm giving you because all our situations differ. This basic outline is however workable for us all.

1. Think of one think that you feel you life needs right now.

2. Be clear on what you want.

3. Write it down

4. See it happening in the mind.

5. Now go about your daily life, aware that answers will come to direct you.

6. Keep doubt out. Stay positive.

Love and good wishes
Neil

Increase Creativity and Redce Stess Using Alpha Meditation

2009-03-17T11:15:00.002-07:00

by: Richard Weber

In order to understand how alpha meditation can help improve your creativity, it is important to start by understanding what binaural beats and brainwave entrainment are.

Brainwave entrainment is the use of some external stimulus, usually different sounds that a person will hear with stereo headphones, to induce a certain level of brain wave activity. When a person's brainwave activity is artificially altered by these means, it will subtly shift their awareness and perception.

Using binaural beats is a common and effective method of brainwave entrainment. In order for the binaural beats to be effective, a person must be using stereo headphones so that they can hear a different sound in each ear.

Most of the time, the binaural beats will be embedded underneath the layers of tracks on a song, usually soothing ambient music or soundscapes, so that the person listening can focus on the music and not on the frequencies they are hearing. If you either find or create effective binaural beat audios to listen to in stereo heaphones, the frequencies should blend perfectly into the background, and you should not be able to consciously notice them unless you really try to isolate them.

Binaural beats are the most effective this way, when they are loud enough to still have an effect on your brainwave activity but quiet enough that you do not notice them. Depending on the difference between the two frequencies you decide to use, you can entrain any desired brainwave state and state of mind.

The ideal brainwave frequency for alpha meditation is about 9-10hz, so if we wanted to create a set of binaural beats that could be used to artificially induce this specific frequency, we could play 110hz in the left ear and 120hz in the right ear.

To any person who is hearing these different frequencies in each ear, their brain will act like a tuning fork and it will lock on to the difference between the two frequencies, which in this case would be 10hz.

'Alpha' is the name that we use for the range of brainwave frequencies from around 8hz-13hz. We go through the alpha brainwave state many times during a 24-hour period, and it is usually we are in a light sleep and are dreaming. You can also reach this state by listening to soothing soundscapes or chill-out music, preferably music with alpha binaural beat already embedded in the layers, and simply lying down and resting. When a person reaches this alpha state while they are still conscious, their imagination will be highly active and they can see very vivid imagery, like an intense dream.

After practicing this daily for a short while, even just a week or two, a person's intuitive creativity will naturally be higher and coming up with new ideas will seem easier.

Remaining in the intuitive alpha state for extended periods is the key to increasing your creativity, because this frequency stimulates the right-side creative portion of the human brain. After doing daily alpha meditation and staying in the alpha state for 30 minutes or more per day, your creative visualization capabilities will markedly increase, and it is this creative visualization that can help you achieve any outcome you desire.

If you are interested in pursuing alpha meditation, you can do a number of things. While it does not require music with alpha binaural beats, this is highly recommended because your brain will automatically lock on to the alpha frequency.

You can go to your local music store and look for CDs on 'alpha mediation' or 'alpha relaxation,' or you can also look online at places like iTunes. Or if you would like to have full control over your alpha meditation experience, you can embed any song of your choosing with binaural beats using special audio software.

Creating your own binaural beat audios will give you full control over your meditation experience, and you can experiment with different frequencies around the 7-10 hz area to see which ones give you the biggest boost in intuition and creativity.

What Are The Symptoms Of Low Self-Esteem?

2009-03-17T11:15:00.001-07:00

by: Emmanuel Segui

People with low self-esteem rarely live their life to the full. They distance themselves from others, and are thus denied their love and support. They rarely, if ever, make full use of their abilities. Instead, they end up brooding about the injustices of life. Such people are a loss to themselves, their family and to society. Some of them even take to crime, alcohol and drugs.

Invariably, people with low self-esteem are uncomfortable with success. They tend to believe that they don't deserve success, and they have no clue as to how to savor success. At the same time, they do not hesitate to blame themselves if things go wrong. They take sadistic pleasure in telling the world that they knew things would go wrong. This is an important symptom of low self-esteem, and needs to be treated at the earliest.

People suffering from low self-esteem also have the habit of putting themselves down. They repeatedly tell themselves that they are not good enough and that they are bound to fail. Over a period of time this negative self-talk turns into a negative self-belief. More than that, they try and implant these seeds of negativity in people around them. They also gravitate towards people who suffer from similar problems. The end result is that they feed on each other's negativity, and become much poorer individuals than they initially were.

A high level of dissatisfaction is another indicator of low self- esteem. There are people who spend all their time complaining. They neither see a positive thing in others nor in themselves. This cynicism eats away their self-belief, and erodes their self- confidence. In contrast, people who value their abilities enjoy high self-esteem.

Also, people with low self-esteem spend most of their time brooding about the past and worrying about the future. They don't spend enough time living in the present. As a result, they don't enjoy the present, even though it may be full of success. The net result is that they prevent themselves from enjoying life, and make themselves unhappy. It finally becomes a vicious cycle that feeds upon itself, and prevents them from breaking out of their negative mould

such people are rarely relaxed and at ease. They keep looking for different jobs and lines of work. The reason why they are always looking for something else to do is that they are lack self- confidence. They drift from one crisis to another, and blame fate for their woes.

A few of them take to alcohol, drugs, food, sex etc to get a temporary "high". But this rarely helps them in the long run. They fail to generate a sustainable feeling of happiness and contentment.

People with low self-esteem also have problems getting close to others. They are not comfortable with intimacy and create barriers to prevent people from coming close to them. They don't like to open up to people and to reveal their innermost thoughts. They may be nursing some old bad experience with someone who caused them a lot of pain or who let them down when they were most vulnerable. By forcing themselves to live in a world of self-denial they are doing a great damage to themselves. They fail to benefit from the company of others, and keep entrenching themselves deeper and deeper into their negative world. They may ultimately reach a stage where they may be declared beyond salvage.

But this is not good for society. People with low self-esteem must be helped. Their symptoms must be diagnosed, and help provided if they have to be turned into useful members of society. This help can be given by family members, friends, teachers or by trained psychologists.

Focus - Your Power To Create

2009-03-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

by: Michael McGrath

Unfortunately the majority of people on our lavish little green planet are not happy with their 'lot' in life. They are living lives of quiet desperation, unsatisfied with their relationships, careers or finances.

What is the main reason for this dissatisfaction? The main reason I believe this is so is due to a lack of understanding about the nature of our universe which can be directly linked to our belief conditioning from childhood.

As a child we begin to replicate the conditioning of our parents. A person's beliefs and values are often passed from generation to generation until someone down the generations either has a life-changing experience or consciously reorganises or changes their belief system.

Your beliefs and values determine your focus and a key point I make in all my writings on personal development is the simple truth that "your focus determines your reality". Focus sets in motion the Law of Attraction. (See Wealth Beyond Reason for instructions on using the law of attraction.)

The internal dialogue and imaginings of your mind are guided by your focus and your focus is reflected in your thinking. Your thinking becomes automatic and therefore this becomes your automatic creation system.

If you are not currently living a life that is in correspondence with your desires it is due to your internal automatic creation system being out of alignment with your goals. Simply put this means: Your focus is on what you do not want instead of what you want!

Let's say you have bills piling up everywhere and no way of paying them. When you receive post through the mail what is your first thought? I bet it goes something like this, "oh no not more bills". Where is your focus directed?

Why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Well a rich man has money and he knows it. He sees wealth all around him. The poor person sees lack and concentrates on it. Can you see the difference in focus?

Now there are there are two basic ways to redirect your focus. The first is to change your beliefs so that your focus becomes more automatic in the direction that you wish it to go. The second way is to consciously redirect your attention to situations, people or events that correspond to a new belief.

This, however, is often easier said than done. For example examine the beliefs of a racist who thinks that he is superior to another person due to his heritage, skin colour, or ethnic origins. Now any right thinking person knows that these beliefs have no foundation in reality (subjective or otherwise). So in order to change these beliefs, at a core level, the racist would need to have some contact with other racial groups that have equal or better results in areas of their lives than he does. If he believes he is more intelligent then he would need to see that there are highly intelligent people of all races. If he believes that he is more prone to being successful because of his genetics then he would need to see that there are people of all races who achieve success with ease. If he believes that he is more equipped to overcome obstacles than members of another race then he would need to know that people from all walks of life and different cultures have achieved against seemingly insurmountable odds at great hardship to themselves and so on!

The problem with this is FOCUS! In most cases the racist does not want to see these things. He focuses on the situations, people and events that correspond and reinforce his beliefs! In extreme circumstances such a person will not even be in the company, correspond with, or listen about members of the group he is racist against.

You and I do exactly the same thing everyday. If your life is similar today to yesterday, last week or last year it is primarily because your focus has remained the same. Your thoughts yesterday where the same as last week and if your thoughts and focus are the same today then you can expect tomorrow to bring the same results!

If your beliefs are challenged by what you see, hear or experience many times you simply disregard the information and continue 'blindly' believing what you chose to believe. We filter our reality so that is reinforces our beliefs. We need to break free from this self-imposed brain-washing and redirect our focus on the things that will reinforce a new belief until we actually come to belief it.

For example take a couple in a 'bad' relationship. They come home from work and just know that they are going to have an argument with their spouse. Sure enough they arrive home and argue about who is taking the dog for a walk, what to watch on TV or why they argue so much! Where is the focus in this relationship?

Let's say they decide to try an experiment in beliefs and focus. They look at what IS working in the relationship. They recall the reasons why they first became a couple and begin to reinforce the things they have in common. Their focus is beginning to shift. Although they will probably fall back into some old routines of arguing again if they keep their focus on their shared interests and the things in their relationship that are working what do you think the effect will be?

Try this little experiment yourself. Choose a person who annoys you in some way and that you can't avoid but would if the choice where yours. A work colleague is a good example. Can you think of one? OK, what are you focusing on about that person? I bet it is all the things they do that annoy you. Try to think of something they do that you admire of that you like. This can be sometimes difficult but remember that every person has good and bad qualities so try not to become too polarised about people thinking them either good or bad - they are just human beings.

Now for a few days try your best to focus on the things you like or admire about them and watch what happens.

After you have tried this little experiment try other small ones in other areas of your life that you wish to improve.

Onions

2009-03-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

by: Ken Mossman

If I could measure, in some way, what's been created in my kitchen over the years, I think it would all come down to onions. Don't know if they'd be Metric or English onions, all I know is they would be onions just the same.

This afternoon I was in the kitchen between client calls and my office phone, which was on the counter beside me, rang. I had my hands deep in a bowl of boneless chicken thighs and homemade barbecue goop. I was doing some early prep for the evening's festivities - school and work-night indoor BBQ - a little bit sweet, a little bit salty, a touch of sour, letting the heat slide by in a nod to my son who, for some reason, prefers not to set fire to the inside of his mouth in the interest of culinary experimentation.

On the other end of the phone was a very friendly fellow from L.A., who wanted to know if I had any interest in sinking a few thousand bucks into a new film starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. We had a rather nice chat about cooking, movies, and how he came to pluck my name from a list of folks who might be interested in sinking spare dollars into things like movies starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. After some idle chat, we took our leave of one another. I returned to chopping shallots and garlic (both members of the onion family, of course) and he, I presume, returned to calling others from his list of folks who might be interested in sinking a few thousand bucks into a film starring Cuba Gooding, Jr.

I was quite tickled by the whole conversation, which occurred about twenty minutes after my previous conversation with another equally friendly fellow - also from L.A. - who wanted to know if I'd have any interest in plunking down a few thousand dollars to purchase a mess of soy beans.

Evidently I'm listed among a group of "certified" individuals who's net worth makes it possible for them to regularly drop a few thou into movies, TV shows, and tons o' beans. And just in case you're wondering - the answer is no - at least not yet... I have to admit, there is something about those calls that's sort of motivating, what with those nice, friendly gents calling to ask for spare dollars. I look forward to saying, "Well, yes I do have a some money lounging lazily about that is simply dying to get into the pictures!" Or not...

By the way, if anyone is within a few degrees of separation of Cuba Gooding, Jr., I think he'd be fun to have to dinner. Maybe we'll whip up a tofu dish, a fitting way to close the circle between the two calls from Los Angeles. Oh, and do give Mr. Gooding my number, would you?

Back to the onions...

The humble allium, which plays so many roles in the kitchen, has the distinction of being the cause of both tears and unimaginable delights. I couldn't begin to count the number of meals Danielle and I have prepared and served to family and other guests over the years. In each of those meals (some breakfasts notwithstanding) some form of onions were as present as good company and conversation.

Onions and their kin have changed lives. Just picture the number of happy couples who have fallen for one another in the presence of onions - with our without fine wine...

I remember the winter I lived with my buddy Dan in Woodstock, NY. He had a strange aversion to garlic that dated back to his childhood when his mother, who is an accomplished cook, had presented him with a dish that included ample hunks of the stuff in a raw state. I did my best to accommodate his tastes - for one night. We took turns cooking on alternate evenings. I had learned pretty early on that if I cooked for myself - and I enjoyed what I made - others would enjoy my creations, too.

I theorized that it wasn't the taste of garlic that got to Dan, rather it was the sight of it. Being the resourceful sort, rather handy with a knife, and not above some forms of treachery, on my next night of cooking I just chopped the stuff up finer and kept my mouth shut.

"Wow, Mossy, this is really good," said Dan. "What's in it?"

This and that and that and this, I answered. "Oh, and a bunch of garlic."

He was stunned. And instantly - and dangerously - converted. (After that, Dan started putting garlic in just about everything - including the infamous Babaganouj Omelet - not always a pretty picture...)

I suppose what's captured my imagination is the rather odd omnipresence of onions, so common that most of us don't stop to think about them. To me, they've become a reminder of the less visible things I'm happy to have in my life, the blessings, like those small bits of garlic, that manage to sneak in unnoticed, yet add depth, subtlety and flavor.

When I left my last cooking job almost twenty years ago, I swore that, from that moment on, I would only cook for people I love.

As I finished off the barbecue sauce and slipped the marinating chicken into the fridge, I noticed a peeled shallot I'd left sitting on a cutting board. I looked over it, turned my eyes to take in the frozen trees outside and smiled.

Try as I might, I couldn't imagine how many onions I'd gone through since making that pledge.

Do the Potter...

2009-03-14T19:27:00.001-07:00

by: Susan Hyatt

It seems like inspiration is everywhere when you look for it. Consider my latest source of joy, Harry Potter. I haven't even seen the new movie, only the previews, and was moved to tears. My six year old daughter Emily thought this was rather amusing, as I passed the popcorn.

What struck me as so awesome while watching the preview of Harry Potter, was a line that might not impress a lot of people, but I felt like he was speaking so brilliantly, and clearly, that I had to share it. In the trailer, Harry is trying to rally the other witch and wizard students to help him fight the newest dark enemy. Everyone is afraid. Protesting that they can't. Impossible to do it. And Harry, in all of his Hollywood glory says, "All truly great wizards started as nothing more than we are now. If they can do it, why not US?!" ( Or something very similar. I was so knocked over that I could be hallucinating.)

Meaning, that everyone who is accomplished, enlightened, famous, notorious, self made, etc...all started somewhere. And more often than not, they started on their quest against major obstacles. As a coach, I try encourage clients to imagine, "What if?" What if I COULD go back to college and become a teacher. What if I did take a risk and open my own business? What would it be like to try and run a marathon? As humans, we come up with all sorts of interesting excuses as to why what we profess to be our greatest wish, is impossible. I can't go back to school because I don't have the money. Who am I to think that I could open my own business? Running a marathon would be too hard. My answers: student loan, who are you NOT to open your own business, and so what? I realize that I am simplifying, but you get the picture. You have to start saying SO WHAT to welcome what might be so. (Someone really cool said that I can't remember who.)

Personally, I am working on two books. Occasionally, I'll fall into the trap of listening to some self limiting thoughts like, "Who do you think YOU are to write a book?" But, you know, who am I not to? I have a lot to say. haha And, I am going to "Practice the Potter" and realize that all great authors, before their first book, sat in front of a blank paper or computer screen, and took it one word at a time.

So, over the next week, try and notice when you are putting up your own road blocks. Observe your thoughts and challenge them. They are only thoughts, and you can choose them. Ask yourself, "Who would I be without that thought?" If Harry Potter used his magic wand to eliminate the thought, "I will never be a writer," how would your day/week/year/life be different?

I'd be slaying chapters, dude!

Have a great day!

Susan

Copyright (c) 2007 Susan Hyatt

Are You Unconsciously Limiting Your Wealth Potential?

2009-03-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

by: Becky Kimes

Unlimited financial abundance is your birthright!!

Sounds great doesn't it, but do you really believe it? It's not surprising if you don't.

Many of us don't believe we have access to unlimited financial abundance because we were raised in a culture that places severe limitations on our creative abilities to attract money. These limitations begin during early childhood when our basic beliefs about everything are being formed.

Think back to when you were a child. What did you consistently hear and experience regarding money?

Did you hear that "money doesn't grow on trees" or "money is the root of all evil"?

Did people in your household fight about not having enough money?

Did your dad grow surly and silent when it was time to pay the bills?

Was your mom afraid to ask your dad for more money if an unexpected financial emergency came up?

Were vacations eagerly anticipated or were they actually stressful because the family was going on vacation even if they "couldn't afford it"?

Whatever the situation, you consciously and unconsciously absorbed those beliefs about money and wealth. This became your belief system or paradigm.

Many of us are completely unaware of the unconscious belief systems that are governing our attitudes, behaviors, expectations and comfort level regarding how much money we think we deserve and actually attract.

Do this little exercise with me.

Imagine for a moment that a complete stranger walks up to you on the street and hands you a cashier's check for one million dollars. This stranger tells you that the money is a special gift and is unconditionally yours-no strings attached.

How would you instantly react?

1. Would you nervously look around for the hidden cameras?

2. Would you absolutely refuse the gift and even feel some resentment towards the stranger for putting you in such a predicament?

3. Would you accept the gift but then feel guilty and make immediate plans on how you were going to give the money away?

4. Would you graciously accept the money with heart-felt thanks and happily go to your bank cash the check and enjoy the money?

Your initial "gut reaction" to the above scenario allows some of your unconscious core beliefs about money bubble up to the surface.

If you picked one of the first 3 answers you definitely have some inherent beliefs that are severely limiting your birthright of prosperity. But the good new is-they are only beliefs. Keep in mind that beliefs are not truth. They are just a perception and an acceptance of the truth. What's great about beliefs is that you can change them and choose ones that support you and are in alignment with unlimited wealth potential

If you picked number four, congratulations!!! You're well on your way to unlimited financial abundance!!!

Get Creative to Relieve Stress

2009-03-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

by: Paul Evans

There are many things we can do to relieve stress, ranging from small routine changes (such as avoiding rush hour traffic) to large drastic life changes (such as quitting our stressful jobs!).

At the smaller end of the scale, I believe one of the best ways that you can relieve stress is to 'get creative'.

What can you do to get creative? Anything you like, as long as 'you' do the creating!

It could be physical or mental creativity (preferably both), big or small. For example, is it about time you changed your garden around? Changed those dull old patio slabs? Now would be a good idea to get creative.

To relieve stress you have to do something you can be proud of. You need to be able to stand back and say to yourself, `Yep, I did that and I did a terrific job'.

Take the example above, if you're not physically able (and would have to employ someone to do the labouring for you) you could still design the garden yourself! Teach yourself a little about landscape gardening and design the best garden you can. If you are able to labour for yourself, design and build it entirely yourself! And most important of all, give yourself a pat on the back once you've finished and be proud of your hard work.

But it doesn't have to be so big (or so expensive). You could make a model aeroplane, do your own painting, and make something from clay, or anything at all.

One of my friends recently bought his own materials and built a magnificent kite! He said it felt great to finish it, but when he stood back and actually saw his achievement (i.e. when it was flying) he felt truly elated. Now that's stress relief!

Form a personal point of view, having suffered with a phobia of public speaking for so long, I always wanted to set up my own website - to be able to communicate in another way, freely, without the troubles I would usually have. When I eventually found a way to set up my site the pride and sense of achievement I felt was enormous. And with that pride and achievement came the stress relief I was after.

So from the examples above I hope you can see how you too can get creative to relive stress. The list of things you could do is endless.

Now it's time for the hard part. . . getting started!

Abundance

2009-03-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

by: Jenny Werbeloff

In order to have 'more' of anything (or everything) we need to stretch our boundaries and our imagination. I invite you to adopt Abundance rather than Prosperity as an idea, as this aligns you with the possibility of having so much more.

When you embrace and understand Abundance as inclusive of prosperity, having 'more' means having more financial freedom, greater wellbeing, relationships that enhance your life, and abundant opportunities for expanding your joyful expression. So begin by honouring the Abundance that is always readily available to you - your breath. It's free, and life-giving. The breath infuses us with Life and creates an abundant flow as a life-giving stream. With awareness, we are able to draw more from the breath and, therefore, more from our lives. So I suggest you now take a few slow breaths as this will assist you to assimilate this bigger idea and anchor it deeply in your Being.

Infusing new information more deeply into your consciousness via the breath allows you to hold it more deeply. As you inhale, you enliven all your cells which expands your capacity to think. So - breathe, infuse, allow, use.

Then take a 'wide-angle lens' view of Abundance. This means speaking to your inner-knowing to support you to arrive at your understanding of Abundance which then paves the way for you to enjoy increasingly greater Abundance in every area of your life.

Abundance is the stage of integral wholeness where we are satiated with our own delight. It is the stage in our evolution as human beings where life ceases to be about external creation, and is about internal rapture - existing in an increasingly spacious container where we create worlds, within and without, that deeply nourish our spirit and make our hearts sing; where we live gloriously with ourselves and others. We are Abundant.

Abundance is not so much about what we have, but what we are and how we feel. When we live in 'what is right with me and my world' and not 'what is wrong with me and my world', we are beginning to awaken to this possibility. Appreciation for, rather than berating against, is an essential state of being we need to arrive at. Even the times that are challenging are gifts that we are able to harvest as great learning in order to gift ourselves with 'more' Abundance. Being awake to this core knowing is the essence of Abundance.

So, what does all this mean? When we recognise - or are willing to approach the possibility - that we are infinite, not as an oft-repeated hypothetical or 'spiritual' idea that has lost its meaning, but in a very practical and demonstrable way, we know 'I am the source of my experience'. Translated, this means that as I access my joy and inspiration continuously in the present, I create my Abundant Now and my Abundant Future.

Taking full responsibility for where you place your attention is a skill that is easy to develop. Being willing to notice the effect of your thoughts, is the key here. You may like to experiment with this for 5 minutes each a day. Just take the time to notice where you are placing your attention - what you are thinking about - and you will become aware of how you're feeling: whether you are feeling increasingly vibrant, or whether you're feeling depleted. You will then realise how much you may be keeping yourself restrained, tied to struggle of your own making.

This is where the magic happens: you now have the opportunity to play the game of increasing your Abundance, simply by changing where you place your attention.

Remember: You are your greatest asset. Really know that. Cultivating a wondrous and deeply appreciative relationship with yourself is the vehicle that carries you forward towards your Abundance. When you are filled with the joy of exploring 'you' in ever-deeper ways, you create ripples that turn to waves of glorious delight, Cultivating a relationship with yourself that is founded on 'inner seeing' and reflection, holding yourself with gentleness as you plant seeds of new possibilities, and being excited by the burgeoning possibilities and the joy that unfolds, creates the flow of Abundance.

Abundance is a flow of new inspiration. New inspiration nourishes our imagination, and sets our boundaries free. The more boundaries we dissolve, the more restrictions we let go of, the more we begin to stand in our self-determined freedom. In this way we ignite our increasing passion, which creates wonder and this feeds our genius. Living in our genius, rather than our 'average' and 'good enough', is the launching pad from which we establish Abundance as a living reality. It is only when we feel BIG, brimming over with our self-generated joy, deeply nourished from the inside, and standing in our now and offering this as our gift to ourselves, our world, our families and our friends, that - finally - Abundance will flow outward and inward in ever-increasing possibilities.

The wondrous state of Abundance is an internally generated state of celebration that flows as a river in its fullness (from you) towards Life. This imprint of fullness, inspiration and joy is inscribed and described within your being, and imprinted externally. The action completes itself - Life completes this action - and you receive Abundance as a realised state of living where you are amply rewarded.

Abundance is now the flow of giving and receiving, from within and without, that we continuously exchange. Abundance is experienced as a state of deep nourishment. There is a rising heart-swell that embraces all in its vastness and you are 'more' and 'more' is yours.

Share this 'more' and feel the swell of Abundance.

Puree the flesh of 2 mangoes (about 2 cups), stir 1 teaspoon of baking powder into 225g (2 cups) almond meal, and gently beat five eggs in a bowl. Combine all ingredients, pour into a greased cake tin and bake for about 1 hour at 180o C.

Cool 10 minutes before turning out.

It is my experience that the more I joyously share, the more flows back to me. So, I offer you this divine recipe that a friend offered me. Enjoy the gifts of Abundance, and feel the increasing swell of giving and receiving delight. Enjoy.

Abundance article ©Jenny Werbeloff 2007©

For more always more, visit www.SourcingfromWithin.com.

For further information and my vision statement, Email jenny@SourcingfromWithin.com

Don't Waste Your Time - Use it Wisely

2009-03-12T10:33:00.001-07:00

by: Andrew Grant

Do you waste time? Are you lazy and indolent or are you continuously on the go, using every minute to the maximum?

If you are in the first category, there are a lot of very obvious things you can do to improve, but in this article I want to concentrate on those of us who are already using our time constructively and examine how you can squeeze even more from your day.

You may think that your life is so full that this is impossible, but I recently ran an inventory of how I used my time and realised that there was still some room for improvement. Here's what I discovered.

Timespace #1 – For years I avoided doing any kind of exercise. It was pretty easy for me, I had been skinny all my life and even though I wasn't too fit, I was still the right weight. As I got older, though I realised that I had to take my body a bit more seriously.

Since then I have become a moderate, regular exerciser; I now go running for half an hour every second day and visit the gym three times a week. No problem there; I get satisfaction from using my time well and I appreciate the results.

However, I calculated that I am spending about five hours per week doing great things for my body, but nothing for my mind. So now when I'm pounding the streets or straining at the weights, I use the opportunity to listen to self development programs on my I-Pod, to concentrate on goal visualization, to practice affirmations or just focus on being grateful for all the good things in my life. And there's a bonus too; because the blood is racing through my veins, my brain is more alert and better prepared to learn and grow.

Timespace #2 – I drive a lot. My business requires a good deal of travel and most of it is done in the car. I used to listen to music on the radio or go into an almost trance-like ‘auto pilot' mode, usually to escape the tedium of long distance driving.

Now, though, I put a self development CD in the player, or a language course, or again, I use the time to practice visualizations and affirmations. The privacy of your little tin box allows you to shout, sing, laugh or mumble. Who cares? You are on your own. It's your space.

Timespace #3 – Finally, this one is not so much about finding extra time as making better use of the time I thought I was using wisely. My personal time audit showed me that I was wasting a whole hour, sometimes more, at the beginning of the day catching up on the overnight e-mail load and then planning what I was going to do for the rest of the day.

I prided myself on being an efficient time warrior, but I now realise, that I was missing one of the biggest mistakes of all.

So how did I fix that? Simple. I changed two things. Firstly, I now do my planning, the night before, by taking ten minutes, near to the end of the evening and writing down everything I want to achieve the next day. The bonus here is that overnight, my mind works on the issues even while I sleep, so by the time I get started next day, I am far better prepared.

Secondly, I leave my e-mail inbox until lunchtime. I spend the morning getting through the goals I assigned the night before and then just before I take a break for lunch, I race through my inbox. That way, I find I already feel good about what I've done so far in the day, my mind is much more focused and I don't get distracted.

So no matter how efficient you think you are, take a look again at your day and I'll bet you can find some extra layers of time, you never knew you had. Good hunting.