by: Gregory Frost
Breaking up is never an easy process, especially if you never saw it coming. At this stage, it may feel easier for you to hold on to the broken pieces and memories then to move on. However, the truth is far from this.
There are many signs that you have yet to let go and start to move on. You find yourself retracing your footsteps, and every line in your fights, trying to figure out where it went wrong and what you could have done to fix it. You feel that if you could only figure out why your partner left, you would be able to convince them to come back. Worse still, is underlying all these thoughts, the implicit belief that your world is broken and will be magically fixed somehow if your partner would just step back into it.
If you have entertained any of the above thoughts, then it is a sure sign that your self confidence has hit rock bottom. In order to start healing and feeling better about yourself, you have to improve your self confidence at the same time. This is of course, easier said then done.
It is perfectly normal to want to know what went wrong, and if you were truly at fault. Sometimes it could be something that you did, but sometimes, it could simply be that your partner is no longer interested, and it is not because of anything you did or did not do. If you must think back on what happened, you owe it to yourself to figure out if you need to change your attitude, or behavior and actions. Changing these now may not bring your ex back into your life, but it will make your next relationship a lot smoother.
Give yourself time to cope with the sudden loss, and turn to your friends or family to help you adjust back to single hood. Fill in the gaps that your partner has left behind by pursuing activities that you never had time for, or did not do because your other half did not like it. Pick up a new hobby, go on a short holiday, meet new people, and do things that make you happy.
Remind yourself of your own self worth. Make a list of your accomplishments, or compliments that your friends, colleagues or superiors have ever paid you. This will help you keep in mind that you may have some habits that need changing, but so does everyone else, and that you do have many redeeming qualities. Work out some positive affirmations to help you clear your mind of negative thoughts and emotions. Let your subconscious help you with moving on.
All these advice will help you, but you must be willing to help yourself in improving your self confidence after a breakup. Make a checklist or a plan of what you want to achieve, and how you intend to go about achieving it. Give yourself a deadline to meet, and push yourself to do the things that you have listed out. Achieving what you have listed out will help you to feel better about yourself, and give you a sense of control over what you can do in life and help keep your emotions positive.
Do not beat yourself up for grieving over the loss of a relationship, or for taking time to deal with your sorrow. However, do not allow it to keep you down indefinitely. Remember that only when you truly let go will you be able to move on and build a future with someone else. Take this alone time to work through personal issues, or do things that you have always procrastinated doing. When you have learnt to change your bad habits and accept yourself, that is when you know that you are ready to move on and meet someone new.
