by: Darlene Braden
Helplessness is one of the most difficult emotions to sort through and understand. Fear and anger seem to have a more tangible conclusion and remedy, but helplessness goes deep into the meaning of life and attempts to destruct the soul, manifesting as self-sabotage.
I lived through a helpless tragedy last night, the eve of the 4th of July 2007. At about 11:30 PM the phone rang and I immediately wondered who would be calling so late. My caller ID said it was from Kathy, my good friend and neighbor, and I anxiously answered the phone. Kathy said, “Have you looked outside?” I said that I was in my office checking email and filing some client files. She said, “The whole neighborhood is in your yard because the entire mountain is on fire.” My husband and I ran outside to see a blaze that was as big as a crater about 30 acres wide, overtaking the slope.
As mentioned in my “What Stops You?” book, I live at about 5000 elevated feet across the frontage road from jutting mountains that ascend to about 7000 feet on the front peak and 8000 on the back peak. My favorite place in the world is on my swing on my back patio that sets my gaze directly upon the jagged rocks of the mountain’s face. The trees in my yard frame the portrait perfectly for a magnificent breathtaking experience. It is often my place of refuge and inspiration to write my books.
My mountain on fire? My mountain being destroyed? My view being tormented to ashes and coal? As we watched the scenario unfold from our side yard, the hubbub and mayhem escalated; fire engines, sirens, cops, flashlights, and onlooker’s panic. I realized that all my neighbors considered that mountain theirs as well. “We live here and pay the mortgage for that view!” they said. My heart sank. My piece of pleasure, my treat at the end of the day, my serene scene being engulfed as I stood there; nothing I could do.
There was talk of evacuation for the nearby houses. What would I take? My kids were out and about, not at home so they were OK. My favorite dog died a few months ago and he was not there… I would take my pictures and my computer. Should I run in and gather or should I act as relaxed and entertained as the teenagers standing around saying, “Cool.”
Inside my heart, sadness took over. 55 firefighters started the war against the heat and rage. Because it was so late, the helicopters with water were going to come in the morning. The morning? What? The whole mountain will be gone by then. Looking up, we saw brave firemen climbing and scaling the hill with shovels, flashlights and courage. They were excellently trained to dig a trench along the bottom edge to create a fire wall. Finally our homes were out of danger, but the torch continued up and over the peak only to ravish the other side into the gully.
It is now 7:30 PM on July 4th. Almost 25 hours later, I still hear helicopters carrying water from a man-made pool that the fighters created, that held water for their huge baskets to carry over the hill. The smoke is dissipating and the frenzy is completing; only a smoldering site remains. It will take 2 years to start to mend and 5 years to display a green view again.
As my husband and I walked back inside, I started to wilt. “Why do the things I love most, the simple things that bring me pleasure get taken away? Since my dog was killed, who was also a great treat to me at the end of the day, my mind has not been as nimble and I begin to fall into thinking patterns that are limiting. My husband said, “Honey, what stories are you writing in your mind?” Alas, again a family member slaps me back into reality; back to no nonsense and back to remembering that I wrote a book about thinking strategies. I well know and teach that depression comes from focusing on things we don’t have instead of what we do have. I know that what we focus on we give power to. I know that we are limited by looking at something in only one way and stepping back causes a greater perspective of wisdom. I know that it is not what happens to us that causes our problems; it’s how we think about what happens that causes our problems.
Now I sit alone on my swing, without my little dog Beau by my side, looking at a charred scene. All of a sudden I magically begin to see the whole landscape behind the first hill; the second mountain rising. Hmm, I had always focused on the front ridge. I begin to see things I hadn’t noticed before. I then realize that God is with me even though my dog isn’t. My family supports me and you are all my friends. I am indeed not alone. It is not just positive thinking that pulls me out of my despair; it is looking at the same problem from a different angle. Thanks to my maneuverable brain, I can find joy in any situation. I find myself in the present moment with my health, a good BBQ’d steak in my belly and passion for tomorrow’s adventures. I have decided to choose the life I want and live the life I choose. On occasion it is OK to cry, yet as future sunsets glare on my mountain for years to come, it will remind me that I have choice to see beyond the dark colors and past what seems to be obvious. Opportunity awaits all of us, by overcoming self-sabotage deep inside our minds.
Power to you in your tragedies and sorrow, power to you in finding that “choice of thoughts and actions” are the most powerful gifts we have been given in this life.
Cheers,
Darlene
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